Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

As his healing backside hit the canvas he carried on straight through and got mangled up in the sun bed as it folded in on itself under Crusty's weight! His cup of tea slopped everywhere, but luckily for him the barm cake wasn't out of arm's reach so he would still be able to have a nibble during his present situation.

He started squawking and struggled to prise the bed apart, but he couldn't manage it. It was no good wailing for help as his next door neighbour had moved out six weeks ago as he couldn't stand living near Crusty any longer.

As he was always moaning and groaning about something or the other, the neighbours in the remaining three houses in his road never took any notice when he started whinging, so there was nobody who could come to his rescue.

Just as he was trying to decide what to do next, he heard the phone ringing in the house.

"Bel, Bel, help me Bel!"

Nobody else rang him except for double glazing salesmen and the like.

Sweating like a pig he rocked and rocked and rocked away in the hot afternoon sun until he got the sun lounger turned over, him face down underneath and then, wading along looking like a mutant tortoise he managed to get into the house by scraping his forearms along like flippers and pushing with his feet, the sun bed trapped on his back.

Of course by the time he finally got inside his little hallway the telephone had stopped ringing, so he pulled the phone off its table with the cord and it smashed down onto the lino. He picked up the handset and listened. There was still a dialling tone so he put the handset down on the floor just in front of his left eyeball then punched in Bel's numbers.

It started to ring and he dreaded her answering as she'd told him she was tired and had business to attend to.

After four rings she answered.

"WOT?"

Crusty bit into his barm cake then spoke in a very subdued, quiet little voice.

"Did ya just ring me Bel only I couldn't get to the phone quick enough?"

"No I've not rung ya. Wot would I wanna talk to you for y'owd faggot?"

"Bel, Bel, yer not going to believe worrave gone an' done now, (grumph)!"

"Go on then. Worisit? Worrave ya gone an' done this time?"

"I've fawd through me sun bed (munch) an'a cawn't ger'out. I managed to inch me way along the grass and into the house and knocked me phone off me table to ring ya. They didn't (gobble) call me Owd Slugslie for nowt Bel, (schnuffle)! I look like I've getten a shell on me back!"

"I don't bluddy believe this. On second thoughts, yes I do! Alreet ya daft owd sod, I'll be wi' ya in thirty minutes. I can't ger'any peace and quiet wi' ya. Stay where y'are."

"Well I cawn't go anywhere Bel, nor'in this state, (schnort)!"

Bel put the phone down and sighed heavily. It would be easier to have two year old twins or a great lolloping dog to look after!

She left what she'd been doing by saving the details on her computer and shutting it down as she had no idea how long she was going to be this time. She took a power tool from her shed then got into the car and drove round to Crusty's. She opened the front door with her key and found him still lying there on the floor with the phone in his hand.

His eyes were on a level with her boots and he tried to look up, but could only roll his beady eye up as far as her knees and he knew she had her arms folded, and her lip curled down.

He closed his eyes tight and cringed waiting for what she was going to say to him or if she was going to sling him a right hook.

It came!

"Yer nowt bur'a big fat lumpy lardy arsed owd cretin! Wot are ya?"

"Am a big fat lumpy lardy arsed owd cretin Bel. Did I get that right?"

She rolled up her eyes.

"How the hell do you get into these bluddy situations Crusty? There's no one else like you. Yer definitely a one off!"

Just then she bit her lip and wished she hadn't said that.

"I know that Bel. I remember ya telling me that before. Did ya think I were that daft ages ago when ya tried to fob me off wi' that tale after them people from the future came. I knew all along thar'it were true!"

Quickly, she changed the subject.

"Why on earth would ya try to sit in summat that's fawin't bits Crusty? Even I can see that the material is rotted away and your bluddy big fat belly and arse were bound to stretch it beyond wot little strength it had left!"

"Am sorry Bel. I'd cut me grass an'a were hot an'a just wanted a sit down. I found this under't grass. Good in'it? Any road up I made meself a butty an'a cup o' tea and sat on it and that were it. It just folded up on me."

"An'a suppose ya ett yer butty while ya were talking to me on't phone!"

"I did Bel, how did ya know that?"

"Cos I could hear ya grumphin' and snortin' down the line, an'a could smell ya as weel. Ya smells bluddy ripe Crusty so ya'd best have a shower after!"

"Oh reet!"

