Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

Me again , hi everyone , great discussion by the way .

Friend is on her own , widowed , husband sadly committed suicide when her two were 12 and 10 found by her and the kids . Also remember I said 25yr old son has a defective gene from birth so I reckon she is riddled with guilt as most mothers are . Yes she's been a soft touch and the son tapped into it growing up as mother tried to give him a good life and make up for all the hurting (as we do) but he has turned out to be a pathological liar and thief .( His sister is no problem and married with new baby )

From a distance I agree in tough love and tell myself I'd kick him out , but would I , could I , I'm not sure I could .

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

As a mother myself, I am not sure I could chuck him out either, Susan. The big mistake was letting him come back after the break-up of his relationship. As he has been in trouble before and has physical/mental? problems, I think if I were this mum I would try to get help from outside the family for him. There should be a line of contact into professional help/advice if he has needed support in the past and has a record, otherwise I wonder if her GP would be a good first port of call. I certainly would not leave anything of value in the house and would even consider putting a lock on my own bedroom door. Has she tried putting terms and conditions on him staying with her. Now he is back home I can see it is going to be difficult for her to solve this on her own. She needs to get some help with him. If she is at the end of her tether and really does want him gone, she could change the locks when he is out and refuse to let him in. She may need the help of the police to see this through. She could give him "notice to leave" before doing it - and then with the option of leaving the house herself for a while if it gets too rough. Seems extreme, but if the police became involved it could help. However, she must find the strength and determination to do it and stick to it - but from what you have said that will be easier said that done. There are times though when you have to make a stand - even if it is with your own flesh and blood. I hope the situation improves with your friend and she finds the support she needs.

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

Poor woman she is on her own with no support .
How can she ever turn out her son with his multiple problems ?
Never .
Sadly there doesn't seem to be an easy solution to her troubles.

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

I thank the sweet Lord that I am not in her position as I am renowned for being a soft touch! It is all very well for others to say chuck him out or change the locks, but it sounds as though she is in a terrible dilemma. He is her son, she obviously loves him so it must be terribly hard for a mother to turn her back on him regardless of what a little b.....d he is.
I don't know what the solution is if he is stealing from her and obviously won't do what is right and get a place of his own.

I feel for her, Even murderers mothers say they still love them. Pity he doesn't have brothers - one who could give him a good sorting!!

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

Spot on.

Think we ought to avoid the use of the term b*****d given the suicide of his father though