Re: A Christmas Story

Now listen 'ere young Judster, if you are insinuating this has anything to do with me, you will be severely dealt with!
Had you stayed in the stable with me and the other ladies, you would have known I did not leave my hay bale all night - so there!

Admit it. It was all your own fault sir.
You blokes never admit it when you've dropped a clanger!

Re: A Christmas Story

Oh aye, who mentioned that it was you who perpetrated this act of larceny? A bit of a guilty conscience is it? Me thinks the lady doth protest too much. And, we all know you ladies will stick together to confirm your alibi (if one were needed).

Re: A Christmas Story

Jacket potatoes with roast chestnut stuffing and lashings of butter ... ooops - i should not have said that !!

Re: A Christmas Story

Well now Doc, I am glad to see you made it.
I've seen the programme, and can now tell you it will start very festive and proper with carol singing and the elves from Santa's Grotto handing out pressies for everyone.

Then, after any small children have been put to bed, our very own Dongle is going to perform one of his famous pole dances for the adults. I'll let you into a secret . . . .
He asked me to get him some sparkly tights specially for rhe occasion. So make sure you have your cameras handy.

They will have bouncers on the door as management have been tipped off that ladies to from far and wide are coming to gate-crash the event.

I believe there are several well known singers, and Judd has volunteered to do some 'stand-up' . . (I've got some squashy tomatoes ready to pelt him with).

Then of course, there will be dancing, and don't forget every table will have a free bottle of Champers as a gift for the double booking error.

So put on your party frocks ladies.

BTW, did Nom really depart at Gretna?
Tabby and I wanted to have a dance with him, too!

Re: A Christmas Story

Re: A Christmas Story

I hope you all enjoyed my pole dance last night (Thanks for the tights Mups). I had a great time up until when the pole collapsed and I ended up with my head stuck between the seats. I did find some things down there though, A 5p piece, a strawberry wine gum and a pair of old knickers.

Re: A Christmas Story

Will you look at the state of this place. Spilled wine, ripped wrapping paper, and trampled party hats all over the floor.

There are snores coming from under the chrymble tree in the corner, one male and two female.

There are also discarded garments of a ladies nether regions amongst the detritus on the floor, and a bra hanging from the chandelier, size 15 1/2. (I measured one of the cups with my bowler hat and doubled the value to get that number.)

Someone has posted pics of the night's events on fakebook and instagranny, whatever that is, as well as tw@tter and trapadvisor. There are even some polaroid images of , um, large acres of derrier flesh, stuck on the walls with what smells like brandy butter.
There is also one picture of what I thought was a train tunnel, but on closer inspection I can see it is a lady's décolletage viewed in close-up.

I have no idea what happened last night, but the menagerie manager isn't happy and is threatening to keep the deposit if the mess isn't cleared up soon.
He had several complaints from other guests about bawdy songs being sung off key. He was particularly vociferous about the 42 verses of The Ball of Kerrymuir, all sung loudly and off key, that his night staff and other guests had to endure.

I'm off back to light up the engine firebox. The train leaves atone on the dot, well, when everyone is on board at any rate.

Re: A Christmas Story

You're still befuddled with booze Fruitcake. Train doesn't start back till Friday morning.

Aren't you coming with the rest of us to see Father Christmas in his Grotto this evening? (Ive heard he's a bit suspicious . . .).
There will hot mince pies and mulled wine too. Yummy.

Then in the morning we have a guided tour round the nearby town to buy some Christmas presents to take home for the ones who couldn't come - that's assuming they've dug the bus out of the snow by then.

Come on, your hangover will soon pass if you have a lie down after lunch.


P.S. Excellent performance Dongle, a performance well worth waiting for. No wonder the gate crashers were lusting after you.

Judsy, sorry I threw the tomatoes at you last night during your stand-up routine.

Re: A Christmas Story

*Fruity hands Mups his bowler hat*

Can you, er, check the ladies for me and see to whom I need to return the bra.

Re: A Christmas Story

Not to worry, they're classed as free food - managed to retain a few and made a salsa dip with them. That's what you all ate last night with your Doritos.