Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

I used to be a real fan of Jasper Carrott - bought his DVDs, seen him live several times. Then, one fateful day, he was on the same flight as my daughter and I to the Island. My daughter (who had been raised whatching Mr Carrot) was very excited to see a celebrity and wouldn't stop looking at him. I smiled at him and said 'I think she's a bit star struck' - he looked at her like something on the bottom of his shoe and walked off. I've never watched him since - but I do remember and smile at how funny he could be. Shame his real personality was rubbish.

Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

Already knew his character gal - I'm no 'expert' of course like say....Davo, there was just something 'unwarm' about Carrott, could be funny tho' - give 'im that !

Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

there is another thought you may wish to consider in you 'pain' and that is some people hold onto past pain because they don't want to get rid of it - it has become a crutch - a crutch that can be waved at the wrong doers - family members etc. Removing the crutch leaves a void that needs filling and with what - I'll let you ponder on what and if you find it let me know!

ps: you couldn't get rid of that little lapdog that keeps following you around could you - it's so irritating when it yaps

Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

yap yap yap yap!

Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

You're 'barking' up the wrong tree there Doreen er... Davo

Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

And surely the key words there are 'some people' - you can't simply assume that everyone who has difficulty accepting that x, y or z happened does so simply because they choose to make their own lives miserable.

I do understand the point you are making as I had a friend who desperately clung onto her depression because she'd had depression for so long, she was afraid of life without it, it was familiar to her and something she knew. Extrapolation that everyone who suffers prolonged depression does so by self-inflicting it on themselves is fundamentally flawed.

People who have a relationship breakdown, especially one with their children or close family member such as siblings, that used to be an extremely good relationship, that becomes a form of mourning - the person you loved and enjoyed life with is no longer there (in the sense that they used to be) but unlike with death, the person you have become aliented from still exists but in a form that you don't recognise and that new form could be one that you find intolerable. Either way you want to look at it, it is still the loss of a child/sibling and I doubt many parents/siblings would consciously choose to repeatedly relive that loss willingly.

I am sure there are people who are like that but there are others who don't feel the need to wave that crutch - it still doesn't follow that all people can let go if the want to. Circumstances play a large part in the way people react to negative situations which could go some way in explaining why some find it easier than others to blank it out.

Another point to ponder is that humans feel the need for a wrongdoer (in any situation) to be punished and show that they regret their actions (hence, a lighter prison sentence or fine if you plead guilty in court) - if someone sees nothing wrong in what they have said or done and refuse to see reason, how can you expect the affected person to be fine with that? It goes against modern basic human instincts.

Again, that will apply to some people but you are generalising and applying it to all. My own experience, for example, there is no substantial void left by my daughter anymore and there hasn't been for over 4 years; does it follow that because the void isn't there that I don't miss the times we used to have or the person she used to be? Of course it doesn't; I will always miss that person the same way that I will always miss my father and grandmother - to me, the outcome is the same.

I feel great care needs to be taken when telling people that they are wholly to blame for their state of mind; I don't think science bears out that claim but am happy to stand corrected if it does (and you can prove it).

Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

a great case of rationalization - happens all the time in counselling!

Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

Hmmm - now what is the root word of rationalisation? Oh, that's it: rational!

Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

Davo, your ridiculous psycho-babble is getting very boring!!!

Re: The Dangers of Armchair Diagnoses

yap yap yap yap