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01-04-2013, 01:25 AM
311

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

"Never mind owd fettler, it kept ya quiet. Yer heart's in't reet place, but ya do get yerself into some terrible mischief, don't ya?"

"I do that Bel. Is there anybody else as daft and as smelly as me?"

"I doubt it. I've told ya before that yer unique! When did ya last pur'a clean pair o' knickers on owd lad? Good Old Stinky's at full bluddy wallop again!"

"Aw Bel! Yer allers asking me hard questions! I never passed any ECGSs so stop purrin me on't spot!"

"Wot does ECGSs stand for owd lad, to your way of thinking I mean?"

"Why Bel! ECGSs! That means Edumacational Certificates for Gerrin Sums, dun't it?"

"No! I presume ya scrubbed yer bath wi' vim after ya gor'all't coal out!"

"Er ..... I'll not be a minute Bel. I've just had a thowt about summat I forgot!"

He scurried out and up the stairs. Bel could hear the taps running then ten minutes later he came scurrying back down again.

"There we go Bel. I've gor'it done now. It must've slipped me mind!"

"Wot mind?"

He decided to change the subject before she thought of a suitable punishment.

"Ya know Bel, I were trying't read a newspaper this morning after I'd read me Beano. The paper lad had pur'it through me door by mistake an'a read summat tharra think might be interesting, burra didn't really understand it!"

"Wot was it?"

"Well! Will ya answer me a question first please?"

"Course I will owd lad. Worisit?"

"Are you a hairy shoulder Bel?"

"Am I a wot?"

"A hairy shoulder! Ya know like ..... I cawn't explain it ..... Somebody as owns bits o' somebody else's stuff!"

She was completely mystified, so she applied Crusty speak again.

"Hang on lad! Let me have a think about wot yer trying't say!"

She muttered "hairy shoulder", "hairy shoulder", to herself several times and then the penny dropped.

She shoved him hard on his back and he dropped off his chair, his eyes widening in fear.

"Ya means a bluddy shareholder ya daft looking bugger! Nor'a sodding hairy shoulder!"

"Oh aye, that's it!"

He got up off the floor and sat back down again.

"Bluddy hairy shoulder indeed! There's only thee round here wi' hairy bluddy shooders! Now worra ya on about!"

"I just wondered wot they did Bel!"

"Well if I were you I'd just keep wondering as it's nowt to do wi't likes o' thee!"

"Okay then, but can ya nor'explain it to me?"

"Si' thi' lad! It'd tek rest o' me bluddy lifetime trying't explain it to ya so as ya'd understand so shurrup about shareholders."

"Burra want to know!"

"I don't know why ya keep moiderin' about things ya know nowt about! Yer only a bluddy owd hairy arsed pigmy when all's said and done!"

"I know, burram just trying't edumacate meself Bel!"

"Well make a start by speaking properly then!"

"I thowt I did! Ya don't want me't go for elomocution lessons do ya Bel only I don't think I'd be much good at that?"

"Yer reet theer owd fettler! I had elomo .... elocution lessons when I were younger, but ya wouldn't know sometimes. I have't talk broad wi' you around!"

"But wot do they do Bel, them shareholders I mean?"

"Let's pur'it this way owd lad. Ya have to spend a lorra money to be a shareholder in summat and ya know yer as tight as bluddy cramp where money's concerned!"

"Oh reet, ta Bel! Well I know ...........!"

"I don't care a fiddler's fart!! Yer allers saying 'I know'. You don't know Jack Sh!t!"

"Fiddler's fart? Jack Sh!t Bel? Cawn't say as I've ever met him Bel so yer reet theer. Is thar'is proper born name? Does he work for ya? If I'd a name like Jack Sh!t I'd change it to summat else!"

"Such as?"

"Such as wot the lads used't call me when we were in't group. It were a better name than Jack Sh!t. We all had extra names Bel!"

"Well I know there's Alfred the Geek, Billy the Bonker and Frankie the Fingers so wot did they call you?"