Bel strode over him and went to put the kettle on. While she was waiting for it to boil she went outside and checked to make sure he'd mown his grass properly then she returned and made them both a cup of tea.

"Bel, Bel, are ya theer Bel?"

She came back to where he was still lying trussed up and looking like Hannibal Lecter in his metal straight jacket.

"Worisit? Wot d'ya want now ya whining owd sod?"

"Bel, I don't like to be a nuisance, bur'if it's not too much bother can ya try and get me out o' this contraption?"

"Wot d'ya mean ya don't like to be a nuisance? Yer never nowt else! Come here an' I'll try and prise you out. I've brought me cutting machine wi' me, hang on a bit!"

She went back to her car and brought back the tool and plugged it in then dragged him outside before switching it on. It buzzed into life and Crusty's eyes stood out like organ stops, fear written all over his face.

"Be careful wot yer doing wi' that Bel. Ya might cut summat important off!"

"Well I'd best start by cutting yer yed off then eh, get rid of the excess as that's not important, then I'll hack Mister Floppy and the Crusticles off as weel! Ya will sing funny then!! I keep saying ya need a bluddy yed transplant and now's the opportunity! Neh shurrup while I concentrate or it'll not be only yer bluddy yed I slice off!"

Bel was really enjoying herself and every now and then she'd burst out laughing and chuckling. She lit her pipe and had a few chuffs to get it going, then started cutting away at the metal making a terrible grinding noise. After about ten minutes and many sparks later she managed to extricate Crusty from his home-made traction.

"There! How's thar'owd lad!"

She stood there chuffing away on her pipe, pleased at her own work.

Crusty got up off the floor slowly, beaming and thanking his Bel so much that she nearly clocked him one again. His muscles and joints were stiff from being in the same position for so long.

"That's a belting tool thar'is Bel. Canna borrow it only I've had a good idea burra need a cutter like that."

"No ya can't borrow it ya daft owd dingbat and wot d'ya mean you've had a good idea. All your ideas are daft and ya end up in mischief. Ya'll end up cuttin' yer legs off or summat stupid. Worisit ya want doing?"

He led her to where he'd placed the metal garden bin and told her he wanted it cutting in half.

"Half, which way?"

? ?

"Round or down?" she asked demonstrating.

"Oh! Down please Bel."

Again she threw the power tool into action and did as Crusty wanted.

"Worra ya goin' to do with the two halves Crusty?"

"It's a surprise for you Bel!"

Oh boy!

"Nor'another surprise!"

As soon as she'd left he got his drill out and started drilling large holes in one of the halves of the bin and then, heaving it over onto its side so it looked like a pram with no wheels, he hoisted it up onto some bricks which he'd majestically constructed by throwing them into two heaps.

He started grinning and his tongue dropped out!

© Mollie M
09.07.02

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

Just read the last two chapters Mollie. Trust Crusty to nearly ruin the BBQ And as for him crawling along the ground trapped in a sun lounger.... well that must have been a sight for sore eyes

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

Poor old lad! He does get himself into such scrapes, doesn't he?

It's a wonder he's survived for this long!

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

Assume this thing he's just made is a bbq??

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

After a fashion!!!

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

70

Crusty's on the Menu
(and He Does A Mate A Favour!)

Sunday also proved to be another beautiful day and Bel called at Crusty's at ten a.m. to take him out to the garden centre.

"Morning Bel. Worra we gerrin at the garding centre today?"

Whilst she'd been at his house the day before she had had a few thoughts on how to make his garden a little more respectable, so she bought some hardy flowering perennials, some shrubs and small low growing trees, a new sun bed, and some other odds and ends.

Really it needed a complete new makeover with paving etc to make it low maintenance and cut down on mowing considering Crusty's advancing years, but for now they'd just get it nice enough for them both to sit in when she visited.

On arrival at the garden centre though Crusty had another good idea, so he whizzed into action and got his Bel one of the staff's wheelbarrows for carrying stuff around in. She was going to make him put it back again, but decided that it was a good idea after all!!

Another good idea from Crusty?

She bought some bags of cobbles, stones, a nice climbing rose, a couple of patio chairs with table and considered doing a little water feature for him as well, but changed her mind almost immediately.

"Little fart'll probably end up falling in nose down and drowning himself in it!"

They hadn't been out very long and, when they returned, Bel could smell burning coming from somewhere. Crusty started grinning and dashing about all over the place, but told Bel she was to go and sit in his living room and wait for her surprise.

