Re: Why did you have children?

Julie - I was touched by your post - I never got the opportunity sadly, but there are a couple of older gals I look out for.....

Re: Why did you have children?

I get my info by watching docus on other cultures, China - a six part series, was fabulous, give it a go if its repeated. The government there wanted poor peoples land to build on and to move the people into high rise flats. Generations fought against the plans but failed. A scene I will always remember, was a row of cycles passing the screen, old boys pushing along with something attached to the front of the bike - covered. When they reached the park area, they unveiled - bird cages.... then, they hung these cages on branches of the trees, they did this each day. The joy on these elder faces will stay with me as they looked up at the birds chirping away merrily....

Re: Why did you have children?

My late Mother, who died on Feb 6th, was impossible, and I would have been done for murder if I had looked after her. She was in an excellent care home and no expense was spared to ensure she was as comfortable as possible.

Re: Why did you have children?

Don't be fooled there were times I could happily have commited murder, but I would leave the room count twenty deep breath and square my shoulders and go back in with a smile on my face and a happy tone to my voice.

Re: Why did you have children?

I wonder if you would have been able to do that if your mother had been mine? I don't think a saint would have coped. My late father rented a room nearby to their apartment and used it when the going got tough, then checked himself into a residential home when he couldn't take her company any longer!

Re: Why did you have children?

I won't go into my parents short comings, makes grim reading but I was taken from them at 4 years old and given to my grandparents to raise they then went on to parent my younger sisters as they were born as my parents were not to be trusted with children.

So the abuse I went through would make harrowing reading.

Think though at the end my Dad at least realised his mistakes and we managed to get past it and he died a happier man for being forgiven and I was happier because I could forgive him.

My Mum maintained to the end she did not know what was happening but she too was happier to be forgiven and I was happier too.

So I think I might have some insight into difficult parents.

Re: Why did you have children?

I think you are very forgiving Julie. If I had been treated like that by mine I would never have bothered with them ever again. As it is my siblings and I ensured our Mother had the best of care in a 5* care home where all the residents, except our Mother were very happy. But then Mother was only happy if she was unhappy and was moaning about something!

Re: Why did you have children?

Absolutely agree, Julie. I was "lucky" enough to be my mother's carer in her final years and I will always be grateful for having that opportunity. It certainly wasn't easy, but it made a big difference to both our lives.

Re: Why did you have children?

I'm pleased to hear that Julie, it's nice to see humanity still exists in some people - duty is a two-way street. I often hear the comment that parents are parents for life - that has to work in reverse. I fully expect my children to take care of me if I reach the stage that I can't - they're quick enough to come here when they want consoling or help and they've moved back in when they've had a falling out with their respective partners. If I get dumped into a home, there will be significant changes to my Will!

Re: Why did you have children?

Children are very selfish and demanding (granted, it's a survival reaction) and raising them is also exhausting and frustrating.

BIB: tough - that's what life is about, it can't only be about the things you want to do or enjoy doing; to live life that way just makes that person incredibly self-centered.