Join for free
Grimloaf The Damp's Avatar
Grimloaf The Damp
Member
Grimloaf The Damp is offline
Left of Centre Earth
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 53
Grimloaf The Damp is male  Grimloaf The Damp has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
19-11-2009, 07:45 AM
1

Where am I going wrong?

I am not completely socially inept and have been trying to get my self accepted by normal decent folk for years now. I invite myself to parties and am very careful about my attire. My vests are carefully arranged in age order, obviously the oldest vests are the most smelly so they stay at the back of the fridge the newest and therefore cleanest vests stay at the front. I keep my socks and shorts in the vegetable cooler.

Tip number one , keep your clothes in the fridge they last longer and fridges are cheeper than washing machines and not prone to go wrong as often (always leave a little room at the front for food and never put underwear in the freezer box)

Tip number two, never take any notice of the sell by date on socks and underwear take it from me they last a lot longer than stated especially if they do not come into contact with detergent.

I have no control over my flatulence problem, it a a medical condition! I do however appreciate that some people find the frequent breaking of wind socially unacceptable. After years of living with this affliction I have mastered the art of the silent passing and to be honest I find the smell quite pleasant in a toilety sort of way. Before gatecrashing I always eat a couple of jars of mint jelly to soften the smell of my bottom belches.

Anyway back to the party, I make sure I wear my freshest clothes and although I have a soap allergy I have discovered deodorant, it does not mask the smell completely just subtly changes it. I practice polite conversation for hours prior to gatecrashing. I have never managed to strike up a conversation however as I am always ejected very soon after arriving.

You guys have been round the block a few times so please can someone tell me where I am going wrong?

And what is halitosis?
dinahsmum's Avatar
dinahsmum
Senior Member
dinahsmum is offline
SW England
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 4,295
dinahsmum is female  dinahsmum has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
19-11-2009, 11:45 AM
2

Re: Where am I going wrong?

Mmmm
I think this may take some time ....
... but the OFFers New Year Party might be interesting!
Mags's Avatar
Mags
Supervisor
Mags is offline
South West UK
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 47,931
Mags is female  Mags has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
19-11-2009, 12:36 PM
3

Re: Where am I going wrong?

Love it!

One thing is certain, although we've never met before, we could always recognise you if you gatecrashed any of our parties!
dinahsmum's Avatar
dinahsmum
Senior Member
dinahsmum is offline
SW England
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 4,295
dinahsmum is female  dinahsmum has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
19-11-2009, 01:46 PM
4

Re: Where am I going wrong?

Maybe the fridge is set too high, or too low???
Calismum's Avatar
Calismum
Senior Member
Calismum is offline
Scotland
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 322
Calismum is female  Calismum has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
19-11-2009, 11:40 PM
5

Re: Where am I going wrong?

I always find the problem with the fridge wardrobe is if the food smells a bit then it can have a detrimental affect on the clothes. This could be the problem, no one likes the smell of 'off food'.

I'm wondering if the socks/shorts combo in the veg cooler is a good thing or not. Both can be 'scented' do you have enough room in the fridge to keep them apart?

I think the mint sauce is an excellent idea, have you considered that not everyone likes mint sauce? Perhaps try something different like Parma Violets which may be acceptable to some.

If you're using a good deoderant I don't see what the problem would be. Do you put it on every day on top of the previous days. Layering scent like this builds it up and you may find it works better that way. If you wash it off now and again how do you ecxpect it to work! (not meaning to be cheeky, just thought you might not know this).

You said that you practice polite conversation but haven't had a lot of practice. I'm wondering if perhaps your facial expression is the problem? A little tip - try practicing when you are out and about in places you can see your expression - for example shop windows, car, van, bus or train windows etc. And don't forget to smile!!

Other than that I can't think what the prblem is - maybe you're not choosing the right type of party??

Good luck.
Grimloaf The Damp's Avatar
Grimloaf The Damp
Member
Grimloaf The Damp is offline
Left of Centre Earth
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 53
Grimloaf The Damp is male  Grimloaf The Damp has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
19-11-2009, 11:51 PM
6

Re: Where am I going wrong?

Originally Posted by Calismum ->
I always find the problem with the fridge wardrobe is if the food smells a bit then it can have a detrimental affect on the clothes. This could be the problem, no one likes the smell of 'off food'.

I'm wondering if the socks/shorts combo in the veg cooler is a good thing or not. Both can be 'scented' do you have enough room in the fridge to keep them apart?

I think the mint sauce is an excellent idea, have you considered that not everyone likes mint sauce? Perhaps try something different like Parma Violets which may be acceptable to some.

If you're using a good deoderant I don't see what the problem would be. Do you put it on every day on top of the previous days. Layering scent like this builds it up and you may find it works better that way. If you wash it off now and again how do you ecxpect it to work! (not meaning to be cheeky, just thought you might not know this).

You said that you practice polite conversation but haven't had a lot of practice. I'm wondering if perhaps your facial expression is the problem? A little tip - try practicing when you are out and about in places you can see your expression - for example shop windows, car, van, bus or train windows etc. And don't forget to smile!!

Other than that I can't think what the prblem is - maybe you're not choosing the right type of party??

Good luck.
Thank you very much for the thoughtful advice! I agree the mint sauce can be detrimental, before starting to eat the stuff in quantity at least the sheep were obliging! Please do not mention the W word the nearest I have come to a wwwwaaaash in the last 40 years was when the district nurse scrubbed my rear with a surgical wipe before inserting my biannual suppository!

I will try the facial expression training and let you know how I get on, that is unless I am arrested again!
Grimloaf The Damp's Avatar
Grimloaf The Damp
Member
Grimloaf The Damp is offline
Left of Centre Earth
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 53
Grimloaf The Damp is male  Grimloaf The Damp has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
19-11-2009, 11:53 PM
7

Re: Where am I going wrong?

Originally Posted by dinahsmum ->
Maybe the fridge is set too high, or too low???
I wouldn't know I never plug it in!
dinahsmum's Avatar
dinahsmum
Senior Member
dinahsmum is offline
SW England
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 4,295
dinahsmum is female  dinahsmum has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
20-11-2009, 12:03 PM
8

Re: Where am I going wrong?

Thank goodness for sensible empathetic people like Calismum - that all sounds like good advice, Grim
Azz's Avatar
Azz
Admin
Azz is offline
South Wales, UK
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 8,027
Azz is male  Azz has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
20-11-2009, 05:51 PM
9

Re: Where am I going wrong?

Lol you guys are mad
 

Thread Tools


© Copyright 2009, Over50sForum   Contact Us | Over 50s Forum! | Archive | Privacy Statement | Terms of Use | Top

Powered by vBulletin Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.