Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)
140
A Dream Comes True
(and A Death in the Family!)
They set off the next morning in a taxi immediately after breakfast, for Boulevard du Parc where the Disneyland Resort is located. Bel had already bought two tickets, so there was no need for them to queue up with everyone else trying to get in. They'd gone extra early so that they could have a full day in the land of Crusty's dreams, but she fretted thinking about what sort of mischief he might get himself into.
"Reet lad. Here we are! Come on and let's have a lovely day without you gerrin into bother, okay?"
"No probs Bel. Weer are we?"
She turned so that her body was facing him and looked down on his eight strands of hair, which stretched across his bald head in a feeble attempt at a comb-over.
"Weer's yer beret today, owd lad? I can see the lump and that bruise on't top of yer yed where I gid ya that pile driver yesterday."
"Me berrit? Oh aye! It's here in me pocket Bel. Will I pur'it on?"
"That's a good boy. Good! That looks better now. Tha' favvers bluddy weel as usual with it pulled down over yer eyebrows! Neh then owd fettler, look up at me!"
"But Bel, I allers ger’a crick in me neck when I do that 'cos yer a long way up!"
"Just do as I tell ya lad and ya'll not be disappointed!"
"Okay."
He craned up his neck with a creak until he could see up her nose, and nearly jumped out of his owd black jacket when he saw her grinning.
"Wor'at grinning like that for Bel? Tha' favvers an owd Morris Minor grille round't gob!"
She tittered at him.
"Ya wanted to know where I've brought ya owd lad, an'a wanted to be able't see yer piggy little eyes when I tell ya. Are ya ready?"
"Yis Bel. Hurry up 'cos me neck's hurting!"
"This, Crusty, is the entrance to Disneyland!!"
His eyes gleamed and his tongue lolled out, but only for a moment, then the light went out of his eyes and he started sulking again.
"It cawn't be 'cos Disneyland's in America. Even I know that Bel. Ya cawn't fool me! I know ya thinks I'm daft, burram not that bluddy daft!"
She rolled up her eyes.
"No lad. Disney World is in America, but this is Disney Land in Paris. Come on lad. Let's get goin'!"
Suddenly it dawned on him what she was saying and he beamed at her.
"Ooh, ta Bel! Canna look down now please?"
"Ya can that lad."
Creak!
They spent the full day in Disneyland and Crusty had his photo taken with Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Pluto and all the others. Bel had made sure her camera had charged up batteries, spares, and a spare card before they'd even left England, and she got a huge kick out of watching his face as he dashed all over the place, not wanting to miss one solitary thing. By the end of the day they were absolutely shattered, and he hadn't got himself into bother for once, so Bel took him to La Cantina, which is located nearby for a meal.
Surprisingly, for the last two days Crusty's table manners had improved because he'd studied his Bel while she was eating. She'd already lamped him twice at the Eiffel Tower and was worried that she'd punch him again if he didn't behave.
"Ya know Bel. It's bin a belting jaunt this has. I'll have't go in a comb more often so I can keep gerrin loads o' treats!"
"Co-ma!"
"Oh aye, coma. Mind you Bel, if I went into another coma I might not wake up next time, might I not?"
"Very true lad. It wouldn't do you any good at all, so no more talk like that. Ya'll still get treats provided ya keep out o' trouble!"
"Smashing owd girl. I thinks the world o' you ya know Bel?"
"Ya thinks the world o' me brass ya mean, y'owd fart-bag! If I were poverty stricken ya wouldn't have hung about for so long!"
"Oh, I don't know Bel. We ger'on beltin' don't we anyway?"
"Aye, as long as ya do wor'I say!"
"So, owd lass. When does this lickle jaunt end?"
"We'll be going home tomorrow lad. It were only a three day trip, burra thowt it'd make a nice little break for ya!"
