04-03-2018, 09:00 PM
632
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by longdogs
->
a man walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne.'what are we celebrating? Asks the barman.
'my wife has just run off with my best friend'.
'what's his name?'
'i don't know, i've never met the poor bastard'.
05-03-2018, 01:07 PM
633
Re: Jokes for blokes
A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. When the man has ordered his drink, the monkey runs off towards the snooker table, jumps up, picks up the cue ball and swallows it.'Did you see that?' asks the barman. Your monkey has eaten my cue ball'.
'Sorry about that says the man, obviously I will pay you for a new one'.
So the man pays for his drink and a new cue ball and leaves.
A week later the man walks in again, with the monkey on his shoulder. After the man orders his drink, the monkey jumps up on the bar, picks up a peanut, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out then eats it. Then he finds a plate of cocktail cherries, he picks one up, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out then eats it.
The barman is getting annoyed now and asks the man;
'Why is your monkey sticking things up his arse before eating them?'
The man says; After eating that cue ball, he likes to measure things first'.
05-03-2018, 05:25 PM
634
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Longdogs
->
A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. When the man has ordered his drink, the monkey runs off towards the snooker table, jumps up, picks up the cue ball and swallows it.'Did you see that?' asks the barman. Your monkey has eaten my cue ball'.
'Sorry about that says the man, obviously I will pay you for a new one'.
So the man pays for his drink and a new cue ball and leaves.
A week later the man walks in again, with the monkey on his shoulder. After the man orders his drink, the monkey jumps up on the bar, picks up a peanut, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out then eats it. Then he finds a plate of cocktail cherries, he picks one up, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out then eats it.
The barman is getting annoyed now and asks the man;
'Why is your monkey sticking things up his arse before eating them?'
The man says; After eating that cue ball, he likes to measure things first'.
05-03-2018, 05:53 PM
635
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Longdogs
->
A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. When the man has ordered his drink, the monkey runs off towards the snooker table, jumps up, picks up the cue ball and swallows it.'Did you see that?' asks the barman. Your monkey has eaten my cue ball'.
'Sorry about that says the man, obviously I will pay you for a new one'.
So the man pays for his drink and a new cue ball and leaves.
A week later the man walks in again, with the monkey on his shoulder. After the man orders his drink, the monkey jumps up on the bar, picks up a peanut, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out then eats it. Then he finds a plate of cocktail cherries, he picks one up, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out then eats it.
The barman is getting annoyed now and asks the man;
'Why is your monkey sticking things up his arse before eating them?'
The man says; After eating that cue ball, he likes to measure things first'.
Tut tut plagiarism LD.
http://www.over50sforum.com/showthread.php?t=50981
You will be recieving a call from my solicitor..
05-03-2018, 06:11 PM
636
Re: Jokes for blokes
A man is driving in the Scottish highlands, when suddenly a huge red haired Scotsman appears out of the mist standing in the middle of the road, the driver is petrified, as this hairy Scotsman is at least six foot four, and built like a brick shithouse, then the man notices a beautiful young girl standing beside the red haired Scot, suddenly, the red giant is beside the car, and, yanking open the door, lifts the driver out of his seat, “ ha want ye ter masturbate “ says the scot, terrified the man begins to masturbate, and, thinking of the lovely young girl , he soon finishes, “ du it agen” says the Scot, so the man masturbates again, and finishes quickly, “ du it agen” shouts the Scotsman, this goes on for several hours , by now the mans penis is red raw, his arms ache so much and he has cramp in his fingers, “ du it agen, “ says the red beast, “ I can’t, the man replies, curling up in a ball and sobbing, “ I can’t do it anymore, just kill me and get it over with”, the big hairy Scotsman looks at the poor fellow and says, “ wull in tha, case can ye give ma darter a lift te Inverness?”06-03-2018, 10:54 AM
637
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by longfellow
->
Tut tut plagiarism LD.http://www.over50sforum.com/showthread.php?t=50981
You will be recieving a call from my solicitor..
06-03-2018, 10:56 AM
638
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Primus1
->
A man is driving in the Scottish highlands, when suddenly a huge red haired Scotsman appears out of the mist standing in the middle of the road, the driver is petrified, as this hairy Scotsman is at least six foot four, and built like a brick shithouse, then the man notices a beautiful young girl standing beside the red haired Scot, suddenly, the red giant is beside the car, and, yanking open the door, lifts the driver out of his seat, “ ha want ye ter masturbate “ says the scot, terrified the man begins to masturbate, and, thinking of the lovely young girl , he soon finishes, “ du it agen” says the Scot, so the man masturbates again, and finishes quickly, “ du it agen” shouts the Scotsman, this goes on for several hours , by now the mans penis is red raw, his arms ache so much and he has cramp in his fingers, “ du it agen, “ says the red beast, “ I can’t, the man replies, curling up in a ball and sobbing, “ I can’t do it anymore, just kill me and get it over with”, the big hairy Scotsman looks at the poor fellow and says, “ wull in tha, case can ye give ma darter a lift te Inverness?”
06-03-2018, 11:01 AM
639
Re: Jokes for blokes
It's true! This thread has gone on for so long that old jokes are being recycled. That's not important, of course, because people forget things. Well, I certainly do anyway. It's my age.As my 'Jokes for Blokes' book has now reached the end, I might do the same. Or, perhaps, go back and find some of the less-funny ones I didn't use!
06-03-2018, 05:05 PM
640
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by JBR
->
It's true! This thread has gone on for so long that old jokes are being recycled. That's not important, of course, because people forget things. Well, I certainly do anyway. It's my age.As my 'Jokes for Blokes' book has now reached the end, I might do the same. Or, perhaps, go back and find some of the less-funny ones I didn't use!
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