"Am not telling ya Bel!"

"Tell me this instance!"

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and whispered quietly, wishing he'd kept his trap shut.

"Crusty the Crapper!"

"Speyk up! I cawn't hear ya!"

"Crusty the Crapper!"

"I still cawn't hear ya!"

"They called me Crusty the Crapper, Bel! Can ya hear me now?"

She sat back in her chair smirking her head off.

"Well there's no surprise there then!"

"Anyway Bel. When ya came earlier ya said that ya'd come for a lickle chat wi' me. Wot was it ya wanted to talk to me about?"

"It'll keep for another day owd lad. It'll keep!"

"No! Tell me. I want to know wor'it were!"

"I'll tell ya tomorrer, now shurrup!"

"Reet Bel!"


© Mollie M
17.03.04
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17-04-2013, 03:03 AM
312

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

144

Crusty Shows His Bel His Balls
(and Has Her Climbing Up The Walls!)



Bel left Crusty in his living room at 9.30 that evening and drove home for some peace and quiet. While she was relaxing with a cup of tea at her side, her little sausage dog was stretched out on her ample thighs while Bel gave him a belly rub.

There were very few people who had seen such a gentle side to Bel, but it did exist. She didn't suffer fools easily, but she had a little more tolerance with dumb animals like Palethorpe and Crusty! She’d named her little sausage dog Palethorpe after Palethorpe’s pork sausages from the sixties, and it seemed to suit him perfectly.

"You know something Palethorpe? I don't know of anybody that gets into the situations Crusty's always finding himself in! The things he's got up to over the years I've known him, I could write a bloody book. In fact, that's not a bad idea at that!"

"Woof!"

The dog looked up at her fondly with his big soft brown eyes and his tongue dangled out.

A familiar sight!

"You’re not a lot different you know lad, you and your Uncle Crusty ......!"

"Eh? Ya wo'? Hmmph! Grrrr!"

"...... except to say that you're not as daft as him and your feet and arse end don't stink as much!"

"Oh! That's okay then! Uncle Crusty! Where? Woof!"

"He's not here lad. You know, I'd take him to Blackpool to stay over for Christmas but he'd only get into more bloody trouble. I don't know! I'll have to have a good think about it. I've taken him to hotels and motels. We've been in an old covered wagon and a caravan but he still gets into bother. I'll have to think about pitching a tent in a field in the middle of bloody nowhere. Mind you, knowing him, he'd get chased by a bloody bull! That's the only way I'll get a peaceful break with him, or I could hire a rocket and have a week on Mars!”

"Woof, woof! Can I come please?"

"Good boy! Yes, of course. You could come too couldn't you! I get more sense out of you Palethorpe than I do out of Crusty! In fact, I can have a more intelligent conversation with you!"

"Woof, woof, yip! I've got more brains!"

"You’re right there lad. You have got more brains than Crusty! Well lad! It'll soon be Christmas again and I’ve got a lot of work to do between now and then so I think we'd best get to bed! It's turned twelve and I’m really tired tonight. Ha! I wonder why!"

She picked the little dog up gently and kissed him on the top of his head, and in return he slobbered all over her face with his long wet tongue.

"Night, night Palethorpe. Good boy! See you in the morning!"

"Woof, yip!"

She had a quick shower and cleaned her false teeth then got into her king size specially reinforced bed and drew the duvet up to her neck, closed her eyes and within a few moments she was snoring gently.

After three hours had elapsed she was in a deep sleep and was having a disjointed dream in monochrome about Crusty. He was running around on all fours in a pig- pen, snorting along with several black and white pigs. There were some black and white marmosets scampering around on the pen gate and a skunk strutted around with its tail up. Crusty reared up on his back legs and put his head over the swill bin and started sucking the pig food out with long slurps, snorts and piggy squeals and the "other pigs" were trying to tup him away. Then her dream changed to something far more pleasant in colour and a smile crossed her face in sleep.