"No Crusty it's a lovely day an'a want to be outside and get your garden into some kind of order."

"It's only for a minute Bel, please Bel!"

She slumped down in a chair totally fed up.

"Wot the hell is he up to this time?" she thought silently, as she began to doze.

Suddenly he whooshed back in full of excitement.

"Bel, Bel come on Bel. Come an' look at the surprise I made ya!"

He grabbed her hand and hoisted her out of the chair and led her into his back garden.

There, standing proudly in the middle, was Crusty's home made bar-b-que, charcoal gleaming brightly with two-day old sausages and chops turning into burnt offerings.

That was what he'd wanted the metal bin cut in half for and why he had to drill the holes in it. It favvered bluddy weel, as he hadn't thought to clean it out first before cooking on it!

"Wot the bl....!"

"Come on Bel. I've made us a barby just like yours!"

Hardly!

He'd set up the patio chairs and table with knives, forks and plates for them and he zoomed over to his "cooking".

"Oh no, nor'again! He's not cooking again. Dear Lord please tell me that he's not cooking AGAIN!" prayed Bel silently.

And the Lord looked down upon Crustabel the Mighty, and He shooketh His head in great sadness. Then He spaketh unto her.

"Yeseth, the Crusty cooketh once more, but I shall watcheth over thee so that thou suffereth no more than necessary. I shall keep vigilance until the morrow when thou wilt surely feel the pangs and mayhap even getteth the sh!ts! But fear not, thy time is not yet nigh and thou shalt suffer no terminal consequences! However, if thou feeleth in the mood, thou hath My blessing if thou wisheth to pasteth him once more!"

Amen to that!

She trudged over to the bar-b-que, which he was now tending and placing food onto plates for them then they sat down. Bel munched along and again thought in silence.

"Actually, it's not really that bad! Poor old bugger! He's gone to all this trouble to please me and I do nothing but shout at him and beat him up."

She didn't know that he'd placed the left over food from yesterday onto the charcoal just to re-heat!

She looked up at Crusty who was dribbling and hanching his food back, and when he saw her looking at him he gave her the widest grin.

"Am looking forward to going to work tomorrow Bel. Now am a proper waiter am more posher now aren't I?"

"Yes you are lad, an'am glad yer enjoying yer job. By the way, has Jim given you a pay rise yet?"

"No Bel, I don't think so. Is he supposed to? I still get twenty five pound a week for four hours a day five days a week!"

Bel blushed with shame. Fancy making her little pigmy work for lower than the average national wage! At one twenty five an hour it wasn't worth getting out of bed for. A Blackpool donkey gets more than that! Mind you, there's more work in a Blackpool donkey come to think of it! She felt bloody awful.

That wasn't as bad though when she'd offered him a job as a night watchman in her warehouse at one pound an hour and on his first night he'd encountered two robbers who'd bashed him over the head!

Poor old sod!

"Well lad I'll have a word with him about giving you a pay rise. Ya know I own that caff don't ya Crusty?"

"Yeh, well, I thowt ya did burra weren't sure!"

"Well while he's promoted you and the fact that you were on low wages before, I'm going to give ya £5 an hour. How's that? That won't affect yer pension."

Well Crusty went into over-drive.

"Five pound an hour? Five pound? Oh goody, brilliant, fantastic, I'm rich, I'M RICH!!"

She sat there grinning at him enjoying his excitement again.


He walked into the cafe the next morning with renewed confidence, and he didn't care what anybody called him anymore. Because he was now on "high" wages he became even snootier than before, and made an attempt to talk down to people.

He was Junior Waiter. He had a title again and soon he would be as rich as the Missus Queen who lived in the big house in London.

So there!!

Five quid for just one hour! He couldn't believe it. He loved his Bel, but wondered what Jim would say about having to pay him more, especially as he cost the cafe a small fortune in broken crockery, singed tea towels and stowed away food.

As soon as he walked through the door they were at it again giving him wolf whistles and blowing raspberries, then everybody started howling laughing.

"Wossup wi' y'all today?"

"Get that bluddy owd black jacket off an' get thi' pinny on 'cos am dying to try summat off this new menu! Come on, hurry up and be sharp and get thi' pen and pad!"

"New menu? Wot new menu? I wasn't informed of this! Nobody even discussed it wi' me! How amma to serve if I don't know wot's on't menu?"

