Re: From my Diary.

Recalling my 1960s' diary.

There was a time when if you wanted a suit you went to Burtons and got measured up. The ladies in here have not had to endure the experience the furtive fumblings of a coy sales assistants thumb holding the end of a tape measure tight into their perineum. I always felt I had to cough. I never understood why doctors ask you to do that.

It reminds me of “Bootsie and Snudge”. Bill Fraser’s character used to cough and say “I’ll be leaving you now” holding his hand out.

Back at Burtons, having measured you thoroughly ,always the question followed “What side does sir dress? “ No idea why they asked as they had only just explored that area. I generally replied nearest the window or surprise me.

The tone was rather like pre vasectomy days when your barber might ask “Anything for the weekend” My uncle Arthur before he left surprised me with a rather risqué anecdote.
Not to be outdone I recalled trying Viagra only to find that I couldn’t swallow the tablet. It stuck in my throat giving me a stiff neck for a week. Canny uncle Arthur revealed a disapproving streak by replying that I should have taken it with more water.
A pinch of salt too possibly

Re: From my Diary.

Ah RJ - you've excelled yerself with your wit my boy

Your story at Burtons reminded me of a scene from a Norman Wisdom film, he was being fitted for a suit and the tailor drew chalk marks down the arms and legs - Norman looking horrified said, 'Ere, whats your game !'
The tailor then proceeded to rip the sleeves off ! So - Norman started tearing into the tailor, ripping his sleeves off .....Fab !

Re: From my Diary.

, Never tried the viagra stuff RJ, don't think I ever will now after that, they sound like horses lozenges, it's not worth choking yourself for is it.
I remember doing a two week stand in for my local publican when he and his wife went off the Scotland for a well deserved holiday, being behind the bar was a big change for me and you see things from a completely different angle, one day when we weren't busy an old chap came in and asked for a pint, I pulled it and when he went to get the money out of his pocket I noticed he had no right arm in the coat, he copped me looking and said "Oh that, lost it in the last war" being the gentleman that I am I told him it was OK, on the house old soldier. The next day another old fella came in and he was missing a left arm and as he fumbled about trying the get the money out I waved my hand and said it was OK, he drank it and left, that afternoon another old chap walks in and he has no arms in his coat "I suppose you lost them in the last war" says I with a twisted grin on my face "No way Mate" says he "I just bought a suit in Burtons" Da Da!

Re: From my Diary.

I'm just laughing here to myself, the wife is lying on the sofa and she calls over asking am I alright, I said yes I'm grand, then whats so funny says she, I didn't tell her, she wouldn't get it anyway.
I was thinking of a horse sucking a lozenge for a sore throat, then I thought how terrible it would for a giraffe to have a sore throat, can you imagine that!

Re: From my Diary.

ha ha Jem,

Re: From my Diary.

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Dear Diary,

LETTERS
Winston Churchill did it & now I am doing it - writing letters and not sending them. It’s not such a pointless exercise as first appears.
Firstly, it’s very satisfying to put your point across in a measured way not always possible in person viz -”I should have said”.
Secondly, it’s very calming and being calm is good for the old digestion. Having something gnawing away at your inside gives you wrinkles, possibly stomach ulcers too.
Thirdly - moving quickly on to my last point, the unsent letter joins the rest of the pile of frozen in time missives to remind you at some future date how good a writer you used to be before email & texting

Re: From my Diary.

Thats a good idea RJ, but you'd think after all Churchill done for his Country they could have at least given him some money for stamps, poor man.
Did you keep a diary when you were a boy?
Some people write in their diary every day and good luck to them. I used to keep a diary but it was stolen in school, fierce slagging ensued but eventually died away after much embarrassment to mein self.
I learned two valuable lessons from that, how to take a slagging and laugh it off, and never to write my personal thoughts on a particular subject in a diary again.

Re: From my Diary.

Jem, I never write about skeletons in the cupboard, good advice from you, as ever.

Re: From my Diary.

.....

Re: From my Diary.

Today,SUB TITLES.

Someone mentioned the inaccuracies perpetrated by the folks producing the sub titles.. I say "produce" because I have no idea whether there is some hapless individual typing furiously what he thinks he's heard and which is then put up on the screen.

OR maybe there exists a machine which picks up speech & then converts the speech into words, automatically on the screen.

In passing I would like to complain about the position of the sub titles, particularly when they are right across the BBC's delightful weather girl, Carol KIrkwood's beautifully formed breasts,` such a tiny waist too


I return to my original muse,concerning sub titles, not strictly the object of discussion here but I have to say that some of the "wrong" words or phrases make me hoot with laughter for all the wrong reasons, but in the real world make unintended satire and beautiful Freudian slips.

I have been virtually deaf for 30 years & the things I mishear oft times are much much more interesting than what has been said.