Re: Jokes for blokes

At Farnborough there were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement.

Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.

It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, my wife finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Whenever it rains, my wife just stands at the window looking kind of sad.





Maybe I should let her in.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Purchased a deodorant stick today. Instructions say "remove cap & push up bottom" I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely.

Re: Jokes for blokes

...or close the curtains?

Re: Jokes for blokes

A girlfriend told her boyfriend to prove his love for her by getting her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis.

He agreed, and when erect it spelled out her name in full, but when it was limp it just said 'Wy'.

They went away for a holiday in the Caribbean, and while there decided to go on the nudist beach.

There, the husband saw a black guy with 'Wy' on his penis as well.

"You must have a girlfriend called Wendy, too," said the boyfriend.

"No, mine says: 'Welcome to Jamaica man and have a nice day'."

Re: Jokes for blokes

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.

While he was checking the books, he turned to the rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way, "What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah yes," replied the rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls."

"I see," replied the tax man, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all rabbi. "Well rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the left over foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here too, we do not waste," answered the rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Wife says to husband; "You only ever want sex when you're drunk" Husband says;

"That’s not true.... sometimes I want a kebab!"

Re: Jokes for blokes

My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up.

Guess what... She couldn't do either!




Wife said we should try some 'role reversal' in bed..

So I said I had a headache.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Talking to a really old guy he was re living his experiences,
" it was the noise, " he said " the incessant noise, going on all day , you couldn't hear yourself think, let alone the bloke next to you," he went on, " the mud, mud everywhere, in your clothes, your hair, covered in the stuff, you could smell it, you could taste it, you couldn't escape it, men went mad, shouting and gibbering, it was terrible" he said, "well " I said
" you really shouldn't go to Glastonbury at your age"...

Re: Jokes for blokes

Teenagers drink twice as much as they did ten years ago.

To be fair, though, they were only aged between three and nine, ten years ago.