Couple Of Quickies.

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.

To the lawyer's surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was and greeted him warmly.

Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, "I certainly don't mind all of this attention, but what makes me so special?"

St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"



A small boy got lost at the mall.
He approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my Grandpa.”
The guard asked “What’s his name?”
“Grandpa” the young boy replied.
The guard smiled and then asked “What’s he like?”

The little tyke thought for a moment and then said “Jack Daniels and women with big boobies.”