24-11-2017, 06:02 PM
1
What would you do with...
...a friend who is 63, smokes tobacco, cannabis and drinks half to three quarters a bottle of vodka a day?This is my friend Jamie. He's smoked since about the age of 8 (he grew up in India), has used cannabis nearly as long but the drink is a new thing as he had gone off it for about 8 years.
He used to be a deep-sea-diver and is presently seeking compensation from the Norwegian and Danish authorities for unsafe practises he had to undergo as part of his job. He's obviously retired now and has a good pension.
When I phone him up he's often on a diatribe about politics or something and it can be hard to make sense of him as he's obviously been drinking a lot.
I mentioned the alcohol to him, ie. why did he start again, but he doesn't care about the health implications (of which there could be many, he already has diabetes). I do know that he divorced his wife just so he could claim benefits, and he gets housing benefit on top of his ESA and PIP. He takes great pleasure in getting whatever he can out of the authorities because he hates the system. He still sees his wife around 3 times a week; she does his washing for him.
He was privately educated in the days of corporal punishment and hated every minute of it.
I still like him, though, I don't have a lot of friends but am hesitant about visiting his house because of the smoke for one, but also because I know there is no sense in talking with someone who is drunk (been there myself).
25-11-2017, 09:26 PM
6
Re: What would you do with...
Originally Posted by APRICOT
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People have to live their lives however they see fit. It probably pains you to see how your friend is , but you just have to accept that is what he wants.
Abandoning an alcoholic can lead to guilt and regret, were he to go downhill in your absence. However, everyone has their limit and breaking point. It's a no win situation for you. You probably have to let go of your attachment to your previous friendship though.
25-11-2017, 10:51 PM
7
Re: What would you do with...
Ffosse, your friend needs help. Needs to get booked in/registered with a proper support agency. He's pushing for compensation purely for the money which will obviously be blown very quickly on drugs and drink the moment he gets it. If he's smoking cannabis he will likely be using other drugs too. Spice is very "in" at the moment and send people either catatonic or psychotic. It is dangerous to be around such people.The end game here is 100% predictable. He's already divorced to get benefits which is pretty extreme already ! He's ultimately just going to run out of money, plain and simple.
He will join the cycle of thousands of others who long for benefits pay day, and then blow the entire lot on one big drink drug binge (usually with mates) and then spend the rest of the month desperate for cash.
That leads to borrowing from unscrupulous "underworld" people which itself gets ugly.
His life is done unless he :
1) Admits he has problems
2) Desires to get out of that hole
3) Engages with a support centre to get proper advice
4) Get's some rehab
As a friend you are in danger here. There's the physical danger associated with being with someone on drink/drugs. There's the danger that you might come into contact with his circle of drink/drug "friends" who might strong arm you for money.
The biggest danger is that being a friend, he will see you as a target for money when the desperation sets in. He will plead you for money and promise to pay it back, but likely won't be able to.
Never give money, it just fuels the drink/drugs and makes things worse.
Find a support centre for him, offer to go with him for an assessment.
If he won't engage . . . stay away imo.
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