Re: Jokes for blokes

Doctor to patient: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you're not a hypochondriac."

Re: Jokes for blokes

A young couple had only been married for about two weeks, when the wife complained about a burning sensation in her chest.

She told her husband, who suggested that she goes to the doctor to be examined.

She arranged an appointment and went the following day.

The husband, while at work, received a call from the doctor. "I am sorry to say your wife has acute angina..." announced the GP.

"Yeah, I know," replied the husband. "She's got a nice pair of tits, too!"

Re: Jokes for blokes

"Doctor, doctor, I've got problems with my hearing."

"What are the symptoms?"

"They're those yellow people on TV."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Mr Smith went to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The receptionist said, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the blood samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" asked Mr Smith.

The receptionist replied, "Well, one Mrs Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other for syphilis. However, we cannot tell which is your wife."

Mr Smith exclaimed, "That's terrible! What am I supposed to do now?"

The receptionist answered, "Well, the doctor has come up with a possible solution. He recommends that you drop off your wife in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Why do the police in Dublin travel in threes?

They need one who is able to read, another who can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1,826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues.

Re: Jokes for blokes

An English guy is screwing an Irish girl. The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS, have you?"

"No," he replies.

"Oh thank goodness for that," she responds, "I don't want to get that again."

Re: Jokes for blokes

SMUT ALERT!

A dustman is going along a street emptying the wheelie bins. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, so he has a quick look for it and then knocks on the door. Eventually, a Japanese man answers.

"Harro," he says.

"All right, mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.

"I bin on toiret," replies the Japanese bloke, looking perplexed.

"No, mate. Where's ya dustbin?"

"I dust bin on toiret, I told you," says the Japanese man.

"Mate," says the dustman, "you're misunderstanding me... Where's your wheelie bin?"

"OK, OK," says the Japanese guy, "I wheelie bin having wank."

Re: Jokes for blokes

When a Jehova's Witness dies and gets to heaven, does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he's not in?

Re: Jokes for blokes

Moshe wants to buy a parrot and goes to his local pet shop to see what they have.

The assistant shows him a parrot and explains that this one is really quite special - it can speak most languages. So Moshe decides to test this out.

"Do you speak English?" asks Moshe.
"Yes," replies the parrot.

"Hablas español?" asks Moshe.
"Si," replies the parrot.

"Parlez vous franҫais?" asks Moshe.
"Oui," replies the parrot.

"Sprechen sie deutsch?" asks Moshe.
"Jawohl," replies the parrot.

"Falas portugues?" asks Moshe.
"Sim," replies the parrot.

Moshe pauses for a while, then asks the parrot, "Do you speak Yiddish?"
The parrot shrugs its shoulders and says, "Nu? Vis a nose like dis, vot you tink?"