Drrrrring, drrrrring!

Drrrrring, drrrrring!


The shrillness of the telephone on her landing shocked her into wakefulness and for just a moment she didn't know where she was, or what day it was.

"Who's that, what's up, where am I? What day is it? Oh, it's Saturday!"

She looked at her bedside clock and saw that it read twenty past three.

"What the bloody hell! I hope this isn't bad news!"

After three attempts she managed to roll out of bed and fearfully went to answer the phone. Nobody's phone rings at that hour unless somebody had been in an accident or had died. Or, one of her warehouses had been robbed again! She smacked her gums for a second and put her teeth in so that she could speak properly then picked up the phone.

"Hello! Crustabel Leekey speaking."

"Good morrow oh beauteous Bel! 'Tis the Crusty a-caaaalling ya from his lickle telephone in his lickle hallway! Seasoning's Greetings!"

"Seasoning's Gree ......... I'll bluddy-well season thee in a minute! I'll shove some black pepper up yer arse and pour salt down yer gullet if ya don't ger'off this line RIGHT NOW! Worra ya doing up at this time of a morning? Hast sh!tten in bed?"

SLAM!!

"That's it! I'll bloody kill him tomorrow!"

She unplugged the phone from the wall and got back to sleep for what was the rest of the night.

She was so busy at work, what with Christmas just around the corner, that she never gave him another thought until that following weekend when it dawned on her that since she'd slammed the phone down on him he hadn't rung once.

"Come to think of it, nobody's rung me since then. I wonder if I've broken the phone again!"

She went into her hall and lifted the handset. Nothing! Then the penny dropped. She'd unplugged it from the wall on the landing when Crusty had rung her in the early hours of Saturday morning and, because she'd been so angry, she'd gone round the house and unplugged the other three as well just to be on the safe side and had only used her mobile since.

She tutted and bent down to plug it back in again and it whirred into life clicking and bleeping, then she went to the other rooms where there were phones and reinstated her system. Downstairs she checked her answering machine which, on the night in question, she'd forgotten to set to ON and only remembered about the evening after.

She listened to her messages. There were several unimportant ones left by people trying to sell insurance and the like, one from Cassandra about a forthcoming event at The Cat and the Canary, but the first one was from Crusty.

She listened to yet another pathetic message.

"Hiya Bel. It's your Crusty a-caaaalling! Am sorry I phoned ya t'other neet. I didn't realise it were so early in a morning. Wor'ad 'appened was tharrad farted in bed an'a knew I were goin't follow through so I went to't lavvy for a quick crap and that's wot woke me up. Ya sounded proper tired owd lass ....."

"Hmmph! I wonder why?"

...... an'a know I must've woke y'up. Am proper sorry. When I gets a thowt in me yed I've got to get rid of it quick 'cos ya towd me tharra shouldn't waste me brain cell, so I wanted't let ya know before I forgot, burrave forgotten wor'it was now tharra wanted ya for in't first place! Any road up, I've had another thowt since so am ringing't ask ya if ya'll ........"
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17-04-2013, 03:06 AM
313

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

Beeeeeeeeep!

That was the end of the message time.

She tutted.

Just as she was in mid-tut the phone rang, making her jump. She looked at the number on the display panel and rolled up her eyes.

It was him!

She let it ring once more then picked up.

"Hello! This is Crustabel Leekey speaking from my rather large hall in my enormous house and she's still BLUDDY ANGRY WI' YA!"

Cringe!

"Hiya! Did ya get me message tharra left special for ya Bel?"

"I only got part of it 'cos ya were babbling on about havin' a fart and goin' to't lavvy for a crap and all sorts of other bluddy rubbish! So! Wot were it ya wanted't ask me this time?"

"Well I were wondering if ya'd come over sometime soon and help me hang me balls up!"

She started tittering silently, eyes watering up then she straightened her face again.

"With the very greatest of pleasure, ya smelly owd pigmy! Wot colour are they?"

