So unhappy and alone

Hello, I just joined after finishing sobbing...again and in sheer desperation.

Probably going to ramble as can hardly think straight.
I'm 56 and going through a divorce after 27 years of marriage. I want the divorce...husband is very mentally abusive and has been for years. I didn't expect the many emotions of going through this..including feeling sorry for him. I know I'm doing the right thing though. Plus he still has stuff in the house and keeps coming back even though I ask ask him to move them. I get angry and upset looking at him.

I am so sad and feel so alone it's terrible, I live alone now, I rent this house and am so afraid and feel like a complete failure. I am not trained to do anything and think I'll end up under a bridge. Have a depressive disorder since A teenager and I can look back and see how the years have gone by just trying to stay or get well, always a battle.

I have a daughter but she is married and even though I know she loves me the fear and loneliness are overwhelming. I have no friends, my choice as I just find anything too much.

I haven't slept well in over 7 years, have to sleep with the light in and wake up shaking during the night.

When you're in an abusive marriage you can feel so alone so the upset and crying has been going on a long time. I have no other family.

I just don't know what to do, I want a life and friends but I'm scared and feel dumb...they won't like me. I feel such a failure and cry so much. I've stopped exercising which I love to do, I just want to lie down.

I am so frightened, no confidence..what will happen to me. I received a small inheritance from my mother which allowed.me file.for divorce and rent this house by myself but how the heck do i become self sufficient, this money won't last long.

Honestly it's all so painful I often wish I was not here. I know changing to another anti depressant is not the answer. The problem is me and fear of well....life. I really try to tell myself to think positive but then the fear and hurt creep back.

Thank you for listening xx

Re: So unhappy and alone

How brave of you to write .
You need help and pronto .
Step one go to doctors and get some help for the depression whatever you have now is not working .
Changing might not be the answer but it might.
Getting a good nights sleep is essential tell the doctor about this.
Two put all exhusbands stuff in a cardboard box by the door/garden shed or somewhere out of sight.
Go to job centre and register .
This will get you out .
Take any job you can what did you do prior to marriage ?
In fact don't stay in go to look library and read the papers it's warm and you can peruse the situations vacant .
Be gentle with yourself when you feel stronger you can volunteer somewhere
Something that gives some structure to you life .
Take little steps change is traumatic but you obviously need it else you would not have instigated the divorce .

Re: So unhappy and alone

The advice from Muddy is good, so go and tell your doctor exactly what you have told us.
The people on here are very friendly and will offer support, but you sound so down that I think a little medical help is necessary.
You write well so I think you could get a job, because you appear to be intelligent, but what you need most is somebody to cheer you up. I hope we can do that on here, so why not offer some opinions by posting on the threads that you find interesting.There are many ladies, on here, that live alone but we all manage to find threads that interest or amuse us... give it a try.

Re: So unhappy and alone

Hello Stowkat, firstly welcome to our forum.
I'm so sorry to hear about your married life and as the others say, please go and see your GP. Maybe you should join a club and get out a bit more.
Keep on chatting to us we will always listen to you.

Re: So unhappy and alone

I would follow what muddy said to a t. Also if there is a coffee shop near you why don't you go there every morning to get yourself out. Go in there and read your paper. People will start to recognise you if you keep going in. They will be a familiar and friendly face. However your antidepressants are not working so you need a change

Re: So unhappy and alone

Hi Snowkat. You do need medical help. Make an appointment to see your doctor - you are seriously depressed.
If you have difficulty talking to your doctor you should write to him what you've written here and post it to him prior to an appointment.

Here in the UK we have an organisation called MIND that have drop in centres where you're able to chat to others in the same situation. Your doctor would know if there was anything similar near you. Also I think counselling would be good for you.

Hang on to the thought that you are not the only one who feels like this. Help is out there if you seek it.

Keep talking to us also - you will always find a sympathetic ear here. (((Hug)))

Re: So unhappy and alone

Hi Snowkat, some great advice here.

So sorry to read of your situation. You obviously have the internet, so how about searching for other forums, in particular for other people in your situation? Either going through divorce/separation, or even depression, to ask how they cope, or for what to do.

See if there are support groups where you live. Maybe other American members can guide you on what is available in your country.

You've made the first move, joining this forum, so next stop...the doctor.

Good luck.

Re: So unhappy and alone

Hi Kat firstly, all the emotions you are experiencing are entirely normal. You are going through a kind of bereavement, not for the death of a person but for your relationship and your belief in the kind of person you thought you had married.

Don't be frightened you should soon adjust to being alone and each step you take in your state of independence will give you confidence and make you stronger .

Is there a support group for divorcees in your area, I would look and see.

Posting on here will provide you with a level of support so don't feel 'dumb' just think of us as new friends and post away

Re: So unhappy and alone

My own view point is some anti depressant medication can actually make things worse by coming addicted to them. A DR may prescribe a different type but then your pumping different drugs into your body.

First of all you have to get out of that mind set of not wanted- not loved- not of use to anyone.
If possible go get a job where you are constantly meeting different people, that will take your mind of what you are worrying about. Join a group and get involved with an activity that you can share with others

As I said to my mind Drs can make things worse not better, social therapy is how I got over depression. Worked for me and may work for you

Re: So unhappy and alone

Dear snow kat , I know how you are feeling , because reading your post was like looking back on myself when I chose to divorce my husband , your words were my words and feelings too exactly . The only way I could express my feelings was saying " my world has turned upside down , but feels the right way up ". But I was terrified and very much alone . Firstly a visit to the doctor to help calm your emotions and fears , an anti depressant to help you see more clearly and calm you . One day at a time only , don't look too far into the future , one day at a time . Yes it's scarey but you know it's the only way to find yourself and be free to be you .

Words told to me by a lovely lady doctor when I went to her in desperation feeling just the same

"You are a beautiful plant about to be repotted "

Ps many years on I have found me , I've been successful in life , I have enough money to live on , I've had experiences I would never have had if I'd stayed with my husband , I've lived and I've loved , I still live alone and know life has been better . I would never stay with someone just because I'm afraid to be on my own

You can do it x