Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )
102
Thunderbolts and Lightning
(very, very Frightening!)
The next day was Monday and Crusty had decided to take the day off from work in honour of his Bel's return. He was trying to decide whether to ring her or not. Would he be waking her up? Would she get angry with him again? Would she be pleased to hear from him? He didn't know. So, cringing, he crept quietly off into his little hallway so she wouldn't hear him coming, and quietly dialled her number.
"Good morning Crusty. How are you today?"
"Morning Bel.
I'm alreet. How are you?"
Fluuur-rup!
"I feel much brighter today owd lad. In fact, I were just goin't ring ya before ya set off for't caff!"
"Am not goin' in today Bel. I thowt we might do summat nice!"
Paaarp!
"My thoughts exactly lad!"
Pareeep!
"So, wockle we do then Bel?"
Paaarp!
"Ger'in yer little car and come over to my house. I'll cook us some brekkie and then I've got summat I want to show ya. Ya'll have the surprise of yer life!"
"Reet, I'll just have a wash and then I'll be on me way. See ya later Bel!"
He hung up and left her standing gob-smacked in her living room with the phone still in her hand.
A wash?
Although Bel's house was only a half hour drive from Pemberton, Crusty always took at least an hour or more to get there. He never went the same way twice and, as Mawdesley is in a very rural area, there were a lot of little country lanes and dirt tracks for him to discover on his way, not to mention the odd turnip field! He was forever getting himself misplaced, but always managed to get there in the end.
Today was no different so, while she was waiting for him, Bel put her coat on and, instead of driving, walked into the nearby village to buy bacon, eggs and a few other items. She hadn't had time to re-stock her larder yet and she had promised to cook him breakfast.
She strolled along breathing in the good clean country air in an effort to finally get rid of the four tons of sand she was sure she'd swallowed whilst abroad. She bought her odds and ends from the small, well-stocked grocery store and thoroughly enjoyed the leisurely walk back home where she started to prepare breakfast, and then awaited his arrival.
An hour and a half later, from her living room, she heard the Volkswagen coming down the drive and saw Crusty at the wheel wearing his crash helmet, yed bobbing up and down as he drove down the gravel.
She tutted, rolled up her eyes, and started walking slowly toward the front door.
Thump, thump, thump, rrrring!
She opened up and Crusty strode through, nose twitching up and down.
"Morning again Bel. Mmmm, that smells bluddy good. There's nowt like the smell o' bacon cookin'! Is me brekkie ready now?"
"More or less owd lad. Well, I've only got the eggs to fry up. Come on into't kitchen and let's ger'it etten!"
"Ya'd not forgotten I were coming an' etten it all up again had ya then?"
"No lad, come on!"
She dished out the full English and Crusty started hanching and grumphing while Bel looked on, remembering that she'd only been away for just over a week or so. It had seemed a lot longer than that. It seemed like a lifetime since she was in the desert belly dancing, singing her heart out and battering people.
He picked up one of the fat juicy sausages in his fingers and stabbed it right into the middle of one of his fried eggs, making the yolk splurt all over the rest of the food and onto the table. He cringed, expecting a clout round the lughole for that, but it didn't come.
"Sorry Bel!"
"It's alright owd lad. Are ya enjoying it?"
"I am that. It's a lot more tasteyful than the brekkie I cooked for meself earlier on. It's good this an'am bluddy hungry!"
"When we've finished I'm going to take you into my office. D'ya remember the last time ya were in there owd lad?"
"I do that Bel. Ya've got one o' them computer things in there haven't ya?"
"That's right, an'ave got summat I want show ya on it. I found something out while I were in Ir ..... while I were away."
"Okay then Bel. I'll just get this lot shovelled down and then ya can show me woritis!"
With his last piece of fried bread he mopped up the rest of the yolk and tomato and then sat back rubbing his belly.
Boip, baaaa-raf-raf, paaarp!
He'd done!
Pareeep!
She'd done!
"Crusty!"
"Yis Bel?"
"Tek yer crash helmet off owd lad! Ya shouldn't really wear it at the breakfast table!"
"Oh aye, reet. Ta Bel, that were bluddy good. I've missed yer cooking!"
"I've only been away just over a week!"
"I know bur'it feels like a lot longer than that."
"Yer right there owd lad, it does. Come on then. Let me show ya worrave found out. Come on boy, heel!"
He scampered along after her with a happy grin into her office where she switched the computer on and fiddled about with some of the keys.
"Neh then owd lad. I've found summat out tharra never noticed before. Ya remember when we were looking at that map of the world and we found Nuku'alofa and them other places?"
Crusty hung his head down low, cringing, and mumbled very quietly.
"Yis Bel!"
"Wot's to do owd lad? Worra ya cringin' for? I'm not goin't gi' ya a punch for wor'appened before."
"It's not that Bel. Promise ya won't gimme a clout if I tell ya summat tharrave bin keeping secret from ya. I think it's about time tharra came clean!"
"Well, it'd be for't first bluddy time! Er .... okay, promise. Worisit?"
"Ya might not like it Bel!"
"Worisit?"
"Well, it were a week after that tharra had a dream when I were asleep in me lickle bed one night. I dreamt tharra was in some o' them places that ya'd shown me on't map, burra couldn't recognise any of 'em an'a asked a pigmy like me who was passing by if there were any Nibbleswick's on th'island. The pigmy said tharra was on't wrong island and tharra had to ger'a bus across the sea to another island, burra didn't catch wot name he called it."
"Your point being?"
"Me poink being tharra don't come from Tonga Bel. I made it up!"
"Well why the bluddy hell did ya say ya did then? In any case, I know that now! Wot made ya think about saying all thar'about Nuku and Tonga an' all them? Ya said ya came from somewhere wi' a loaf in it! Tongue butties, you said. Sandwich Islands, you said!"
"Dunno Bel. I made all thar'up! I just thowt it were wot ya wanted me't say 'cos ya'd gone to all that trouble. I didn't know there really was a place wi' a loaf in it. I wanted to come from someweer and when ya said there was no such place as Mombongo I had to make summat up!"
"You stupid owd pie-can! Oh Crusty. All that time and effort wasted. But ne' mind. Come o'er here and look at wor'it says on this map. I hadn't been able to find it before because I wasn't used to this programme properly. When I was away somebody showed me a set o' maps and as I were looking through 'em I spotted summat tharra just couldn't believe! It were that little it was a bluddy wonder I spotted it at all, burra think I were meant to see it!"
"Worisit then Bel?"
Using the mouse she did a couple of clicks and brought up part of the world atlas then pointed to the tiniest little place they'd ever seen.
"Neh then look at that si' thi'. Can ya see that little titchy place reet there where me pen's pointing?"
"Mombongo! Ya found it Bel, ya really have found me lickle island this time! I towd ya me island's name were Mombongo!"
W h o o s h!
"Aye well, that's the prob .... Come back here and sit ya dehn. I've not done yet! It's nor'an island ya daft sod. It's reet in't middle of the bluddy Democratic Republic of the Congo in Africa, probably in't middle of a bluddy jungle or a rain forest from worra can see, but there's a big Mombongo as well with an airport, but that's not where you'll be from! You'll be from't little 'un."