30-12-2012, 08:04 PM
21
Re: When the treatment should stop
Originally Posted by Willow
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My mother suffers from a degree of dementia, so it is up to us to make the final decision for her, taking into account what appear to be her wishes. There is no point in prolonging her life unnecessarily with medication and other medical procedures, as it is obviously a great burden to her. The medics think this is the best course of action too.
30-12-2012, 08:40 PM
22
Re: When the treatment should stop
For Willow.I hope I didn't come across as uncaring of the dilemmas that relatives find themselves in - it wasn't my intention to upset anyone. Many of us do have make thse sorts of decisions on behalf of others, but it is not easy or undertaken lightly . About four years ago my mother had a massive heart attack which came out of the blue and she found herself in hospital for the first time in her life. She was so scared and at one point asked me if she was dying and I found myself saying "no of course not" - which was a lie. We had already been told that the damage was extensive and she was unlikely to recover. One of the hardest things my sister and I have ever had to decide and be responsible for was when she had fallen into unconsciousness and we had to let her go by deciding to withdraw her life support. I hope you can have the time you need with your mum. Best wishes.
30-12-2012, 09:00 PM
23
Re: When the treatment should stop
Mother asked if she was dying, and I have been informed she was told the truth.I haven't seen my Mother since I had a very brief holiday in her neck of the woods in April. But I am given regular updates by my youngest sister who lives over there. She has power of attorney, and is in charge of all my Mother's affairs. Like me, my other two sisters live in the UK. I won't pretend I am close to my mother, I am not. My only wish is she is not in pain and her end is swift and as peaceful as possible.
Exactly six years ago my husband (65) suffered a brain haemorrhage after an aneurysm burst, he very nearly died. I was asked if treatment should stop if he didn't come out of his coma and I agreed, as I had been told he would be brain damaged if he survived. Even though he has made much better progress than could ever have been predicted, it would have been far kinder to him if nature had taken its course. He was a highly intelligent academic, and now he is unable to do anything of an academic nature, which frustrates him terribly. Academia has always been his greatest love. We have to make the best of it, but is isn't easy for either of us. He finds it very hard to accept that me, the family 'thicko', occasionally knows best. I find it hard to relate to a person who isn't the man I married 43 years, and I can't pretend I have the same feelings for him. Still we have wonderful kids who are very supportive and ensure their old Mum doesn't screw up too badly!
31-12-2012, 12:47 PM
27
Re: When the treatment should stop
Originally Posted by Willow
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After consultation with her doctor, and taking our mother's wishes into account, the family has ensured all medication, apart from pain relief, has been withdrawn, and nothing which will extend her life will be done. Palliative care only will be given. We hope she doesn't linger as that would be cruel, and that her death will come swiftly and peacefully.
I think everybody, certainly those over 50, should make an Advanced Health Care Directive sometimes called a Living Will and perhaps even appoint an enduring guardian because once you are non compos mentis it is too late.
At least that way if you are incapacitated your loved ones will not have difficult choices to make on top of coping with your perhaps pending demise.
31-12-2012, 01:04 PM
28
Re: When the treatment should stop
Originally Posted by Bruce
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This is a terrible decision for any family to have to make and you are fortunate that your mother is able to express her wishes.I think everybody, certainly those over 50, should make an Advanced Health Care Directive sometimes called a Living Will and perhaps even appoint an enduring guardian because once you are non compos mentis it is too late.
At least that way if you are incapacitated your loved ones will not have difficult choices to make on top of coping with your perhaps pending demise.
I think advanced directives are a good idea. Not that my mother would ever have contemplated making one when she was in a position to do so!
06-01-2013, 12:17 AM
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Re: When the treatment should stop
Unfortunately dying, or living a life that has lost all meaning, can sometimes take a very long time and be hugely distressing to the person and their family. My lovely mum died of Alzheimers 2 years ago after 5 years of agonising decline. My dad struggled to care for her longer than he was really able, and then she spent the last 2 years in the dementia unit of a care home. He still feels incredibly angry that her last few years were so dreadful. He has recently made a Living Will for himself as he clearly doesn't want the same to happen to him.I was very sad when my mum died, but actually I had shed more tears 4 years previously when I lost the mum I knew.
I certainly believe that it can be far better to cease any medical interventions to prolong life.
06-01-2013, 02:39 PM
30
Re: When the treatment should stop
My mother has kicked dying into touch, and is up and about again and a thousand times more difficult than before!
If she was totally demented then one would realise she couldn't help it, but she certainly can help it to a certain extent. Mother is demanding she goes back to her apartment and has a new car. YEH RIGHT! My baby sister who is at the sharp end of all this nonsense has withdrawn her visits to the care home until mother is in a better frame of mind, and starts behaving herself. If this fails I shall write Mother a letter spelling out her options in no uncertain terms, which she certainly won't like at all, but I am not having her playing silly beggars and upsetting my sister and and the residents of the home.I hope to goodness I am euthanased before I get like that!
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