04-02-2018, 04:57 PM
581
Re: Jokes for blokes
A zebra living on the African plains is depressed. All his life he has been troubled because he wasn't sure whether he was white with black stripes or black with white stripes.Finally, the uncertainty forces him to pray to God in order to answer his question. He kneels down, looks up to the heavens and says, "Dear God, please put me out of my misery. Please let me know whether I am a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes."
The skies clear and a booming voice replies, "You are what you are."
The little zebra is puzzled by this answer and goes to see this wise old friend, the giraffe. He tells the giraffe precisely what his question was and what the answer was. "I'm still no wiser," he says to the giraffe.
"But," says the giraffe, "the answer was very clear: you are a white zebra with black stripes. If you had been a black zebra with white stripes, then God would have said, 'You is what you is'."
04-02-2018, 06:56 PM
582
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by JBR
->
A zebra living on the African plains is depressed. All his life he has been troubled because he wasn't sure whether he was white with black stripes or black with white stripes.Finally, the uncertainty forces him to pray to God in order to answer his question. He kneels down, looks up to the heavens and says, "Dear God, please put me out of my misery. Please let me know whether I am a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes."
The skies clear and a booming voice replies, "You are what you are."
The little zebra is puzzled by this answer and goes to see this wise old friend, the giraffe. He tells the giraffe precisely what his question was and what the answer was. "I'm still no wiser," he says to the giraffe.
"But," says the giraffe, "the answer was very clear: you are a white zebra with black stripes. If you had been a black zebra with white stripes, then God would have said, 'You is what you is'."
....Nuff said JB...
04-02-2018, 11:19 PM
583
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by OldGreyFox
->
Thank's Primus, yes 'Barnitts' I knew it was something like that. Thank's for the recommendation, we often visit the M&S cafe at the Vanguard Centre just out of town, it's got some splendid views over York and the Minster. Ah yes, 'Betty's' Always full of tourists with plenty of brass......We always bypass the one in Harrogate as well.....
11-02-2018, 09:42 PM
585
Re: Jokes for blokes
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in a nursing home and the editor of the newspaper,-“The Distorter”, told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin bitteys.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin,
-“WHAT DID HE SAY?”
Said the other,
-“HE SAID, WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!”
-“Now get a little closer together”, said the cameraman. Again,
-“WHAT DID HE SAY?”
-“HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE”
So they wiggled up close to each other.
-“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little”, said the photographer. Yet again,
-“WHAT DID HE SAY?”
-“HE SAYS HE’S GONNA FOCUS!”
With a big grin she shouted out,
-“OH MY GOD – BOTH OF US?”
12-02-2018, 04:56 PM
587
Re: Jokes for blokes
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked, Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?
Maria: Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The first is that I iron better Than you.
Wife: Who said you iron better than me?
Maria: Jor huzban he say so.
Wife: Oh yeah?
Maria: The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.
Wife: Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?
Maria: Jor hozban did.
Wife increasingly agitated: Oh he did, did he?
Maria: The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, And did my husband say that as well?
Maria: No senorita. The gardener did.
Wife: So how much do you want?
12-02-2018, 05:02 PM
588
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Judd
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The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked, Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?
Maria: Well, Senora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The first is that I iron better Than you.
Wife: Who said you iron better than me?
Maria: Jor huzban he say so.
Wife: Oh yeah?
Maria: The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.
Wife: Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?
Maria: Jor hozban did.
Wife increasingly agitated: Oh he did, did he?
Maria: The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, And did my husband say that as well?
Maria: No senorita. The gardener did.
Wife: So how much do you want?
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