08-12-2017, 10:17 AM
3801
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
Originally Posted by Jem
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Bravo Gummy, you're on a roll.
Avant gardening, I like that Fruity, I’m a barogue man meself, no time for avant garde paintings at all, absolutism or nothing, the bold Caravaggio is a favourite of mine, he was the one who coined “If your going to do something, do it right”
Unlike Picasso and all the other chancers he never went through ‘Blue periods’ ‘Cubism periods’ ‘Matchstick periods’ and the likes, in fact he never had any periods at all.
My Uncle Joe was a gardener back in the 1930’s, he was very militant and wanted to take over the world and turn it into one big garden, so he formed a gardeners party called ‘The Third Rake’, they were doing alright until some German chap with a small moustache copied the name.
I had a carravagio as well for a while. My Lovely and I spent our honeymoon in one, and we had many a wet 'ollerday in a bigger jobby with the saturated kids and a soggy doggie.
As for paintings and art and stuff, if tha can't see wor it supposed to be, it's pretentious carp, not art.
Originally Posted by spitfire
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Just an aside, has anyone ever had a Truncated "Learning Curve"?
08-12-2017, 01:35 PM
3803
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
Stinky Prawn NoodlesToday I had some sinky prawn noodles
They were floatin in a bowl big as brass
I sprinkled on moonshine and vinegar
And Asian pros all out of a glass!
I added some hot boiling water – well it seems to kill all the rats
Then some colli and kale and the prawns without tails
From deep freezer double frozen freezed vat
And now ceremony el supremo
The dunkin in ‘stinky prawny cream’
I just can't describe all the pleasure
it's like havin some mutiple wet dreams
the eyes slowly just start to water
and spin both in sequence to time
the nostrils break out like a repossessed trout
and ya magnitude starts to unwind
I just cannot describe all the sneezin
it's just uncontrollable bliss
I am jumpin about like that waterless trout
and I'm strongly in need of a piss!!
08-12-2017, 08:37 PM
3804
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
Prawn noodles! yuk! but everyone to their own taste said the monkey as he licked his backside.Late at night I've noticed a lot of ads on TV now about various social diseases, condoms, ladies creams, gels, and personal stuff, why this sudden awareness? It's good if it makes the younger folks well up on sexual matters, but young adults don't watch TV much if at all nowadays, well my two grandsons don't, they are always on their laptops and phones.
Some of these ads are very vocally explicit too, God when I think back to my boyhood, if you even mentioned the word 'Sex' you got a clip on the ear, and sex education didn't exist, your parents didn't know much about it either so no use asking them, probably get another few clatters for asking anyway.
Makes one wonder how the hell oldies like us ever made it unscathed through all that when some of us didn’t even know what the other sex looked like naked when we were young.
Reminds me of what the grumpy old man said when he saw the city kids playing cowboys in the city park “Bah! Cowboys me arse, and them that never saw a Cow in their lives”
My fathers father was a very grumpy old git, no time for kids whatsoever, though it didn’t stop him siring five of them. He was retired when I was growing up and he sat in his own special chair all day smoking his pipe and reading, I never saw him smile and if you asked him a question he would just grunt at you and tell you to go away. I promised meself that no matter how old I lived to be I would never end up like him, so if I make it to 55 I’ll still be as cheerful as I can be.
09-12-2017, 02:39 PM
3807
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
Originally Posted by spitfire
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Of late, I have one poop at 6.30am, and another one at 7.20am, this could be troublesome, good job of late, I no longer give two shits.
No shit?
Better a late shit than no shit at all.
That’s like the old schoolboy joke about the constipated Indian chief.
The medicine man gave the messenger a bottle of very powerful constipation pills and told him to tell the chief to take two and see how it goes.
The next day the brave comes back and when asked how the chief was he says “Big chief no shit”
Then the medicine man told him to take four.
Same thing the next day “Big chief no shit”
This goes on all week and the medicine man is getting fed up, “Tell him to take the whole bottle of them for God’s sake”
Next day the messenger comes back and says “Big shit… no chief”
09-12-2017, 04:44 PM
3808
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
Ahhh,yes,I recall my yoof...and the day I brought home my girlfriend to meet my dad. He sat in his armchair,looked her up-and-down,looked at me,said "This one's a keeper" and resumed reading his newspaper.All ok so far...but when I asked him if he REALLY thought she was a keeper,he replied
"Yup. She smells of elephant shit"...
09-12-2017, 05:13 PM
3809
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
I see we're back in the manure business again.Might be a good time to visit the church and atone for my sins.
There was a big row over in the church last night and the parish priest came out the worst of it.
It all started out with the best intentions, the priest, who is also the choirmaster, decided that it might be a good idea to get together a choir of local girls and train them to sing Christmas carols for the high mass on Christmas morning.
He had a tough job rounding up fifteen girls and persuading them to come into church and practice.
Well I just happened to be in church last night lighting a candle for me great uncle Davy, it would have been his birthday you see. I decided to stay on for a bit and listen to the girls sing.
They started off with “Mary’s boy Child” and they were halfway through the first verse when father Ryan taps his rhytmnstick hard on the music stand “Stop stop stop, it’s no good, no good at all, there is some who’re singing and there is some who’re not”
Well all hell broke loose and they made a charge for the poor unfortunate priest shouting “Who’s he calling a whore?!!!”
09-12-2017, 10:03 PM
3810
Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)
The tale of the tail-less horse.Many years ago I made a brace of traditionally hand carved rocking horses for each of my two boys. Having talked about this at work, my team leader told me had an old toy rocking horse made in the sixties, saying he would like it to go to a good home and would I restore it and give it to charity.
Well, our youngest decided to "help" as kids do, took it apart, started sanding it down, and then lost interest. Now, a few years later I have finally got round to restoring it myself.
I've got the base, which needs bits replacing, the "stirrups" that bolt direct to the body, the horse itself, the swing irons that allow it to swing but not the brackets that hold them to the base, and the mane, but no tail.
I can replace the cross pieces on the base without problem. I can make new swing iron brackets by bending some iron on my trusty anvil, for I have an "ology" in metalwork, but I cannot for the life of me work out how to replace the tail.
The hosses I made had real hosshair manes and tails, but this toy version has a mane that looks like a very small rug, stitched on the back and fluffy on the top.
I have yet to find anything that will match the mane, which I would like to re-use as I want to keep the horse as original as possible.
Now, my Auntie/MiL has a small black poodle and its fur exactly matches the mane, but she is reluctant to let me shear it to make a poodle-hair horse tail. In light of her intransigence, what can I use to make a substitute tail?
I am thinking I might have to trawl local charity shops to find a fake-fur or fake fur collared coat.
All because our youngest decided to "help." *sigh*
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