17-04-2014, 11:54 AM
1
Getting that little bit older.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotard on,
the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her minister she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Tesco car park.
'Tesco car park?' the minister exclaimed.
'Why Tescos?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.
24-04-2014, 09:08 AM
5
Re: Getting that little bit older.
Originally Posted by lilac
->
It's strange when you realise you are getting older..when I was younger I would walk past building sites on jelly legs..wolf whistles..inappropriate comments..And then..nothing...
24-04-2014, 04:20 PM
7
Re: Getting that little bit older.
Originally Posted by lilac
->
It's strange when you realise you are getting older..when I was younger I would walk past building sites on jelly legs..wolf whistles..inappropriate comments..And then..nothing...
But it passed the time on breaks and gave us lads an interest in those long days. Your never to old for a complement Lilac.
24-04-2014, 05:15 PM
8
Re: Getting that little bit older.
Originally Posted by longfellow
->
Ah I remember those days well, when I used to work on site has a C.W. Fitter having me sarnies sitting and whistling at the ladies has the passed by. I was always a gentleman mind, I used to get some would give me the finger. But it passed the time on breaks and gave us lads an interest in those long days. Your never to old for a complement Lilac.
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