He plodded through to the back and removed his coat and put his nice clean white frilly pinny on, then returning with pen and pad at the ready, he went over to the first man that had spoken.

"Neh then, wot canna get ya today sir?"

Laughing his head off the man just pointed to the menu.

"I'll try some o' these lad burram not sure how ya pronounce it!"

Crusty took the menu from the man and could see that he was right and that the meals had indeed changed from Friday, but he'd never heard of any of them. He put on his spectacles, as he couldn't read the small print very well. Well, he doesn't read properly at all as we all know, but he can read food words!

"Oh reet. Am nor'a good reader burrall gi' it a go. It says Char-Grilled R'ssoles! Arseholes?"

All the customers burst out laughing as they watched the furrows in his brow grow deeper and deeper, and his face went redder and redder.

"Oh yeh, yeh, very funny! And wot smart arse decided to write this out!" he demanded.

Aggie went into fits and laughed so widely you could see all her gums.

"Aye, "smart arse" is reet lad. I'll bet thy arse did some smartin' t'other day! I don't know who made that menu up bur'it's bluddy good!"

They were off again, and Crusty shambled off and sat by himself at a corner table. It was going to take him some time to read through all of this, and this is what he read.

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

Loaf About Menu

Nosebag of the Day

Freshly Chopped Parsely Soup
£0.90 a bowel full

Main Meals with Chips & Farting Fruit (Peys):

Lancashire Hot Bot/Brown Sarse
£2.25 a big plateful

Singed Arse End of Pigmy
£1.85 a portion

Crusticle Kebabs & Chilli Sarse
£2.45 a portion

Char-Grilled R'ssoles
£2.45 a portion

Bar-b-Qued Arse Cutlets
£3.65 a big gobful

Crispy Charcoal Bumburgers
£1.20 on a bum cake

Chunky Chimp Chump Chops
£4.20 with carrots

Fiery Pigs Arse au Gratin
£5.70 with onions

Roast Rump Stew (Most Tasteyful)
£3.95 a big dollop

Crisps! (arsorted)
£0.28 a bag

Desserts of the Day

Crispy Fried Posterior Peaches
in a Searing Hot Sarse
0.95
£1.15 with strawberry arse cream

Fried Lemon Fritter Fartlets*
£1.30 with arse cream

Printing error * should read Tartlets!

He sat depressed in his corner with his head hanging low for the longest time. He was really upset this time that people thought so little of him that they'd go to these lengths to make even more fun of him, and the unfortunate predicament he found himself in the other week when the man had struck a match and his arse had caught fire.

He hadn't been in since!

"Come on owd lad, it's only a bit o' fun," said one lady patting him on the back.

She seemed to be most concerned about Crusty being so upset, and worried that he might do something silly.

"Ya wouldn't think it were a bit o' fun if everybody kept laffing at you for nowt!"

"It's not for nowt ya daft owd dipstick. Thar'allers doin' summat daft, setting thi' arse a-fire and all sorts! Wot d'ya expect when yer farting all't time when folk are trying t'ayte?"

"Bur'it's not my fault. I don't do it on purpose! Am just clumsy that's all. Ya shouldn't laff at me for that! Am gerrin owd now!!"

"Sorry lad. Come on, yer doin' a beltin' little job since ya became junior waiter. Just imagine, you becoming a JUNIOR WAITER an' yer only sixty eight. Just imagine how much further ya can go! Ya could even become Head Waiter in a couple o' years!"

Crusty started preening. He'd missed the sarcasm and he started strutting around again, nose in the air.

"Neh then Crusty, wor'ave ya been up to over the weekend?" asked a nice young man around thirty, who had been coming every morning for the last few weeks.

"It's Mister Nibbleswick from now on! Anyway, I started cleaning me bedroom till me vacuum cleaner leckocuted me, so my Bel had to finish it for me an' then on Friday afternoon I went to my Bel's barby burra thowt her house was afire so I sent for't fire brigade and that were a bit of a to-do. Saturday I was mowing me lawn when I fawd through me sun lounger and my Bel had to come and get me out, then on Sunday we went to the garding centre for some stuff for me garden."

The customers had gone into fits laughing again on hearing about the Crusty electrocuting himself. He had no idea what they were laughing at, but he knew he was always the butt of someone's warped sense of humour.

"Have ya gor'any grass in yer garden lad? Er, sorry, Mister Nibbleswick."

