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09-11-2017, 11:54 PM
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Re: Jokes for blokes

How can a woman scare a gynaecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.
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09-11-2017, 11:57 PM
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Re: Jokes for blokes

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb? Two; one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.
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09-11-2017, 11:58 PM
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Re: Jokes for blokes

If vegetarians each vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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10-11-2017, 12:24 AM
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Re: Jokes for blokes

My wife just accidentally hit a cat with her car.

The poor thing was asleep on the couch at the time.
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13-11-2017, 12:17 AM
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Re: Jokes for blokes

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast: bacon, eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Grapefruit with coffee to follow?

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "it's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. A bowl of homemade soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Perhaps a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "it's really taken the edge off my appetite."

Come teatime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the cafe and buy him a burger. Maybe a steak and cheese pie? Pizza? Or a tasty stir-fry, that would only take a couple of minutes?"

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "it's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well," she says, "would you mind getting off me? I'm starving!"
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13-11-2017, 09:15 PM
456

Re: Jokes for blokes

A bus full of nuns collides with a cow and falls of a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Agustin. He says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single line.” The nuns do so.

St. Agustin turns to the first woman in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a p.nis?”

Sister Debora responds: “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta…touched one with the tip of my little finger…”

St. Agustin says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your little finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” And she did so.

St. Agustin now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a p.nis?”

Sister Barbara replies: “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…”

“Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted”. And she did so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to push in front of another! St. Agustin sees this and asks the nun, “Sister Susanne, why you in hurry? There is no rush!”

Sister Susanne responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Barbara sticks her arse in it!”
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13-11-2017, 09:20 PM
457

Re: Jokes for blokes

Thank you Doctor.....
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13-11-2017, 09:33 PM
458

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by doctor View Post
A bus full of nuns collides with a cow and falls of a cliff and they all die.

They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Agustin. He says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single line.” The nuns do so.

St. Agustin turns to the first woman in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a p.nis?”

Sister Debora responds: “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta…touched one with the tip of my little finger…”

St. Agustin says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your little finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” And she did so.

St. Agustin now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a p.nis?”

Sister Barbara replies: “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…”

“Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted”. And she did so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to push in front of another! St. Agustin sees this and asks the nun, “Sister Susanne, why you in hurry? There is no rush!”

Sister Susanne responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Barbara sticks her arse in it!”
Excellent!
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13-11-2017, 10:59 PM
459

Re: Jokes for blokes

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13-11-2017, 11:03 PM
460

Re: Jokes for blokes

Looking at his wife, the bloke said "your face reminds me of the lottery", she said "What? I look like a million pounds?", he said "No, I wish you would just roll over".
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