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effingpot
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06-03-2018, 06:22 PM
11

Re: Smiles.

Originally Posted by Sweetie pie ->
Go on then.
Don't encourage me - tons more where these come from!

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.

Apparently you can't use "beefstew" as a password.
It's not stroganoff.

My wife says I only have two faults!
I don't listen, and, ur, something else!

A Brummie walks into a tailors, "Alroit mate, I'd like a 70's suit please." The tailor says, "Certainly sir, and would you like a kipper tie?" The Brummie says, "Thanks mate, white with two sugars please"

A pizza is basically a real time pie chart of how much pizza is left .

What did Sting get in Amsterdam?
A massage in a brothel.

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?
Now you mention Botox and nobody even raises an eyebrow!

A man got run over by a red lorry, a yellow lorry, then another red lorry, then another yellow lorry.
Police said there was no easy way to tell his family!

Why does the Norwegian Navy put barcodes on the sides of their warships?
So that when they return from battle they can ... Scandanavian! (Boom boom - I'm here all week folks!)

To person at a fancy dress party: What have you come as?
- A harp
Hmm, you're a bit small for a harp
- Are you calling me a lyre?

I went to the zoo at the weekend
It only had one animal
It was a dog
It was a shih tzu!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Cash
Cash who?
I knew you were nuts!

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?

This dyslexic bloke walks into a bra ...

Heard obout the dyslexic athiest who didn't believe there was a dog?

Or the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa?

Least visited website ever - www.dyslexia.com

DNA = National Association of Dyslexics
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effingpot
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06-03-2018, 06:24 PM
12

Re: Smiles.

No more snoooooooowwwww

Sweetie pie
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06-03-2018, 06:26 PM
13

Re: Smiles.

They are all good fun my friend.
Not like some of the naughty stuff I read a times.
I am more for cheeky stuff, in the right place.
But go on post more.

I have a friend called Fruity, he posts amazing really funny stories. I might ask him to post some.
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06-03-2018, 07:59 PM
14

Re: Smiles.

Quite an enjoyable site there effingpot you have allsorts on there.I especially liked the airplane pictures. Thanks.
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06-03-2018, 08:46 PM
15

Re: Smiles.

Here we go just recieved this one.
I remember it being a Tony Blair joke once upon a time. Looks like some Trump lover has got hold of it ..

Little Johnny Meets Donald Trump
Donald Trump decided to visit an elementary class one day.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So Trump asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Trump, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained Trump. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent No other child volunteered. Trump searched the room.

"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath.

In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Trump, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss...and you can bet it wouldn't be an accident either!"

The teacher left the room...
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06-03-2018, 08:49 PM
16

Re: Smiles.

Longsocks can we use this thread for some funny stories?
Or start a new thread.
Fruity and I had a long-running thread elsewhere.
I started it about how the old proverbs came about.
We just made it up, as we went along. It was SO funny.
Sweetie x
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06-03-2018, 10:04 PM
17

Re: Smiles.

Brilliant jokes. Longfellow. Thanks.
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06-03-2018, 10:35 PM
18

Re: Smiles.

Originally Posted by Sweetie pie ->
Longsocks can we use this thread for some funny stories?
Or start a new thread.
Fruity and I had a long-running thread elsewhere.
I started it about how the old proverbs came about.
We just made it up, as we went along. It was SO funny.
Sweetie x
Sweetie you can do whatever you want .
Either carry this thread on or start up another.
Its a free world my luv.
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08-03-2018, 08:10 PM
19

Re: Smiles.

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.


"He's decomposing!"
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08-03-2018, 08:22 PM
20

Re: Smiles.

 
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