Blonde woman: What does IDK mean?

Brunette woman: I don't know.

Blonde woman: OMG! No one does.

I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car.
A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life.
It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.

It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
"It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever, safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively, just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front, and all those to the rear.
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver, has so helpful a device.
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it, and get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed.
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages, and my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off.

Can you knot?

I can not.

You can Knot knot?

I can not knot.

Not knot?

Who's there?

Oh,PISS off!

A comedian gets a gig in an old people's home. He tells his first joke and all the old folk fall about laughing. In fact it was so successful, he decides to tell the joke again and again and again. In the end, he tells the same joke 41 times and each time they crease up laughing.

Afterwards, an old lady comes up to him, tears of laughter rolling down her cheeks and she says ' I honestly don't know how you remember them all'.

Nicked... no, borrowed.

No idea if it had been posted before but it had me giggling.