"I've getten some lovely balls Bel. I just know yer goin't love 'em when I show 'em ya! I've getten pretty red and purple ‘uns! See ya later then?"

"Alright owd lad. I'll come over this afternoon."

"Great! I knew ya'd say that and yer in a good mood really, aren't ya Bel?"

"Yes lad. Ya've caught me at a good moment!"

"See! I must be .... wot's it's name .... pathetic then, mustn't I?"

"Yis lad, summat like that! We've had this conversation before, or summat like it!"

"Ta Bel!"

That afternoon Bel rapped smartly on Crusty's front door which he opened immediately.

"Hiya Bel. Come in. I've getten me balls ready for ya!"

She closed her eyes tight for a second stifling a giggle then entered.

"Wot's that bluddy rubbish ya've gor'on yer record player this time? It's bluddy painful thar'is!"

"You never like any o' my records! It's me Des O'Connor Christmas Album Bel, burrall tek it off if yer not so struck!"

He switched the machine off and tuned in the Macaroni instead which was playing music more acceptable to Bel's sensitive ears.

"Go and put yer kettle on and make me a brew before we start lad."

Crusty cooked a brew for them and when they'd finished Bel produced a hammer and some nails from a carrier bag. Crusty was so disappointed as he'd thought there was food in there but she'd come without today.

"Worra ya doin' with an 'ommer and some nails Bel?"

"I've come prepared to help ya hang yer balls up owd lad. Where d'ya want me't nail ya this time? Go and tek Good Owd Stinky off so as I can ger'at 'em!"

His face changed as he remembered her nailing him to his kitchen door through dear old beigey several years before, and his eyes bobbed out in abject horror.

"I didn't mean them balls Bel. I meant me Crisp Mus balls, not me crusticles!"

"Balls is balls to me. It dun't matter wot month it is!"

"No Bel! I didn't mean me crusticles. I meant me Crisp Mus tree decorations!"

"How many times have I told you to be more specific when yer asking for summat?"

"About twenty zillion times Bel burra thowt ya'd know worra meant! I say Bel! I've not gor’a fairy."

"Thy're a bluddy fairy!"

He suddenly started tittering.

"I've just had a thowt."

"Heaven preserve us!"

"You're a Fairy fairy aren't ya?"

"Shuttit! Anyway, I never know wot you mean as ya talk a load o' bluddy rubbish most o't time. Reet then! Let's ger'on wi' it! Where's yer tree?"

"Tree? Wot tree Bel?"

"Yer Christmas tree! Where's yer Christmas tree that ya want decorating?"

"That's a good poink Bel. Where d'ya ger'em from?"

"Do you mean to tell me I've driven all this way in't snow and ice to help ya decorate a bluddy tree ya've nor'even got?"

"That's about the size of it Bel. I don't really want a tree though as they cost too much and they make a mess, so is there anywhere else we can dangle me balls?"

Oh dear!

She made a move as if to turn away from him, then swung back with a mighty fist striking a glancing blow to his chin, dropping him to the floor. While he was crumpled up in a daze she went to a drawer which she knew contained a piece of old rope, some string and some gaffe tape.

She stuck a piece of the tape over his mouth and with the rope she tied him to a kitchen chair where he sat, one eye bulging and the other tight shut, while she threaded the Christmas decorations onto the string. Carefully she draped them around him and looped one over each of his ears to look like earrings, Vera Duckworth fashion. Then she placed two odd-shaped red balls at the front between his legs neatly side by side.

"Reet! I'll be back in twenty minutes so don't move!"

He couldn't move.

She put her coat on and went out to her car, then nipped into the village to buy something else to complete the picture. When she got back he was lying on his side on the floor where he'd tried to escape by rocking along, so she lifted the chair back up into position, without saying anything to him. He watched her as she opened the packages. She took out a nice set of Christmas lights which she also draped round his head, neck, shoulders, and down his front then lit them with the integral battery, lighting him up prettily.

