12-06-2018, 10:42 PM
793
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Pug
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.....really?........so,when next I get a lump of sh#t land on my windscreen - I'll know the unicorns are airborne again - RIGHT?
12-06-2018, 11:29 PM
794
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Sweetie pie
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Crikey that made me laugh
13-06-2018, 02:20 PM
795
Re: Jokes for blokes
[thank you,Sweetie-t'is an honour to pleasure you,milady]{er...that came out wrong - as the bishop said to the actress!}
Gummy,it's been a long process learning to reign in my imagination and expertise regarding procedural and contextual grammatical phraseology,in order to converse with creti...I mean,fellows [oops,nearly] such as yourself. To do so,I had my surgeon insert a tapered 'U-bolt' into my ear,thus giving me the ability and opportunity to change aforementioned grammatical intensities regarding communication via speech...thus,I can tighten or release the bolt according to the linguistic abilities of whomsoever I may inadvertently find it necessary to placate. So...let's see...gumbud...right - need to tighten the bolt a little to drop to your level...ok,tighten it a fair bit,to drop to your level,so....hang on....ah! 'Screw-U'.
There. Sorted.
13-06-2018, 02:29 PM
796
Re: Jokes for blokes
What do you call a handcuffed man?Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says...."
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
14-06-2018, 04:50 PM
799
Re: Jokes for blokes
Seventy-year-old George went for his annual check-up. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said: "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said: "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."
Thelma exclaimed: "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again!"
A man suggests to his wife, "Darling, shall we try swapping positions tonight." "That's a great idea," she replies. "Why don't you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and break wind."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
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