Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)
131
Bel Bullies Off!
(and A Very Sad Tale!)
Crusty did his bit of shopping and then, as he'd promised Bel, he went home and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening alone, his only company being his beloved Macaroni and the telly. Even though it was a Saturday night, he wasn't in the mood for a pint or chatting with his "mates" at the Club. His house still ponged but not of his own manufacture, for a change! He could still smell that horrible stink from that grungy smoke from earlier on. It was dreadful! He didn't sleep too well that night, but early next morning he was up and at the frying pan again. He cooked a huge breakfast for himself and sat down, then realised he couldn't eat it as the smell made him feel a little nauseous, and he started heaving so, with tears in his eyes, he threw it all into the bin. Despite that, he was really excited about the trip to Spain with his Bel. He'd never been there before and couldn't wait for her to ring to tell him the date of departure. He had to admit though that he wasn't feeling very well today as he kept feeling sick, but he shrugged it off. Nothing was going to stop him going on another jaunt!
It was now Sunday morning and Crusty mooched about the house in the vague hope that Bel would ring him and tell him to get his fat pimply backside over to her house for a Sunday's dinner, but no such call was forthcoming. Because the house still smelled funny having micro-waved his pot noodles the day before, he'd had to keep his windows open. Being mid-November he was frozen stiff so he would have welcomed the chance of going to Bel's if only to keep warm.
"Never mind! I'll ring my Bel instead."
He picked up the phone and dialled the number, but all he got was an engaged tone but, at that same moment, Bel had rung Crusty and the lines crossed, she also getting an engaged tone.
This kept happening so Bel, becoming impatient with him, rang his mobile instead. She'd set a special ring tone for him so that he would know that it was his Bel ringing him and his eyes lit up when he heard the tune.
"Binga banga bongo
I don't wanna leave the Congo
Oh-oh no-no-no-no!"
"Ooh! That's me lickle takeaway telephone an' it's my Bel a-ringing me!"
He opened the phone and was greeted with a pretty coloured picture of a boat sailing by. He stood and admired it, forgetting to speak.
"Crusty! Stop starin' at that bluddy picture and speyk up!"
Oops!
"Sorry Bel. I were forgerrin' for a minute. Worisit ya wants to ask me? I've been trying't ring ya but ya've bin engaged for ages!"
"Have ya lad? It were probably me tryin't ring you! Hang up Crusty and I'll ring ya back on yer landline, okay?"
"Okay Bel. Standing by to take call on me big telephone in me lickle hallway for when ya rings ....."
The mobile went dead.
Drrring, drrring!
Crusty's answering machine kicked in and she had to sit and suffer listening to the pathetic message he'd put on. As soon as it beeped, Bel yelled at him down the phone again.
"Switch that bluddy answering machine off an' pick yer phone up before I start gerrin annoyed wi' ya!"
He picked up.
"Sorry Bel. I'd forgetten I'd left it switched on."
"Reet! I'm ringing to let ya know tharrave booked our holiday to Spain, burra could only ger'it for a four day jaunt. I'll tek ya somewhere for a week another time. I've gor'it cheap because somebody cancelled at the last minute, but we fly tonight owd lad. We've got to be at Manchester Airport by seven o'clock so make sure ya ger’a shower and ya have yer carrier bags packed by't time I call for ya at 4.30. Have ya got that lad?"
"Yis Bel. Have shower, pack carrier bags, collect me at 4.30 for jaunt!"
"Good lad. I'll see ya then!"
"Bel?"
"Wot now?"
"Am feelin' a lickle bit poorly today. I've gor’a bit of an 'eadache an'a feel a bit sick! Will I be okay for later on?"
"Course ya will. Take a yed warch pill wi' a drop o' water and ya'll be okay!"
Wasting no time he whooshed up to his bedroom and started dragging things out of drawers, and smelly drawers out from under the bed, to pack. He'd have preferred a little more warning so that he could have made the effort for once by doing some washing first, but there was no time so he'd have to pack a few scummies to get by with.
They were on the plane by eight, but Crusty wasn't his usual exuberant self. He wasn't bounding about and wasn't jabbering like he normally would have done. He
hadn't even bothered getting his crayons out of his bag as he didn't need them to keep him quiet. Bel put it down to the fact that he was tired from all his zooming around getting ready, and he'd earlier complained of a headache, so she didn't question him about it. On the contrary, she was delighted to be able to sit through a flight in peace and quiet for once!
They were staying in self-catering accommodation and on their first full day there Bel took Crusty out for a bite to eat.
"Wot d'ya fancy for brekkie owd lad? I'm bluddy hungry."
"Just a piece o' toast please Bel. On second thoughts, I'll not bother. Am not very hungry at the moment!"
Her jaw hit the table with a crashing thud.
"Why? Wot's up owd lad? D'ya not feel too good today?"
"No Bel. I don't really feel very well at all. Not since yesterday! I must be sickenin' for summat! Will it be alright if I tek meself off for a walk while ya have yer brekkie? I'll not go too far!"
"Well ..... okay then, but stay within whistling distance. When ya hears me whistle for ya, ya've got to come haring back, okay lad?"
"Okay Bel. By the way! Who's lookin' after Palethorpe for ya?"
"Oh it's alright owd lad. Palethorpe's safe wi' Mrs Shepherd while we're away!"
"Oh! That's alreet then! I'll see ya in a bit!"
He trundled off slowly and Bel watched him as he went.
"He's walking a bit doddery today!" she thought worriedly. "He usually scurries and scuttles and zooms and whooshes along but today he's only shambling. More like a slow lollop! Wor’a bluddy shame! He doesn't look well at all burrall keep me eye on him! Pr'aps this sunshine'll do him a bit o' good!"
Crusty meandered through the twisting little narrow streets, passing an open market which sold food of all types. Normally, he would have stood there eyeing things, drooling and slobbering with his tongue stretched out at full dangle until someone threw him a bit of something, but today he wasn't interested.
He wasn't really watching where he was going and it was a good ten minutes since Bel had whistled for him to return. When he didn't appear within 0.5 of a second she sighed, paid her bill then went looking for him.
She'd stuck her fingers in her cheeks and had blown hard three times with no result.
She hadn't a clue where to start and she couldn't speak Spanish, so she tried her usual mimicry on people to try to find him. Luckily, she was exceptionally good at miming by now and the people understood her, some of them pointing in the direction they'd last seen him.
She carried on walking for another fifteen minutes when suddenly she heard him screaming at the top of his voice.
"Bel, Bel, help me Bel! I've got meself in bother again Bel! Can ya hear me Bel? Your Crusty needs yer help again. Please Bel, hurry up or ickle kill me!"
Eh?
"What'll kill him? What's he gone and done now?"
Fearfully, she started running towards the direction his voice was coming from. She looked like a rugby prop forward who had the ball and was battling to get to the try line. In her rush she knocked a couple of men over, and a fruit and veg stall was demolished, and within a couple of minutes she found herself in some sort of enclosure.
"Bel, Bel, over here Bel! Am here! Yoo-hoo!"
"I'll bluddy yoo-hoo him in a bit!"
She scanned round and spotted him clinging to the top of a fence as white as a sheet then she started to walk toward him, hands on hips.
"Wot the bluddy hell d'ya think yer doing ya daft owd sod? Get down off that ....."
"No time Bel, no time! Ger'out o't road Bel. Hurry up. It's seen ya! Look out!!"