She took a Santa hat out of a carrier bag and, with a black marker pen, she wrote something on the white fur trim, then pulled it down over Crusty's head. Finally, she placed a big card around his neck with something else written on and lastly, she dragged the chair with him still tied to it out into the street and deposited him on the pavement much to the amusement of his neighbours.

Miss Persimmon came out to find out what was happening and started tittering into her hanky when she read what Bel had written on Crusty's hat. Passers-by also stopped and soon he had a little circle around him, all laughing their heads off. Tears were freely flowing down Crusty's little cheeks now, almost turning to ice as it was so cold. This was the kind of attention he really didn't want. A couple of kids came up to him and started prodding at him and they were chattering excitedly to each other.
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17-04-2013, 03:10 AM
314

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

On the hat she'd written "OWD SCROOGE" and the placard around his neck read:

HE WANTED SOMEWHERE TO HANG HIS BALLS
AND HE IS NONE THE WISER
HE WOULDN'T FORK OUT FOR A CRISP MUS TREE
THE TIGHT OWD TURDY MISER


The kids started tittering after they'd read the poster and nudged each other giggling.

"Is it reet that mister? Are ya a tight owd turdy miser?"

"Mmmmmph!"

One of the kids removed the tape from his mouth.

"Wot were ya trying't say owd fettler?"

"Bugger off ya lickle sod or I'll gi' thi' a pelt!"

The other child, who was the bigger of the two, squared up to Crusty and stuck his face into Crusty's menacingly.

"Go on then, y'owd turd. Let's see ya!"

With that, Bel stepped in and unceremoniously dragged Crusty back into his house, laughter still ringing in his ears.

"Worrava bin punished for this time Bel? I've done nowt wrong. Let me loose out o' this rope will ya please?"

She took her Swiss Army knife out of her pocket and cut him free, winding the Christmas tree lights up again. It took him a while, but he finally managed to extricate himself from the tree decorations as well, then the hat and placard, both of which he read.

"Aw Bel. Ya've gone and shown me up good and proper in front of me neighbours. I'll never be able't live this down!"

"That's a sample of wor'it feels like to be shown up in public. I'm off wom!"

Sulk!

"Sorry Bel!"

"Crusty! Ya know that film The Incredible Hulk?"

"Yis Bel. Wor'about it?"

"Well you're The Incredible Sulk! Yer allers bluddy sulking wi' yer bottom lip hanging down on yer boots!"

"I know, burra were already catching a cold and you dragged me outside in't snow wi' no OBJ on, no owd black jacket and no boots! I were blue wi' cowd out there Bel and me nose has started running now. Will ya tek me to't shops for some stuff?"

"Yeh, I suppose so. I'll tek ya to't shops, but you can ask for wor'ever it is ya wants and YOU'LL BLUDDY WELL PAY FOR IT AS WEEL!"

Using the tongs from his fireside companion set she took him his OBJ and owd black jacket, then kicked his boots over to him, and once again she drove into the village and Crusty made the Chemist his first stop. Word went round quickly and by the time Crusty entered, the shop was empty.

"Worra ya gerrin in here then?"

"Some stuff for me cowd!"

They went up to the counter and a young lady sales assistant came up to him smiling. She was new in the area!

"Yes sir? What can I get for you?"

Crusty scanned the shelves and sniffled.

"I need summat for a cowd lass. I know woritis worra want! I've seen it on't telly! I needs a bockle o' Neet Nuss an' a packet o' Lem P!ss!"

Bel's face reddened with embarrassment and the young girl glared at him with a look that would shatter glass.

"I beg your pardon sir. What is it you want?"

"A bockle o' Neet Nuss an' a packet o' Lem P!ss!"

Bel stepped in then, shoving Crusty to one side.

"I'm sorry luv. He's nor'all there! Ya know worra mean? Wor'e wants is a bottle of Night Nurse and a packet of Lem Sip! He always gets words the wrong way round so ya'll have't excuse him. He's nor’a full shillin' ya see?"

