Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Compare life to life, look up to depress
Look down and see folks who've thrived with less
See, success seems to be linked to wealth
Truth is, success is the ability, to live with yourself.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

The retention geezer at Sky TV managed to talk me into stopping again, it would have been easier to trigger Article 50, than leave Sky TV.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Count yourself lucky Spitto, my wife rang up SANTANDER to cancel a minor account & ended up cancelling our main NATWEST account & opening 2 new SANTANDER accounts , plus a new 3rd savings account..

Good Grief............

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Avast,me hearties...for t'is THE DAY,upon which credit cards tremble in fear,foodstuffs and treats do magical vanishing acts,wrapping paper swaps from being exciting to annoying-and yer akshal Puggy is off to the Thai restraunt for a buffet! YAAAAY...Merry Happies,people!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Amazing the new deals they can come up with at the drop of a hat when one threatens to leave them, makes one wonder exactly how far their war chest will stretch. I say we should all test it to the limit and PARE our payments down to the marrow, force their hand so to speak.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

My credit card never trembles Pug me lad, it's pay as you go therefore shock and tremble proof. I've only got one grump with it, the numbers are in raised silver metallic print, very hard to make them out with light shining on the card, a stupid idea in my opinion.
I hope you enjoyed your meal.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

We had a great Christmas in Killarney, the dinner was perfect and the wine flowed free, well not exactly free but you know what I mean, plenty of music and song and a jolly good time was had by one and all, but still as the old song goes, it’s good to be back home again.
I met an old lad and his wife down there and we got talking, they were from Sligo, I discovered he had been in the same regiment as my brother in the Irish Guards back in the 60’s, small world ain’t it.

Well here we go again, another new year just around the corner and another nail in your coffin as the cheerful say.
I recalled an incident an old friend told me many years ago when we were both young men, he was a lad in the merchant navy at the time, I was telling the wife about it on the long train journey home yesterday, I had forgotten it until a young sailor sat near us, the tale was long and would put that epic ’The Shooting of Dan McGrew’ to shame, but I’ve managed to fit it into a nutshell so you'll get the gist of it, nothing as bad as ladies fighting on the street.

An unpleasant memory of a young Sailor.

There was knicker aggro in Nicaragua as two brassers lunged at each other
Flesh everywhere and so much blood that it really made me shudder
I saw it all as I walked past a Managua cat house on that warm Autumn night
There was skin and hair, and tits in the air, and not a copper in sight
I wanted to help stop it but a stern faced bouncer held me at bay
“Leave ‘em to it lad, they’ll stop when the strongest one wins the day”
I felt sad as I walked on to the hotel I was staying at, it was called the Monkey’s Paw
What a joke, they should have named the whole bleedin place the Arsehole of Fractured Jaw.

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

YOU think THAT'S bad,Jem?!>

Lemme tellyer,sunbeam...in or during intimate moments,such as intimate conversations or a meal for two,please,remember at all times the protocol for merriment is hard-layed and should at all times be observed in favour of any person present at the occasion,who displays a tendency toward x-chromosomic favour. All festive merriment,regardless of it's pure intent,must first be approved by the holder of the predominant X-chromosomes....and if her 'tash begins to twitch in indignation at any point...consider yourself consigned to a somewhat-less-than-favourable status until such time as she may deem you still unworthy of equal status...but permitted to refill her plate/mug/glass/the coal scuttle,etc etc.

Ahhh,what brought this about,m'dear Pug?,I hear you ask....[nice of yer]
Well,I'll tell yous. We were ensconced in our positions at the reserved table-for-two. Already,Herself had quaffed a mead or two,the festive spirit was indeed upon her. I relayed plates of freshly-cooked Thai fare to her,with which she was enchanted...her 1st time eating Thai,y'see. Then,having ensured her appetite was catered for,I placed myself a plate of excellent fare upon the table...and brought chopsticks to the fore,ready to eat.
First mistake. Rather than be amused,impressed or merely disinterested,Yes Dear launched a tirade of demeaning epithets toward my [now wilting] chopsticks,explaining in vehement manner that I looked a fool,that nobody 'eats with two sticks anymore since we invented the fork' [honestly!] and that it was a good job I hadn't chosen soup!!!
[strong stuff,that mead]
Ok...I let that tirade slip it's moorings and float away...the food really is excellent there...and the waitress looking after us was a real treat for the eye. Which is how I sealed my 'fait accompli',turning it from an 'I bet he messes up' possibility,into a 'There-see? Tolja-pay up!' permanence.
Y'see,I was internally humming,with the event,the festives,the meal,the enjoyment-plus the beauty of our waitress....so,when I was offered a kiss by aforementioned waitress,I was delighted to accept. I stood,held the sprig aloft above us...and,proving total prats come in all shapes,sizes and colours,said aloud "Ma'am,allow me to kiss you under the cameltoe".
Yes. Yes,really. No,I did NOT mean it...I wasn't even thinking it.
I have NO idea-on my heartbeat I don't-where that bloody phrase came from,as I was thinking 'Mistletoe'...but...well...it happened,it was said aloud...everyone chuckled - except Yes Dear.
Ok,sleeping on the sofa isn't such a bad thing...but we have a wolf. Yes-a genuine Spanish wolf...his name's 'Woof'. Rescued from the AA Centre. He takes up a LOT of sofa.
Ok-fukkitall-I decide to sleep on the floor...but...Memsahib gets up to go to the loo in pitch dark,treads on me,screams,falls over,punches air wildly,connects with Woof,who promptly bites me....I drive myself to A&E! I've just been bitten by a real wolf,with real wolf fangs,which went through and clamped onto,my hand,ffs. [Yes Dear is caring for poor Woof,as he 'seems stressed'!!] A&E had two nurses on duty....I wait over an hour,go in,get injected,five stitches...and drive home dreaming all the way about my shotgun. Get home at 6.45am.
WOOF,is on the bed. THE OLD BAT,is NEXT FKN DOOR,drinking punch/mulled wine/domestos with about 25 other people,5 of whom I know,regaling them with the hilarious true tale of my POXY Christmas! And y'know what?
I said Fukdalottovem and shared my bed to sleep off the injections/stitches,with Woof.
Merry Fukkin Christmas,my ARSE!
[no wonder JC moved to Egypt!]

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

Sorry for laughing Pug, but I couldn't help it. My deepest commiserations young fella, my God, you have been to hell and back.
Fancy playing Santa in next years over 50’s Christmas panto?…ho ho ho!

Re: Leisurely Scribbles (part 5)

I nearly missed your MISSIVES
must my muses be dismissive
Mumbles my missus

FRankly I fear futility
For fortunes fertility
And furtive fecundity

Hail to her hero
You fear that zero
The fiddler was Nero

Don't you love alliteration
IT's right up my station
An odd situation
Submit your oblation
For the foreseeable situation
A disgrace to the nation


Words are inadequate
Trust me and have a look
It's pure gobbledegook
And even pure doggerel
Omitted from the book
Of words