Re: Jokes for blokes

Quasimodo passed away, the bishop of Notre Dame decided he needed a new bell ringer so he advertised the position, deciding to hear the applicants, he conducted the interviews at the top of the bell tower, after listening to several applicants he’d almost decided on who he wanted when a man with no arms rushed into the bell tower, “ please let me be your next bell ringer” the man pleaded, “ but how can you ring the bells with no arms” asked the bishop? “ I’ll show you” the man said, he then proceeded to run into the bells hitting them with his face, the bishop had to agree that the armless man did make a pleasing sound, and decided to offer him the job, suddenly the man stepped back and fell to his death, just then another man runs into the bishop, “please bishop let me take that mans place, for he was my brother and I too am a bell ringer” says the man, but before the bishop can make any decisions the man also steps too far back and falls to his death, the bishop runs down into the street where the two men lay, a crowd is gathering, and one man, looks at the man with no arms and says “ who was that man bishop” “ I don’t know” replies the bishop, “ but his face rings a bell” the man then looks at the other man “ what about him” “ no idea” says the bishop “ but he was a dead ringer for his brother...

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all
one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gunwharf
Quay. As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor
noticed her as he strolled by. "You're not thinking of jumping, are you
babes?" he asked. "Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl. Putting his arm
around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge. "Look,
nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for America
tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over
there. I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you
food and water every night and I'll look after you if you look after me
- if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you
won't be found". The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the
sailor sneaked her on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the
sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and
making love to her until dawn. Then, during the fourth week, the captain
was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He
peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an
explanation. The girl came clean, "I've stowed away to get to America.
One of the sailors is helping me out. He set me up in here and brings me
food and water every night and he's screwing me."

The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a grin cracked his
face and he replied, "He certainly is pet. This is the Isle of Wight
Ferry!"

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

Love it!

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

Bobs wife and Bob started dieting a week ago.
His wife proposed they should have a cheat day today
She brought home McDonalds burger, KFC,wings, and Bob brought home his secretary.

From his hospital bed Bob is wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

When he got home from work, the bloke asked his wife
"What was that you put on my sandwiches today? It was bloody horrible."
"Crab paste"
"Where did you get that from?".
"The chemist".