"Oh! Right you are. I'll get the things for you."

She bustled off and got the things he'd asked for then put them into paper bags.

"There you go sir. That's seven pounds ninety eight please!"

"How much? Bel, Bel, help me Bel! They're trying't rob a poor owd mon!"

"Get yer hand in yer pocket ya tight owd tur .... sod!"

"Burrave not got that kind o' money on me. I never carry a lot o' money round wi' me in case I gets tackled to't ground for me brass!"

"I'll tackle ya to't bluddy ground if ya don't pay the young lady!"

Shudder!

"Okay! I think I can manage't scrape enough up!"

He laboriously counted his coppers out in front of him and he was two pence short.

"Bel?"

"Wot?"

"Can ya borrer me tuppence Bel, only am a bit short o' cash?"

"Wot ya means is, can ya lend me tuppence Bel, not borrow?"

"How canna borrow ya tuppence Bel when I've just asked if I can have a lend off ya?"

She rolled up her eyes and tutted. It wasn't worth giving him a quick lesson in English grammar right now.

"Aye I suppose so. Yer a bit short o' bluddy brain as well, but we've already covered that, haven't we?"

"Can ya borrer me a pound as well 'cos I have't ger’a Ducky Lip for't Lottery!"

"LUCKY DIP y'owd crate egg!"

"Oh aye! D'ya suppose we can ger’a takeaway and tek it back to my house for our tea Bel? I fancy some stuff from that KFC place again! Oh! Ya was goin' home wasn't ya?"

She glared at him for ages.

"Wot the hell d'ya want that for? It were okay the first time we went, but the last time we had summat from there we didn't enjoy it, d'ya not remember? D'ya not remember me saying that KFC was short for Kawn't Find't Chicken?"

"Oh aye, that's reet. Well then! Wor'about a chippy dinner again then?"

"No chance! I'm not sitting in't same STREET as thee once ya've etten a pile o' mushy peys. Ya'll only start farting again!"

"I suppose yer reet there Bel."

She dropped him off at his front door, then thought better of it and cut the engine.

"Worra ya doing Bel? I thowt ya was goin' wom!"

"I were, burra want to talk to ya about summat!"
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17-04-2013, 03:13 AM
315

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

"Oh aye, that's reet. Is it the same thing ya wanted't say last week but ya ended up cleaning all me soot up?"

"Yis lad, it is!"

"Its nor'another punishment is it Bel?"

"No lad. Don't start panicking or ya'll start stinkin't place out again!"

She plonked him in his chair in the living room and sat opposite him on the settee.

"Reet! Ya remember telling me that Mambo were still alive?"

"Yis Bel an' her's about eighty I think now!"

"Well I went to see her last Thursday afternoon after I'd dropped you off an'a had a nice little chat wi' her!"

Crusty beamed happily.

"Ya never did! So she were in for once then? Good on ya Bel. Mind you, its funny her didn't drive ya daft 'cos her's as deef as a post an' her's allers saying eh!"

"Er ..... yes lad I did notice!"

"Did ya talk about me Bel? Did she say when she wanted to see me again? I really miss her 'cos her's allers off on jaunts!"

Bel bit her lip again, not knowing how to tell him, or whether she should. She didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"Well she is a very old lady now Crusty and you do have a habit of wearing people out. I don't really think she can cope with ya now owd lad!"

Sulk!

"So wot yer saying is Bel that she doesn't want to see me anymore? Me own mam?"

"Er ..... no lad ..... sorry!"

His eyes were trickling with tears again and Bel felt awful, but there was no point in hiding the truth from him and she'd been as gentle as she could.

"I'll tell ya worrall do Crusty. I'm going seeing her again sometime after Christmas so, if ya've gor’a message, I can tell her wor'itis. Ya could buy her a nice little present for me't tek and ya could send a Christmas card to her as well!"

