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15-12-2017, 05:59 PM
511

Re: Jokes for blokes

A school teacher at a Liverpool school tells her class that she's a Liverpool FC supporter and asks her students to raise their hands if they're supporters too.

Not really knowing why, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air like fireworks.

There is, however, one exception, a girl named Becky isn't going along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Scouser."

"Then, what are you?" asks the teacher.

"I'm a proud Mancunian and support MUFC" boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red and asks her why she's an MUFC supporter.

"Well, my mum and dad are MUFC fans, so I'm a MUFC supporter too."

The teacher is now angry and screams, "That's no reason! What if your mum was a moron and your dad was a moron!? What would you be then?"

A pause and a smile.

"Then," says Becky. "I'd be a Scouser."
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15-12-2017, 06:21 PM
512

Re: Jokes for blokes

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York
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15-12-2017, 07:33 PM
513

Re: Jokes for blokes

Bill had worked in a pickle factory for years, one day he came home and said to his wife, " I've got this urge to stick my penis into the pickle slicer", his wife replied," that's definitely not right I think you need to see the doctor, you need professional help, " a couple of weeks later bill comes home, ashen faced and worried, "what's wrong" asks his wife," well you know I had that urge to stick my penis into the pickle slicer, well today I did it" " oh my god" replied his wife" what happened", " I got fired" bill replied, " what about the pickle slicer" asked his wife," oh, she got fired too," said bill
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17-12-2017, 11:14 PM
514

Re: Jokes for blokes

Did you know you could recognise the gender of a person by the car they drive?

If it's in a ditch, it belongs to a woman
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18-12-2017, 11:35 PM
515

Re: Jokes for blokes

The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Very critical," replied the officer.

"What's she bleeding complaining about now?" I said.
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18-12-2017, 11:54 PM
516

Re: Jokes for blokes

Willie the Whale and his whale girlfriend, Monica, are swimming happily through the ocean, when they come upon a boat.

On seeing the boat, Willie says, "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!"

Monica says, "Oh, I don't know..."

"Come on, it'll be fun. Come on, just this once!" says Willie.

Monica agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending the hapless sailors into the water.

As they are swimming away, Willie says, "Wow, that was fun, wasn't it? Hey, I've got another idea! Let's swim back there and eat all the sailors!"

To which Monica, exasperated, replies, "Look, I agreed to the blowjob, but I'm not swallowing any seamen."
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19-12-2017, 07:29 PM
517

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by JBR ->
Willie the Whale and his whale girlfriend, Monica, are swimming happily through the ocean, when they come upon a boat.

On seeing the boat, Willie says, "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!"

Monica says, "Oh, I don't know..."

"Come on, it'll be fun. Come on, just this once!" says Willie.

Monica agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending the hapless sailors into the water.

As they are swimming away, Willie says, "Wow, that was fun, wasn't it? Hey, I've got another idea! Let's swim back there and eat all the sailors!"

To which Monica, exasperated, replies, "Look, I agreed to the blowjob, but I'm not swallowing any seamen."
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SW England
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19-12-2017, 07:29 PM
518

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Judd ->
The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Very critical," replied the officer.

"What's she bleeding complaining about now?" I said.
Love it.
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Judd
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20-12-2017, 11:12 PM
519

Re: Jokes for blokes

A guy goes into hospital to have a vasectomy.
The surgeon visits him later and says "I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, unfortunately your notes got mixed up with another patient and we've given you a sex change instead of a vasectomy"
The guy gulps and says "Does that mean that I will never experience an erection again, Doctor"?
The surgeon replies "Well you may, but it wont be yours"
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20-12-2017, 11:26 PM
520

Re: Jokes for blokes

Awesome Judd....
 
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