"Oh yeh, loads of it. Why, did ya want some cuttings? I can let yer have as much as ya wants!"

"Er, no ta, not really. Actually I was wondering if I could use a bit of yer garden if ya can spare some space. I've gor'a a few plants I'm trying to cultivate."

"Wot sort o' plants?"

"Well, they're a bit special burrave nor'enough room in me garden to give 'em the space they need. Canna fetch some over toneet and ger'em planted?"

"Well I don't see why not. I've plenty o' room. Fetch 'em round toneet lad but ya'll have't plant 'em yerself. Am not so good on me knees these days."

Crusty gave the nice young man his address and thought no more about it.

Daft sod!


It was nearing the end of September now, but the weather was still glorious. They were having an Indian Summer for a change from all the rain that usually accompanies the onslaught of October.

Crusty's rusty bar-b-que still stood where he'd left it, still with bits of burnt food on it and the ashes of the charcoal. His grass had started to grow tall, so Bel made him get out the lawn mower again as she sat in the sunshine watching him whiz the mower along in all different directions.

He was happy. When he was happy, she was happy.

When he'd finished he sat down at the side of her in the other patio chair panting for breath and tongue dangling, so she handed him some cool lemonade.

Slurp, guzzle, gargle, schliiiip!!

"D'ya have't make that bluddy noise when yer supping summat?"

"Sorry Bel. I were thirsty!"

"These plants are coming on really well Crusty. Worra ya givin' 'em?"

"Am not givin' 'em owt Bel. Why, wot d'ya mean?"

"Well look at how big they've grown in just under a week. Is it normal that? Wot are they anyway?"

"Dunno Bel, they're not mine!"

"Wot d'ya mean they're not yours? They're in your garden so why wouldn't they be yours? They favver bluddy tryffids!"

"Oh am just doing a lickle favour for a mate that's all Bel."

Alarm bells started ringing again.

"Wot mate? You have no mates!"

Sulk.

"Yeh I have. His name's Duster an' he asked me if I would ler'im put some plants in me garding as he doesn't have enough space in his own so I said he could, that's all! There's nowt wrong in plantin' a few flowers is there?"

Bel got out of her chair for a closer inspection of the plant. She had to admit she'd never seen these before, but they were very fine specimens.

"Well wot did he say they were?"

"Oh he said they were special weeds he was cultivating. I think he's a scientist that messes about with plants."

"Botanist."

Crusty went quiet.

"Wot's up wi' ya now!"

"Just because I brunt me arse a few weeks ago doesn't mean ya can keep calling me names!"

"I said Botanist not Arsonist! A botanist is someone who studies plants."

"Oh! Wot's an arsonist then Bel?" he said, beam returning.

"That's someone who sets their arses on fire!" she said smirking.

"Well I must be an arsonist then too Bel. I must have two titles now then. I'm a junior waiter and an arsonist! Oh, an' a commode! I'd nearly forgetten about that!"

"That's reet owd lad!" said Bel, tittering.

The following weekend they were both sat in Crusty's garden, once more enjoying the afternoon sunshine. They were just in the middle of a conversation when there was a knock on his front door, so he bounded out of his chair to answer it.

Two minutes later, an ashen-faced Crusty re-appeared in the back garden with two police officers flanking him either side.

Bel sat up in her seat, alarmed.

"Wot the bluddy hell have ya bin up to THIS time?"

"Nowt Bel, swear to God I've done absolutely nothing."

"Wot's he done officers?"

Without replying, two other officers appeared and started to take leaf samples from some of Crusty's plants.

"Are these your plants sir?" enquired one plain clothed officer.

"Some of 'em are, but some are Duster's. I'm lending him some o' me space!"

"Please point out those which belong to this Duster sir!"

Crusty scuttled here and scampered there and pointed to the ones Duster had planted just a little over a fortnight ago.

"Wot has the daft owd bugger done officer? I demand to know!"

"And you are, Madam?"

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

"Crustabel Leekey, a friend of this owd pork chop here!"

"And are you in collusion with this gentleman madam with regard to the plants in this garden?"

"Well I wouldn't exactly call it collusion and he ain't no gentleman! I took Crusty to the garden centre just about two weeks ago and I picked him out some nice hardy perennials and some shrubs and trees, so if that's what you mean then yes. But I've had nothing to do with these plants that this Duster character asked Crusty to keep for him. In fact, I've looked through some plant books and can't find any pictures or information about them. According to this Duster, he told Crusty that he was cultivating something special and we presumed he was a botanist."