"Ta Bel, bur'it's not the same. Still, it's better than nowt so I'll do that, ta Bel!"

She could see he was going into a state of depression again so she decided to bite the bullet and made a suggestion.

"Come on owd lad. It's not the end of the world. Go and put one of yer records on and I'll sit and listen to it with ya, wor'ever it is. Off ya pop!"

"Really? Are ya sure? Oh thank you so much Bel. I gor’a new owd 'un in't Charity Shop t'other day an'ave not played it yet so I'll go and put thar'on!"

He galloped over to his ancient record player and pulled out his new old LP and, placing it reverently on the turntable, he put the needle carefully on the edge.

The old-fashioned music started and Bel's hair stood up on end.

"Wot the ..... Who are these singing Crusty? It sounds very old to me this one. One of your oldest I should think!" said she, eyes rolling.

"It's me Flanders and Swan LP Bel. I used't love watching these on't telly a few year back!"

"A few years back? It's more than a few years owd lad. More like fifty odd years!"

"Yeh, ya could be right owd lass. It's amazing how time flies! I loves this song though. It's about an imposter!"

"A bluddy HIPPOPOTAMUS. It's called Song of the Hippo-bluddy-potamus!"

"Aye that's reet. Yer reet again as usual!"

Then he made the mistake of singing to it.

Mud, mud, glorious mud
Nothing quite like it for cooling the blud
So follow me follow
Down to the hollow
And there I can wallow
In GLO ......... RIOUS mud


Bel poked him in the eye making it water up.

"Ouch! Wot did ya do that for Bel?" he wailed, covering his eye up.

"Er ..... excuse me owd lad. I said I'd listen to't record, burra don't want to have't listen to thee singing along wi' it!"

"Oh aye! Sorry Bel!"

She gritted her teeth and sat through both sides of the LP while Crusty sat with a satisfied smile on his face. He was actually enjoying it, although he did sneeze a few times and snuffled into his big box of Man Size Hankies. Finally and at long last, the last song played on the LP and Crusty took the needle off then lovingly replaced the record in its sleeve.

Bel breathed a big sigh of relief.

"Neh! That's worra calls music! I really enjoyed that!"

"Thy would! Reet lad! I can't say as I'm sorry it's finished, but ya don't look so good so why don't ya ger'an early night while ya've gor’a cold!"

"Yer reet as usual Bel. I think I'll go up the old apples and pears to bed and take a Lem P!ss an' a shot o' that Neet Nuss. Thackle do the trick!"

"Yer not taking 'em both! Ya can tek one or t'other otherwise ya'll be thinking't boggarts are after ya! Give 'em me here. I'll go and make yer Lem Sip for ya, an'am takin' yer Night Nurse home wi' me so ya can't sneak a capful during't neet!"

"Burra paid a lorra money for that!"

"Stop yer whingeing! I'll fetch it back tomorrer and see how yer doing, but ya can't take Night Nurse on't top o' Lem Sip owd lad. Ya mustn't mix things like that."

"Okay then, ta Bel. Wot's a boggart? Is it owt like a mogwump?"

Ignoring him she made him his hot lemony drink and sat with him until he'd finished it then got up and put her coat on.

"Reet lad, I'll be off then now. I'll come and see ya tomorrer and see if we can clear that cold up before Christmas. Now get yerself to bed!"

"Okay! Ta Bel. Neet, neet!"

"Neet, neet owd lad!"

He heard the door shut behind her.

"Wot's a boggart?"


© Mollie M
24.03.04
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Mollie
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Wigan in Lancashire
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 5,631
Mollie is female  Mollie has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
19-05-2013, 01:17 AM
316

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

Thanks Marian. There's only you reading these now, so I'll put Chapter 145 on for you again soon.

Sorry lass, but I need some sort of feed-back on here, otherwise I feel like I'm wasting my time, and effort. It's like me giving you feed-back on your blips, but if you don't reply on here, folk will think I'm just posting for the fun of it, even though I know you've read my stories.
 
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