"Reet then. I've enjoyed meself an awful lot. I've getten me lickle berrit and ........ oh by the way Bel. I thowt ya said ya'd buy me a French maid's outfit for me't wear at The Loaf About!"
Snicker!
"Well we'll pop to't shops in't morning before we go for our plane and I'll see worra can get ya!"
-oo0oo-
The following day was Wednesday which was going to prove to be a very long day for Crusty and Bel. At eleven thirty that morning, Crusty got back home after Bel dropped him off in her taxi.
"Ya'd best get some washing done when ya ger'in owd lad 'cos them bluddy smelly owd brown trousers o' yours stink rotten with having yer mouldy sausages in yer turn ups, and that shirt ya've had on for't last three days pongs an' all!"
"Reet Bel, will do. Ta very muchly for a lovely lickle holiday. I'll speak to ya soon owd girl. Ya can allers depend on me!"
"To do wot? Ne' mind! I'll si' thi' lad!"
Once she'd gone, Crusty decided to make a big effort and went upstairs to remove his clothes and make a load up for the washing machine. He put on his brand new pale pink candlewick bathrobe and kippers then trundled back downstairs again, loading the machine. When that was done he put the kettle on to make himself a brew, and went scavenging through his cupboards to see what food he had in.
"Mmmm! I've nor'ad stewed steak, tinned potatoes and peys for a bit so that's worrall have for me din-dins! Happen I'll open a tin o' carrots as well for a change!"
He put the food on to cook, made his brew and sat at the kitchen table reading his new Beano that had been pushed through the door by the paper boy.
An hour or so later, belly full once more, he decided to go into his living room and either put the telly on, or perhaps listen to his Macaroni and put his feet up. He decided to listen to some music, so he tuned it into that nth channel that only Crusty knows about and settled into his armchair, head back and eyes closed, listening to The Billy Cotton Band. Crusty's Macaroni only ever played really old tunes, nothing else!
"Aaah! How nice! There's nowt like a lickle bit o' peace and quiet. That's summat my Bel dun't ger’a lorrof when I'm around!"
He started to doze and then suddenly his eyes flirted open wide, fear spreading across his face.
Paaarp!
"Why is it so quiet?"
Paaarip!
He got up and walked over to Mr Blobbles' cage.
"Hiya lad. Pooh! It stunk that! Yer crappy pappy's back. Are ya having a nice lickle kip? Alreet lad. I'll not disturb ya!"
Crusty went back to his chair and fell asleep, and it was three hours later when his eyes opened again.
"Neh then! That were a nice lickle sleep! Am bluddy hungry!"
He got up and turned to go into the kitchen, but decided to have a chat with Mr Blobbles before he did so.
"Hey up Mr Blobbles! Yer not still a-kip are ya owd lad? Mr Blobbles?"
There was no sound and no movement from the cage, and Crusty became very worried about the parrot.
"I'd best see wot my Bel says about this."
He dialled her number and she answered immediately.
"Wot?"
"Hiya Bel! It's your Crusty a-caaaalling you from his lickle hallway at 13 Bakewell Drive and he's gor’a bit of a problem!"
"Reet lad! Wot's he bin up to this time?"
"Nowt! He's only had a lickle sleep for a couple of hours Bel, that's all!"
"Well wot's the problem then?"
"It's Mr Blobbles Bel. I cawn't seem't be able't wake him up out of his sleep. D'ya think he might've gone into a comb .... co-ma?"
"Listen lad an' I'll tell ya worrall do. I'll come over and see wot's up and then I'll tek ya for a pint somewhere later. How does that sound?"
"Brilliant Bel. See ya in a minute!"
"See ya later owd fettler! It'll be about six by't time I get there. I've only just pur’a load into me washing machine! I'll fetch summat wi' me for our teas though!"
"Great! Ta Bel!"
When Bel arrived she let herself in with her key and popped her head round Crusty's living room door where she saw him shaking the cage, and berating poor old Mr Blobbles for sleeping too long.