"Well madam, if that's the truth, you and your friend here have been well and truly duped. These are cannabis plants madam, and a very fine horticultural example they are as well."

"Cannabis!"

Crusty looked puzzled and he needed another new battery for his hearing aid.

"Can o' p!ss Bel?"

"Shurrup for a minute ya daft owd dirt bag!"

Crusty turned to the officer and asked again.

"Did ya say these plants are called Can o' P!ss? I've heard of Love in a Mist burrave never heard of any called can o' ....."

"Crusty will ya shut yer bluddy hole and let me deal with this!"

She calmed herself and turned again to the officer, giving him her largest grin and showing her huge teeth.

"As you have probably gathered, Crusty's a couple of bricks short of a load. He wouldn't know what cannabis is."

The police officers looked at each other and shrugged.

"Mister Nibbleswick! Are you trying to tell me that you've never grown any grass or weed before?"

Crusty stuck his thumb in his mouth and looked at Bel. She nodded for him to answer.

"Don't be daft. Course I've grown grass and weeds. Most people I know have a lawn and them's always made out of grass. Wor'else would they be made of? I've just mown mine, and ya've got to keep pulling up them weeds otherwise they make a mess of yer nice plants and stuff and they get tangled up everywhere!"

How could they possibly not believe him?

As innocent as the driven snow!

Poor coppers thought they were going to make a big arrest following a tip off from one of Crusty's neighbours who'd seen the plants thriving happily in his back garden and the Police had set up a carefully organised swoop!

And what did they find?

The Crusty!

"Well sir, for what it's worth, we believe you. Nobody could look as innocent as you and make up such a ridiculous story. However, we'll have to confiscate all the cannabis plants which will be subsequently burned!"

Crusty's mouth dropped open in horror.

"Ya cawn't do that. Ya cawn't brun somebody's plants that they've spent time cultivating specially and, in any case, wockle I tell Duster when I see him in't caff tomorrer?"

The police officers cheered up no end.

"You know how to find Duster then do you sir?"

"Oh yeh, he comes in my cafe every morning for his brekkie."

"Your cafe sir? What job is it you do?"

Crusty started preening again and stuck his nose in the air.

"Well I'm the Junior Waiter and I'm also an arsonist an'a commode as well. Neh then, ya didn't know that, did ya?" he said blowing his fingernails with pride.

The police officer poised his pen over his notebook with enthusiasm.

"So you're an arsonist are you sir? Would you be so kind as to ........."

"Hang on a bit. He's nor'an arsonist officer. He got mixed up with botanist and arsonist that's all. I told him he was an arsonist because the other week his arse caught fire, that's all!"

A likely story!

"Yes that's reet. Me arse caught fire when a man lit a cig. Ya see, I'd just farted as I were walking past an'a ............."

"All right sir, I don't think you need explain any further. We're more interested in catching Duster. He got his name from selling Class B drugs like Angel Dust and cannabis. If he comes into your cafe in the morning sir can you keep him talking by telling him how well his plants are doing, things like that?"

"DRUGS!!! Aye if ya wants me't keep him chattin', I will!"

You see what I mean? Crusty always gets his man and has no idea how he manages to achieve it!

Anyway Crusty's, or rather Duster's, plants were plucked up and hauled away by the police and true enough the following morning Duster came into the cafe totally unaware that the police had caught up with him, again thanks to Crusty.

He'd been known as a dealer in cannabis and other "soft" drugs for a while but was new in the area so the Wigan police had been alerted to this fact. All the police knew was that his name was Duster but that was it.

Good old Crusty.

Bel was so pleased with him for once more foiling yet another criminal that she decided it was time to treat him to something really special.

She thought of another Indian meal.

No.

A new car perhaps?

No.

Well then, the one thing he enjoyed more than anything else in the world.

Another jaunt mayhap?

Yes, she'd think about that for the near future. Perhaps a bit of sunshine while Britain froze?

Yes.

© Mollie M
09.07.02

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

Brilliant! Laughed at Crusty getting mangled in the sun lounger - can just picture that.

As for the cannabis growing, well, you could call Crusty a 'grass' even though he doesn't know it. He sure knows how to pick his so-called 'friends'.

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part two )

How can one person get into so much bother?