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12-02-2018, 09:20 PM
591

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by effingpot ->
Chaps! I think I've found it


Ah! I've often wondered where it is.
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14-02-2018, 04:43 PM
592

Re: Jokes for blokes

A man boards a train, takes his seat and closes his eyes for a nap.
As the train starts moving, a woman next to him phones her husband
at home. 'Hi sweetheart, it's Sue,' she says in a loud voice. 'Yes, I know
it's the 6.30 and not the 4.30, but I had a long meeting...No, it wasn't with Kevin from accounts. It was with the boss...No, sweetheart, you're the only man in my life.'
Fifteen minutes later, she is still talking loudly. The man next to her has had enough. He leans towards the woman's mobile and says: 'Sue, you've been on that phone for over a quarter of an hour - hang up and come back to bed,'
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14-02-2018, 06:15 PM
593

Re: Jokes for blokes

Hold on a minute.......They call my wife Sue!....
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14-02-2018, 06:39 PM
594

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by OldGreyFox ->
Hold on a minute.......They call my wife Sue!....
What train does she get?
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14-02-2018, 07:00 PM
595

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Judd ->
A man boards a train, takes his seat and closes his eyes for a nap.
As the train starts moving, a woman next to him phones her husband
at home. 'Hi sweetheart, it's Sue,' she says in a loud voice. 'Yes, I know
it's the 6.30 and not the 4.30, but I had a long meeting...No, it wasn't with Kevin from accounts. It was with the boss...No, sweetheart, you're the only man in my life.'
Fifteen minutes later, she is still talking loudly. The man next to her has had enough. He leans towards the woman's mobile and says: 'Sue, you've been on that phone for over a quarter of an hour - hang up and come back to bed,'


How often have some of us wanted to do something like that?!
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14-02-2018, 09:07 PM
596

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Longdogs ->
What train does she get?
Like I'd tell you, Valentino.....
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14-02-2018, 11:23 PM
597

Re: Jokes for blokes

A man wakes up in hospital after surgery, he has an oxygen mask on, a nurse comes into the room, the nurse hears him say “ are my testicles black?” “ sir”, replies the nurse” I’m just going to give you a wash,” the nurse begins to wash the man, again she hears him say “ are my testicles black” “ I’ve told you sir” says the nurse “ I’m just giving you a wash , “ she hears him again, “ please nurse just a quick look, are my testicles black” the nurse is fed up by now and decides to quieten him, she puts her hand on his penis and begins to rub , after a while the man ejaculates, he removes his oxygen mask, and says, “ that was very nice, but can you tell me...are my test results back?
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15-02-2018, 01:13 AM
598

Re: Jokes for blokes

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15-02-2018, 01:15 AM
599

Re: Jokes for blokes

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
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15-02-2018, 01:27 AM
600

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Judd ->
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
 
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