02-07-2017, 06:47 PM
191
Re: Jokes for blokes
John finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke……………..
“Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.”
John got a horrified look on his face.
She said ”Darling, what’s wrong?”
He replied, “For a minute there, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”
“Ex-wife!” she screamed, “YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”
John replied: “I wasn’t.”
03-07-2017, 05:14 PM
194
Re: Jokes for blokes
My wife staggered home really late last night, she looked really rough and stunk of booze. I said "And what time do you call this?" She said "I didn't have any money to get home, So I had to have sex with the train driver"I said "What?, and it's took you until now!?"
She replied "Well, I had just finished, but then the ticket inspector got on"
03-07-2017, 05:15 PM
195
Re: Jokes for blokes
Originally Posted by Judd
->
I got pulled over by a female police officer this morning. When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said..."NOTHING!"
03-07-2017, 05:16 PM
196
Re: Jokes for blokes
I met an older woman at a bar last night.She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and flirted for a bit, then she asked "Have you ever had a mother and daughter threesome?"I said "No I haven't"
she said "well, tonight's your lucky night"
We went back to her place, She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs "Mum, you still awake?"
04-07-2017, 12:16 AM
198
Re: Jokes for blokes
Ugly George went into his local smiling from head to toe.The barman asked "Crikey George, you look happy. What happened?"
George said "well, you know I live down by the railway track?"
"Yeah" said the barman
"Well" said George, "Last night I came across a woman tied down on the tracks like the old black and white movies. So, I untied her, took her home and to cut a long story short we made love everywhere. In the kitchen, on the stairs, in the bathroom, in the garden and in the bedroom"
"Lucky old you, George" said the barman. "Was she attractive?"
"I don't know," said George. "I never found her head"
04-07-2017, 11:17 AM
200
Re: Jokes for blokes
A tourist goes into a restaurant in Madrid and sees a dish called 'cajones' on the menu. The man asks the waiter what a 'cojone' is, to which the waiter replies that they are the testicles of a fighting bull that has died in the arena.The man looks a bit squeamish at this news, but decides to give them a try. he orders them and finds that they taste really good.
Next day he returns to the restaurant and, again, orders cajones. However, when they arrive he find the cajones are the size of small walnuts, not the huge juicy testicles he had yesterday. Nevertheless, he tucks in.
Afterwards, he mentions the smaller size to the waiter and asks him what sort of bull had these?
"The bull didn't have those," replied the waiter. "The bull doesn't always lose."
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