Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Funny isn’t it, it’s very sunny and hot here today and I’m in the shed working me fingers to the bone, I look out the shed window and there’s the wife, she’s throwing the ball for the dog, but he’s not interested, she has just brought him back from the dog pampering parlour and he’s scalped. She then says to me, who’s sweating like a pig in the shed even with the fan going, “Jimmy, Rocky is not in the humour for his ball today, I think he’s too warm” I looked up at her and smiled a sarcastic smile “Well it’s a pity about him isn’t it, with his 50 quid haircut he should be grand and cool, no fear of you flinging 50 quid my way and sending me out for a few cool pints”
Wives, they just take you for granted don’t they.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Ah women - y a talking my language now - the breed with the hidden agenda - have you ever wondered why women are attracted to men - no it's not the obvious [sex] it's the hidden agenda - what do men first think of when they score a woman - well it's not little bambinos is it - come lads be honest you horny bastards.

they only see one first major role - yes propagate the species and we thought that was our goal!

then their thoughts turn to carpets; curtains ; and new curlers!!

no time for pints of guiness; cigars or bourbon!! why do you think we invented the garden shed??

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

The elders always said to me as a boy that the women are worse that the men Gummy, took me a long time to find that out for meself.
Anyway behind it all we still love them.

I served two years in the reserve forces back in the early 1960’s, hated every day of it, although several members of the family were army types in the past, the army was certainly not for me.
I was a gunner in the 19th heavy mortar battery, we used to go off every year for two weeks to the Glen of Imaal in Wicklow to the firing range, kids is all most of us were, 16 and 17, we hadn’t a clue, it was just like a big game of soldiers with real guns. There were five of us on a mortar and one day some fella put the charges onto the shell the wrong way, the shell slid down the barrel and we all put our hands to our ears waiting for the big bang. Nothing happened! the shell just hit the bottom of the barrel and stayed there, I believe the army name for it is a misfire, the five of us made a bee line for the cover of the forest behind us, thinking the whole gun was going to blow up. Then a couple of cursing officers had the job of taking the loaded shell out again, they had a special metal pole thing for the job, (don’t ask me the army name for it, they have their own names for everything, only officers were allowed use it) sooner them than me. I remember one officer was called Cromwell and as I watched from the cover of the trees I already had the words of his epitaph written in me head.

“Here lies Harry Cromwell
Because he didn’t handle the bomb well”

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

More please Jem ............... more!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
How I miss my garden shed
A refuge indeed, like wots been said
Now there's nowhere for me to go
To sulk , when I feel down or low

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

The shed is where we can let it all be shed
Shake off the mothers apron strings
Just be a man with arrow and sling
And do ya god damned best

Pick ya nose till all is clear
Fart at will from here to here
Smoke the pipe let fumes ascend
But breathe in air so don’t get the bends

Play ya music loud as hell
Want more coffee just ring the bell
Look at nudes upon the screen
Feel the urges and apply more cream!

Keep the door locked bared to all
Entry free to bards and all
But keep the feline species out
They want to fuss and clean you out

Fall asleep to blues and jazz
That’s the real razzammataz
Wake to silence it’s just bliss
Don’t even need to give a kiss!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

A fine and worthy tribute to a man’s shed Gummy, God bless your pen.

God made the world in six days and he rested on the seventh. As he slept he was uneasy, he knew he had forgotten something but couldn’t think what it was, then it came to him and he got up bright and early on the eight day, went down to the bottom of his heavenly garden and built himself a shed.
So all you lads with sheds remember this, God didn’t forget us for long and one could even say the man’s shed is the eight wonder of the world, treasure it fellas for it could be our last bastion of peace and solitude.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

CREEPER!...yes-that's what I endure,
in the shed I refer to as 'mine'.
Because Yes,Dear decided it looked not quite right
and along the walls put Russian Vine.

Now,I have no problem with plants,let them be,
no matter their colour or type;
but this Russian Vine is a pain in the arse
and it FAR outweighs it's gardener's hype.

Because every time I open 'my' door
to gain access to 'my' shed,y'see;
the poxy vine creepers have crept under the eaves
and insist upon tangling with me.

So,as any bloke would,I rip the sods out
so my face [though it be no great beauty]
can move around 'my' shed without being whipped
as if it were that poxy plant's duty.

BUT-here be the moral of this dire tirade-
I never strip it more than I need.
Because the one time I stripped the sod almost to ground
Yes,Dear's vocals made both my ears bleed!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Oh woe is you
But here's what to do
Russian vines are well and good
But they might react on the shed wood
So get some stuff and treat it right
And you’ll rest in peace at night.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

They say we are advancing
But it feels like ‘lost the plot’
Where have those care free days all gone
When a dot was still a dot………………

Our senses are assailed each day
With horrors near and far
They flash up our phones and screens
Nothing has been debarred

I can remember private times
With a sort purred radio sound
Only the posh had phones back then
These were the golden times

We could sit in peace and quiet
For as long as we damned well liked
No newspapers delivered to the door
We borrowed each others bikes