27-05-2018, 10:36 PM
743
Re: Jokes for blokes
David Beckham gets into a taxi... "Heathrow Airport please driver" he says. After few minutes he spots the driver giving him a few looks in the rear view mirror. Driver says "come on mate, give us a clue..."Beckham replies "Had a great career at Man Utd, Real Madrid, played in Italy and America, and won over 100 caps for England....
"Driver says "No you thick sod, what terminal?"..
27-05-2018, 11:06 PM
744
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Judd
->
David Beckham gets into a taxi... "Heathrow Airport please driver" he says. After few minutes he spots the driver giving him a few looks in the rear view mirror. Driver says "come on mate, give us a clue..."Beckham replies "Had a great career at Man Utd, Real Madrid, played in Italy and America, and won over 100 caps for England....
"Driver says "No you thick sod, what terminal?"..
Typical football 'star'. They don't impress me, anyway!
31-05-2018, 07:02 PM
745
Re: Jokes for blokes
I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car.A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life.
It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
"It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear.
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device.
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed.
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off.
31-05-2018, 08:07 PM
746
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Judd
->
I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car. A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life.
It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
"It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear.
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device.
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed.
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off.
01-06-2018, 09:13 PM
748
Re: Jokes for blokes
A man asks a little girl, "What does your Dad do for a living?""He's a magician," says the girl.
"Oh, and what's his best trick?"
"Sawing people in half," says the girl.
"And do you have any other family?"
"Yes," says the girl, "I have a half brother and two half sisters."
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