Re: Jokes for blokes

"It's a boy!" I shouted tears rolling down my face "I don't believe it. A boy!"



Its at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

One day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

Suddenly, a mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted," and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on and Justin found himself being bored and lonely as a shark. All his mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While out swimming alone one day, he saw the mysterious cod again and couldn't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begged the cod to change him back and lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off for Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate, the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way, man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked."

Justin cried back, "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed. I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

Mr Turtle was swimming lazily through the ocean when he saw his old friend Mr Squid. "Hi Squiddy!" he called out, "Long time no see".

"Hello again" said Mr. Squid with a smile "The thing is, I've been poorly. Must have been a dodgy shrimp I've eaten or something. I'm still not a hundred percent now but I thought it best to venture out even though I'm struggling to swim"

"Here, let me help you" said Mr. Turtle. With that, Mr Squid climbed on top of Mr Turtle's shell and off they went. A few miles later, Mr Shark appeared and suddenly flipping Mr Squid off of his back into the open jaws of M Shark, Mr Turtle said "Here you go Mr Shark, here's that sick squid I owe you."

Re: Jokes for blokes

One evening, Dr Watson paid an unexpected call on Holmes.
"Is he expecting you?" asked the housekeeper.
"No," replied Watson, "but I need to speak to him for a minute."
"I don't know what he's up to," said the housekeeper, "but he left very strict instructions not to be disturbed until nine o'clock."
"I'll wait downstairs in the library," replied Watson.

A few minutes later, Watson heard the unmistakable sound of girlish laughter coming from the detective's bedroom, followed by shrieks of excitement from Holmes. As nine o'clock approached, Watson could hardly contain his curiosity.

Finally, Holmes came down the stairs, accompanied by a pretty, dark-haired young girl in a school blazer and check shirt.

As soon as she had left, the good doctor cried out, "Holmes, just what kind of schoolgirl was that?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson."

Re: Jokes for blokes

One day, Watson returned to 221b Baker Street to find Holmes busily painting the front door in bright yellow.

"What on earth is that, Holmes?"

"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."

Re: Jokes for blokes

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.

Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Tony Blair.

They're asking for a £10 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.

We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"

"Most people are giving about a gallon."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

I'm anticipating a bit of anal tomorrow evening.

Unless the jury find me not guilty.

Re: Jokes for blokes

If a man is alone in the forest, and he says something, and there's no woman there to disagree with him...

Is he still wrong?