05-03-2020, 12:36 PM
15881
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
Looking out of the window it seems like a fat chance of better weather arriving soon and as for sitting out in the garden...if my neighbours were not all social distancing themselves they would probably have called the police by now thinking I had gone doolally in my dotage...one can but hope though..can't one
I don't have an uncle Fred but I did laugh once at an Aunts yelp of pain due to her lumbago...and was almost floored when my Mother clouted me with an Isle of Man kipper for my cheek.
It's a funny word though that just lends itself to comedy interpretation rather than a painful affliction...that was my excuse for laughing then and it still stands although I do check now to make sure you are not holding an Isle of Man kipper first
05-03-2020, 11:52 PM
15882
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
We had a good two days weather, looking at the satellite map we were lucky and managed to find a big gap in the clouds, cold but sunny and dry.I haven’t heard lumbago mentioned in a good while, maybe it’s like everything else and they’ve put a new name on it. I remember all the old biddies had complaints about the lumbago killing them, I think every one of my Aunts had it like it was a fashion.
Most ailments were put down to "Nerves", there were plenty of "Nerve specialists" back then, chancers the lot of them.
I don’t understand peoples complaints now because they changed all the names, all I hear these days in the pub is “My AHTW is acting up again” "I had an attack of OE-mark 2 last night in bed and it frightened the life outa me" and “I have to go for a GWYT-4 test tomorrow, wish me luck Jem”, I honestly haven’t a clue what they’re on about, all algebratic titles and I could never grasp algebra, the thing is they expect you to know what they’re complaining of.
My Dog.
By Jem (at age 8 in the school poem competition)
I have a little dog called spot
Who doesn’t like the rain
I put him out to do his thing
But he never pulls the chain.
“You vulgar rude boy!”, were the lady teachers words, I was disqualified.
06-03-2020, 11:00 PM
15884
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
Was yeh still in school writing’ poems when you were 60 Spitty?I got wise to myself and left at 14.
The next year in school the teacher (a brute of a master this time) wanted a poem about the pupils cats, and as I hadn’t got a cat I asked him could I put one in about my pet goldfish, he said OK.
I have a little Goldfish
Who’s christian name is Noel
He’s very good at pissing
‘Cos he’s never missed the bowl.
I got six of the best for that and was disqualified again.
Alas I gave up the poems after that.
When i got home my hands were aching from the cane whacks, I entered the kitchen to run them under the cool tap, and as I was drying them off with a towel my mother came over to me and put her arms around me, I thought it was to comfort me but no, she said she had bad news for me, when she went to change the water in the goldfish bowl she accidentally flushed little Noel out to sea, oh yes how I remember that time, it just wasn’t my day at all, I crept up to me bed that night disheartened and sad, a broken boy if ever there was one.
07-03-2020, 08:36 AM
15885
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
I had a Pigeon, a wild one, went and bought some Bird Seed, fed it, then it pissed off, upset me to the core so I quit School, in doing so I realised, one did not heed an education to work hard and live in a colony, I had become a True-Ant.
07-03-2020, 01:54 PM
15886
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
...Nice to see such great poems again...the Dead Poets Society has nothing on inventive scribblers My dog gave me a present
He left it in my shoe
It wasn't very pleasant
Cos the present was a poo
*thanks Anon whoever you are and also thank your dog for inspiring you to pen such heartfelt words*.
)
07-03-2020, 10:49 PM
15888
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
Great to see you all in fine verse.The simple life, what is it?
Well I think one can live the simple life anywhere, no matter who you are or your station in this world, it’s your own attitude to life, and it involves avoiding stress whenever possible. Stress is the enemy of all simple lifers, or simpletonians if your prefer, and until you have conquered stress you cannot stand up and truly say “I’m a Simpletonian” in the manner of a Spartacus follower. Funny enough I do get very strange looks when I stand up in the pub and say that, can't for the life of me think why.
I like to think I’m living the simple life now, very little bothers me at this stage of life, worrying is a waste of valuable time when you are older, besides everyone knows what’s going to happen will happen anyway so whats the point of worrying about it, just accept it and deal with it as best you can.
People often make things complicated for themselves, I have never driven a car nor did I ever want to learn how to drive, cars just never caught on with me for some reason so I avoided them and used my bike or public transport all my life.
Cars can be a lot of hassle and stress, take most of the people who own and drive cars, they are the worlds worst moaners, they moan about other drivers, the cost of fuel, road tax, cyclists, pedestrians, busses, slow moving tractors, sheep and horses when on country roads, traffic jams when on city streets, parking spaces, parking charges, repair charges, and incredibly some of them even moan about air pollution while sitting in a great big tin box belching out poison on top of everyone.
The list of motoring moans goes on and on, I know, I hear them every day in the local and I have several drivers in my family and they never stop complaining.
Indeed drivers have been known to get out of their cars and shoot or strangle other drivers in broad daylight, a dangerous lot to mess with I can tell you, all tensed up, I would sooner face a robber armed with ten hand grenades and a bazooka than an irate motorist, no wonder they are having heart attacks all over the place, including at the wheel, sell the bloody thing and buy a donkey, you won’t get around very fast but you’ll live longer.
When I think of all the hassle I have saved meself by never learning how to drive I lie back and count my blessings, and I have enough ‘save the planet’ credits stored up to entitle me to roast my arse at a coal fire for the rest of my days without my environmental conscience bothering me.
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