Growing old gracefully

An Asian friend of mine sent this list of tips for a long happy life hence perhaps some odd English. It must be borne in mind that generally Asian children are expected to look after their parents. Personally I think it is a list to live by (especially when I read some of the pleas for help in this forum from people trying to deal with their children).

To avoid falling into this vulnerable, pitiful state, keep these 9 tips in mind:

1. Do not retire. If you’re over-aged, retire and get all the benefits but find another income-generating job or open a business that will keep you active physically and mentally. Travel and bond with true friends, play a sport, learn a new hobby and volunteer in your community or parish. Don’t loaf around. Your spouse will hate you because you’ve become a sloppy, listless bum with nothing good to say about the household and things that you never bothered about before. Solve crossword puzzles, play Scrabble, write your memoirs, and above all, read …this will keep you alert and keep Alzheimer’s at bay.
   
   
2. Live in your own place to enjoy independence, privacy and a solo life. If you move in with your children, your rank or degree of importance is reduced to that of a bed spacer who has no place of honor or, worse, like crumbling furniture merely displayed with no added value. Might you kowtow to conform to their own rules that are not kind, considerate or mindful of you? If you witness your children engaged in a war of will and wits with your grandchildren, whom will you side with? Will they even appreciate your arbitration? Remind your children that silence is not a sign of weakness; you are merely processing data that is taking longer to complete.
   
   
3. Hold on to your nest egg, bank deposits and assets. If you want to help your children, do give, but not to the extent that you wipe out your life’s earnings, singing heroically not a shirt on my back nor a penny to my name. Staying solvent and in the black is a good hedge against all kinds of tempests. You will sleep better, you will not be afraid to express your opinion and you will be confident about yourself..
   
   
4. Don’t believe your children’s promise to care for you when you grow old. Priorities change. Many children are not guilt-ridden or filled with a sense of moral obligation when the wife and offspring take top billing in their lives. There are still children who would consider it a privilege to show compassion, genuine love and deep concern for their parents but be warned that not all children think alike.
   
   
5. Expand your circle of friends to include young ones who will definitely outlive your old BFFs. Keep up with new inventions, trends, music and lifestyle including all the scams and schemes you should guard against. Remember that when you mix with the young, you also open a fresh avenue to channel your thoughts, experiences and values through so that the lessons you learned are not lost, forgotten or buried with you.
   
   
6. Be well groomed and smelling fresh of spring water all the time. There’s nothing more depressing than seeing people exhale when you walk by because you reek of baul (camphor chest) or lupa (dirt). Old age or bust, don’t look and smell like a corpse when you’re not one yet.
   
   
7. Do not meddle in the life of your children. If they ask for your counsel, give it, but be ready to accept that they may not take it. Their situations in life cannot be compared to the situations that you experienced in your life. The playing field has changed and they need to develop their own set of survival skills. If you raised them to be street smart, they can handle themselves in tough situations and be able to read people. Champion and encourage their dreams and desires but on their own terms.
   
   
8. Do not use old age as your shield and justification for turning grumpy. There’s nothing more annoying than an arrogant, old fool. Welcome each day as another chance to be kind and forgiving, to yourself and to others.
   
   
9. Listen to what others may say. Do not throw your weight around just because you are a septuagenarian or a nonagenarian. You are not a depository of knowledge. Even if the roles have been reversed, make growing old a fun-filled, pleasant experience for you and your brood.

Isn't that pretty right? I think it should be framed in gold and presented to everybody nearing retirement age. Perhaps No 7 should be in Bold

Re: Growing old gracefully

That could be Sorta right.

Re: Growing old gracefully

I was in China on a Virgin tour and one trip we walked through the park where the elderly were dancing ( including line dancing) playing drums, doing martial arts and gaming. not a child in sight which we thought was a bit odd

Re: Growing old gracefully

Not odd at all SP - the oldies are entitled to their fun time too .....

Re: Growing old gracefully

Bruce - the list is fab !!

Re: Growing old gracefully

BTW. BFFs = Best Friends Forever (it's an Asian thing)

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That's a very good list Bruce, I agree with everything on it, especially the grumpy part because I do know one or two grumpy folks up in the local, never a smile nor a wave and giving out about everything under the sun, such a pity.

Re: Growing old gracefully

Excellent, Bruce.

Re: Growing old gracefully

Great advice Bruce, coincides with my own general thoughts but seeing it written down gives it more weight somehow.

Re: Growing old gracefully

I think it´s a brilliant list. Number 8 reminds me of my mother in law (now dead), she was just about the most negative person I have ever known. I remember visiting her one day after visiting my own mother, who rarely complained about anything despite the fact she was blind, crippled with arthritis and had a bad heart. This particular day my mum was crying because she was trying to make Christmas cake and couldn´t feel the difference between sultanas and currants. When mother in law asked me how she was I told her my mum was having a bad day, this instantly brought the "nobody knows what it´s like to suffer as I do" from her. I´m normally laid back but this remark brought out the worst in me and I lashed out telling mother in law how lucky she was that she had 3 sons who visited every day to do her jobs, how lucky she was that she went out to her clubs and on holidays and was taken out by neighbours shopping most days whilst my mother sat in a chair almost all day unable to go outside without assistance. Having said my piece I walked out before I exploded. I made my mind up there and then that hopefully I would never become like that.
Another of mother in law´s grumps was when people walking past her garden gate would say "morning Mrs ....., nice day isn´t it", her reply was "nice for them that can get out in it". Truly I don´t ever want to become a grumpy, miserable old soul and hope I never do.