13-12-2017, 09:30 PM
3864
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
The Banana Watch (mark 1)
Forget about the limited functions of the Apple watch this Christmas.
Introducing the brand new “Banana Watch” not seen on TV and only from Jem’s Jewels
Let me just list a few of the amazing features of the Banana watch.
(1) Powered by the electricity of your own body so it never stops or needs batteries (Barring you don’t drop dead, but then you wouldn’t need it)
(2) Tells the time/date/weather/ racing results when you ask it by voice recognition.
(3) Tells your body temperature, heart rate, and how many calories you have consumed in the last 24 hours.
(4) Three sharp bleeps warns of ‘surprise visits’ from unwanted relatives.
(5) If in a strange town it tells you where the best pub is located.
(6) Wakes you up with a loud shrill anytime you want to, just state wakeup time before you take your afternoon nap.
(7) Comes with 100 tiny electrically charged paper stickers to attach to items like keys, specs, pipe, wife, dog etc., so it will find them for you when you need them.
(8) When in a strange eatery, a tiny green light flashes just after you have swallowed the first morsel of food to indicate that it’s safe to eat. (food poisoning is on the increase)
(9) A tiny red light flashes if it detects unpleasant body odour, (there is a lot of this in the pubs now, especially with the heat on full blast in this weather, whereas the smoking used to mask all that) just ask the watch is it close to you or is it you, if it’s you it politely tells you to go home and have a shower.
(10) A tiny amber light flashes if a fart is on it’s way, giving you plenty of time to head for the toilet.
(11) Can send a microwave beam to the wife’s vocal cords to shut her up at will.
Excellent watch and great value at 150 euros plus vat.