new relationships

Ok, I want opinions here please.

I met someone 10 yrs older than me 3 months ago. He is divorced after having a fling he bitterly regretted with a young work colleague. His wife of 30 yrs finished the marriage without delay.

Now, they have no children but obviously after 30 yrs they were close and know each others familys and share friends etc.
He goes to see her for lunch ever couple of months even though she has a new partner she lives with and he knows about these meetings although not very happy I am told.

I have arranged, at his request to change round my week end to stay with him, now he is telling me he forgot he has arranged to meet his ex, and is suggesting I turn up, sit in his apartment and wait until he comes back, he says it is important to him that he meets her??? He has not had any long relationships, he says he is fussy, doesn't want anyone getting too close and that he has only had a max of 4 dates, obviously we have seen each other longer than that and he is very attentive and loving and caring when we are together I'm not sure I feel like he ism putting his ex before me?? comments please??? Thanks

Re: new relationships

It sounds a bit like Princess Diana's relationship. Three not two in it.
I would not be sitting waiting for somebody, while they are out with their ex.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Re: new relationships

Sounds complicated, get yourself a good set of walking boots, if you are over fifty, put these boots on go for a long walk in the country and forget about relationships, leave that to the up and coming whippersnappers, at your age you realy don't need it. Imo.

Re: new relationships

I agree with Roxy. It sounds to me like he wants his cake and eat it, and that perhaps he's hoping to get back with his ex-wife. After 30 years it's hard to break such a bond with or without children.

I wouldn't be happy about him going for a meal every couple of months and I don't blame her new man for not liking it either. It's like he can't let go, and she's keeping him on a leash. It's nice that they have separated amicably, but why aren't you and her new man invited to these lunches?

You should be the most important person right now, so why should you have to re-arrange? Why can't he? What's so important? You're obviously a bit suspicious, otherwise you wouldn't have asked your question.

Of course it's nobody's business but your own lass, but you've asked, and this is my last thought. Do you not think staying over with him just after 3 months is a little soon? Do you live a distance from each other? Get to know him better before you start arranging your life around him.

Re: new relationships

It is of course up to you june, but if I was put in such a situation I'm sure I would be telling him that it is he who should be postponing the visit to his ex. I certainly wouldn't be sitting around waiting for him in such circumstances.

Re: new relationships

P.S, from experience, I have severely enjoyed many things I have bitterly regretted, lust is a provocative temptress

Re: new relationships

Maybe I should add he let her down when she needed support and she has leukemia and I think it might be a guilt thing too.

Re: new relationships

Looks to me like he want's jam on both sides of his bread June, very dodgy, give him a miss, that's only my opinion.

Re: new relationships

My advise is simply, tell him

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZSvpkLNzZQ

He is using you.

Re: new relationships

I feel sorry for you June having this happening after only 3 months of knowing him. Too soon for all the hassle. I too wouldnt wait in his flat
for him. Why cant you go with him on these lunches? Why does he
have to see her all of the time. Makes too many questions and no answers
for me.
As mentioned its up to you June but maybe you need to have other friends
too and not get tied down with this guy who doesnt seem to know what he wants. If his wife is ill then I can understand his concern but they were married not joined at the hip. Hope it turns out well for you but
another friend or two might get you on line for something better.