Re: Jokes for blokes

A man sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I
can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The man leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks
"how long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."
The man leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and
says, "About an hour and half."

Again, the man leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
"Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut,
but then doesn't come back."
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"

Re: Jokes for blokes

Paddy rings Murphy and asks;

'What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?'

'Are you on foot or in the car?' asks Murphy

'In the car' says Paddy

'That's the quickest way' says Murphy.

Re: Jokes for blokes

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first boy Billy walked to the front of the class.
He made a small white dot on the blackboard and then went and sat back down again.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period." said little Billy.
"Well, OK, I can see that now," she said, "but what's so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know," said little Billy, "but this morning my 14 year old sister said she was missing hers. Dad had a heart attack, Mum fainted and the man next door shot himself."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Did you hear that the price of lamb in Wales has just gone up?

It's now £4.95 an hour.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Christmas Party Tip:

Asking for a kiss under the cameltoe is NEVER acceptable.

Re: Jokes for blokes

I got sucked into that once. (Snigger).

Re: Jokes for blokes

Love it mate

Re: Jokes for blokes

The pavements were frozen so, in the spirit of Xmas goodwill, I asked my lonely elderly next door neighbour if she wanted anything from the shops. She asked me to get a newspaper and a crate of milk. When I returned with these items, she told me to give them to my wife.
"Why ?," I asked.
The old neighbour replied, "Because I haven't heard her have an orgasm since you stopped having the milk and papers delivered."

Re: Jokes for blokes

A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep sh@gging. First of all, he visits a Cornish farmer.

"So, Farmer Jethro, how do you sh@g your sheep?"

"Well, oi takes the hind legs of the sheep and puts them down my wellie boots and takes the front legs of the sheep and puts them over the wall."

"That's very interesting," replies the researcher.

He then interviews a Yorkshire farmer.

"So, Farmer Bairstow, how do you sh@g your sheep?"

"Well, ah teks the hind legs and puts 'em darn me wellies and teks the front legs and puts 'em ovver t'wall."

"That's very interesting," replies the researcher. "That's how they do it in Cornwall too."

Then he interviews a farmer from Wales.

"So, Farmer Jones, how do you sh@g your sheep?"

"Well, I do it lying against a wall, look you."

"Against the wall?" replies the researcher. "Don't you put their legs down your wellies like everyone else?"

"What?" says the farmer, "and miss out on all the kissing?"

Re: Jokes for blokes

Just as we were going to bed my wife was looking through her wardrobe,

"Just look at this lot, " she said, "I challenge you to try and see if you can make me look good in anything, "

So I casually turned the light off.