Re: Jokes for blokes

A woman gets on a bus carrying a baby.
The bus driver takes one look at the baby and says, My God, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.
The woman is furious and stomps off toward a vacant seat, still muttering to herself.
The man seated next to her asks, "You look upset. What's the matter?
The woman says, That damn driver just insulted me !
The man says. "You don't have to take that. You go back up there and tell him off. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you".

Re: Jokes for blokes

My girlfriend left me because she says I only ever think about football.

I'm gutted, we'd been together for nearly three seasons.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Bill Clinton, George W Bush and Tony Blair all died in a plane crash and went to heaven. First, God asked Clinton about his beliefs.

Clinton replied, "I am a strong believer in freedom of choice for people."

"Those are admirable principles," said God. "Come and sit at my right."

Then God asked Bush for his views.

Bush answered, "I believe in freeing countries from tyrannical regimes."

"Noble sentiments," said God. "Come and sit at my left hand."

Finally, God turned to Blair, who was staring at him indignantly. "What's the matter, Tony?" asked God.

Blair replied, "You're sitting in my bloody chair!"

Re: Jokes for blokes

'What can I get you?' asks the barman.

A time traveller walks into a bar.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Daft bugger.

Just my kind of joke.

Re: Jokes for blokes

I got fed up with my wife's sarcastic comments about how I'd become a disgusting fat slob so I started going to the gym and got myself a tremendous six-pack. Then I went to a salon and had my hair done, a manicure and a fake tan.

Then one night I stripped off in front of her while she was watching telly.
"Wow," She said, "You look fantastic. I can actually see your cock again. I'd almost forgotten how small it was."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Bob is walking home, when he sees a tramp begging for change. Feeling a bit sorry for the man, he gives him some change and begins to walk off.

"Thank you," says the homeless man. "It used to be so good for me, but look at me now."

"What do you mean?" asks Bob.

"The tramp replies, "I was a multi-millionaire, I had bank accounts all over the world with millions in them. I had investments, bonds, stocks, shares and all sorts."

"Well what happened? Where did it all go wrong?" asked Bob.

The tramp replies, "I forgot my mother's maiden name."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Two Irishmen walk past a church and start to read the grave stones.

The first Irishman says, "Bloody hell - this fella was 182!"

"Oh yeah?" says the other. "What was his name?"

"Miles, from London."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Definition of a transvestite:

A man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Nearing the end of his life, the actor W.C. Fields was interviewed in a nursing home for the indigent. The interviewer asked, "Mr. Fields, during your long career you made millions, what happened to all that money ?"
W.C., replied, "Well, most of it I spent on good whiskey, fast women and slow horses. The rest of it I just wasted".