Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

My only sister was married twice and never had any kids, she's in her sixties now and she was never asked or hassled about it in her life by any of her family, parents included, it's her decision and we always respected that, besides it's none of our business either. I have always loved kids and get on great with them, I was over the moon when my son and his lovely wife told us they were expecting a child after ten years of marriage, little Patrizio is a year and I month old and we all adore him. I had almost given up on seeing them with a child but again that is entirely between them and nothing to do with me.

Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

We never wanted children and I'm really thankful we both felt the same, otherwise one of us (probably me) would have perhaps felt obliged to give in and conform. As it is, we were voluntarily childfree and have had what a lot of people with children would consider a selfish life. The thought of painful labour terrified me, I've never much liked the company of children, and although I'm sure there are many parents who adore their families we know many couples personally whose lives seem to consist of sacrifice, worry, hurt and other negative emotions thanks to their offspring. They take over your life as small children, demanding and dominating conversations and disrupting meals out and as teenagers they seem to bring a different sort of misery. Then they marry and if they split up often grandparents are denied seeing their grandchildren's visits if the other half moves on.

Still, it's not all bad .... if you're fortunate one of them may become your unpaid carer when you're old and infirm.

I know, I know - your kids can bring you great joy and love and fun and it's just as well I never had any (quite agree there!). I can understand a woman's urge to reproduce even though it's never occurred to me - just as well we aren't all the same eh?

Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

Much better to be honest about not wanting children than conform and resent them, looking at some of the families about I often think they have done it because they felt they should not because they wanted children themselves. (my Mum comes to mind and my two sisters hence so much fracture in my family).

Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

So right - my Mother should never have had children

Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

It is better by far that people who don't want children, no matter what the reasons, don't have them. My own mother had several, most of which she should never have had, she used some of us as unpaid servants. A very selfish and inconsiderate woman.

Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

I always knew I didn't want children, I've had several pets though and they've all made me happy

Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

snap!

Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

Selfish reasons really, years ago I would have had to give up work and stay at home to raise them because that's what happened back then, these days their are alternatives.
I also value my independence and didn't want to feel trapped if that makes sense.

I know I made the right decision because I was divorced after just 2 years of marriage and my life would have changed drastically if I'd had children.

Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

I remember an old Ronald Shiner film about an army medical, when a Yorkie character was asked how many children have you got.
The reply was "One ere one there and one ont way." I think it was either Brian Rix or George Cole.
We wouldn't have got married if kids hadn't have been a consideration, we have 3 lovely children all grown up now, with just two grandkids.
Neither of my girls considered children.

Re: Did You Feel Pressured To Have Children?

I always find it interesting that some people who have decided not to have children consider themselves, or are considered by others to be, selfish. I don't think that is true.

My view is that in some ways people who want to have children are selfish. I know there is a lot of selflessness along the way once you are a parent, but if you decide to have children it is because you WANT children, for whatever reason. In other words, deciding to have a child is doing something to please yourself as the parent. Ergo, some selfishness involved?

So I'd be quite interested to hear why people do decide they want children. Perhaps they satisfy a need for something? I've got my own views on why people may want children, but would love to hear others verbalise why they wanted them. I certainly would have liked children, but it didn't happen.