Re: The real cause of depression

Well I am very glad you found your way back. It's often the thought of loved ones that help us find the path to keeps us here. I see it as a road that we can take a wrong turning on and we need a light to find the path again.

OH unfortunately hasn't found his way back. He's still seriously ill. Doesn't think he deserves to be happy. Also was always very stubborn so you can't talk him out of it or tell him he's wonderful. He just doesn't believe it because he feels terribly guilty he wasn't there for his mum (even though he did all he possibly could).

I've realised there is only so much you can do, just be there for someone until they are ready to live again (if ever) and support them while they are going through it.

Re: The real cause of depression

yes very true

Re: The real cause of depression

AnnieS

Your Oh may find it hard to talk to someone close to him but easier to talk in the first instance to a friend or neighbour. Why not invite one of his friends around for an evening and prompt them to ease into the subject.Say you are having a girls night out. He just might open up and spurt it all out what is troubling him

Re: The real cause of depression

I'm the only person he will open up to and he has told me everything he feels inside. He tells his psychiatrist everything is ok.

His (many) friends have gradually stopped wanting to see him. Because when they come he hardly speaks to them. Most people find it very difficult to deal with the change in someone when they are so ill. Even the closest friends have better things to do and when I have friends there he hardly says a word. They ask after him but he doesn't want to see people, doesn't want them to see him as he is now

It really teaches you a lot about human nature to go through this journey with someone. I really do wonder how those who are completely alone cope. The system is only helpful if you have someone to fight your corner.

Re: The real cause of depression

I've always been a 'bottler upper' and suffered with the goblins in the past. Dark places at the time with overwhelming feelings of being trapped and worthless, stuck in blackness.

Early 20s after the break up of my first marriage and ongoing stuff in the family, it all got too much. I regularly self harmed slashing needles down my arms. TBH it started when I was about 12, the self harming. Deliberately cutting my fingers on opened tins destined for the bin and needling my arms.
In my 40s in another bad relationship (and the last time I did it) it was a saw not a needle. What a mess thinking back, but the relief doing it was wonderful.
I hid it all and no-one knew. I've never told anyone about this before. The scars can hardly been seen now thankfully.

In the deep low mood in my early 20s, I was put on anti-depressants. I came off them after I couldn't even walk straight, they made me feel drunk. Just cut them out, suffered withdrawal symptoms. I swore I would never get like that again, ever, or take pills. (and it's such a struggle knowing I have to pop thyroid and calcium pills now)

Occasionally I feel low but nothing like before. I tell no-one how I really feel and cut myself off from people for a while. If anyone susses - I say I'm fine and change the subject to something lighthearted.
For me, talking about it makes it worse. It helps too that I live on my own - I don't have to pretend or admit how i feel to anyone.

When I was in 20s low mood, I felt on my own with no-one to talk to, but I couldn't talk, didn't want to talk. Looking back on those times - I think it made me feel I was stronger (or maybe in control) not talking because I viewed talking about it as being weak, if that makes sense. On reflection too, I think it relates to my mother's mental health problems - I didn't want to be classed as suffering problems so I had to appear normal.

(Gosh this place sure makes you think back doesn't it). (I have to go lighthearted midstream now - it's just my way)

I worked and volunteered with people suffering ill health, both mental and physical. I enjoyed it very much. I think that's helped too - concentrating on others. I feel in a good place now. Retiring and living on my own is the best.
I get a bit anxious about stuff and occasionally 'bubble up' with tears out of the blue. Then I know 'Hide Away' time calls.

There are so many people in their very dark places who can't change it, don't know how to begin to, nor have the energy or will to. I really do feel for them. Looking back, I'm grateful mine in comparison have been minor.

(Sorry it's a bit long and jumbled up )

Re: The real cause of depression

When I read your post, Realspeed, it defines my thoughts on depression as I believe as others do ,that many things can trigger it, and it accompanies many other illnesses but maybe it is one way of the body trying to force itself into rest. If we can't rest, we can't heal and if the body or mind needs to heal, naturally the mechanics will be put in place to assist. If the mechanics run out of steam and all else has failed ,is this when there's a reaction of what we call 'depression' ?

Re: The real cause of depression

@ Pesta.

You sound as if you've had a rough time. It's good that you can put it on this forum as I'm sure it must help you.
I do think medication can do far more harm than good, but that's the only thing the professionals have relied upon over many years .
Knowing how many come off the medication for similar diagnoses because it makes them feel ten times worse, just proves a point.
I feel desperately sorry for those who ended up in care for one reason or another, and who have been force fed these medications to the point of them taking away all their abilities of living any sort of life. Those poor people have been made brain dead because of the easy option .

I hope you manage to find some peace in your mind and enjoy the things in life that mean something special to you. Little by little, Pesta and a little becomes a lot.

Re: The real cause of depression

Yes Annie, know the feeling, you hate anyone coming.You talk to the psychiatrist, but dont know what to say, because you cant think of why its happening and some of them are not very sympathetic, and you cant face the real world which they are in. You tell them what is happening, but you cant tell them why because you dont know, and then the 30mins is up, same time next week !! you are desperate to get home to the only person that you can trust and the security of your surroundings.
If you are lucky to have a Husband/ Wife that has the patience and not use that saying " you will have to get out of this". How as you say people on their own manage I dont know.
We will never know what depression is .It starts in various ways .

Re: The real cause of depression

not jumbled up at all

Re: The real cause of depression

I read every bit of this thread, with interest.

I am bipolar. I have struggled all my life...

My heart goes out to all of you who have suffered as I have. It is hard. Every day can be a challenge.

I find now that I am a senior, everything is 10 times harder than it ever was before. I cannot accept old age. Life was hard enough before with my bipolar, but now with old age on top of that, it is "very hard".

I have to just take one day at a time, with God as my leader, and find my way though each task I have to face. Some days I am in a manic stage, and high, excited, and can take on the world.....within seconds that can all change.....I can retreat to my bed and find comfort underneath the warm, cozy, blankets.....

I ride a rollar coaster every day of my life.