Join for free
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 > Last »
susan m's Avatar
susan m
Senior Member
susan m is offline
DORSET UK
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 4,935
susan m is female  susan m has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 11:32 AM
1

what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

Friends son of 25 has been a problem for all of his life according to her , he's been in prison as after years of stealing and lying she reported him to the police for stealing continuously from her and his grandparents . Last year he met a single mother and moved in with her , became a wonderful stepfather to the baby yet continued to harass his mother and grandparents for money which she gave and gave as did they .In the last year his mother has stopped financing him as her savings have gone , yet he's still harassing her and causing problems . Recently the relationship ended and he has moved back in with his mother . She has to hide her credit card and purse , he has taken things from her home and sold them such as a large tv , computers etc , nothing is safe. She doesn't want him there it's causing her stress yet says she can't turn him out or he would be homeless .

This lad is on PIP and receives large amounts of money as he was born with a defective gene which affects his appearance and joints yet not his mobility , he could work as is capable yet doesn't as the money comes easily to him weekly . His mother agrees he could work but due to the issue at birth PIP is paid and will always be .

I've wondered how I would cope with this , he is her son and she loves him , yet at 25 doesn't want him there but can't throw him out . He would get help with housing due to his benefit payments but refuses to get a flat on his own .

How would you deal with this ?
Mups's Avatar
Mups
Chatterbox
Mups is offline
Northamptonshire
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 46,083
Mups is female  Mups has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 11:55 AM
2

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

I think I would get to the point where I'd have to lay down the law, susan.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, and in some ways I don't think she has done him any favours by constantly giving in to his demands.

It seems to me that all he has learned is his Mum is a soft touch and he has no respect for her whatsoever, from what you say.
If he doesn't get his act together and have a bit of pride in himself, what will he do if/when his Mum dies? He'll never cope - or will just go back to stealing again.

If he is capable of working, she might offer to go with him to sort things out? I think I would eventually have to say . . "mend your ways, or you're OUT." And mean it! If he knows it is just an idle threat he will just laugh at her.

He has no right to treat her like that IMO.
Uncle Joe
Chatterbox
Uncle Joe is offline
Brighton UK
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 25,458
Uncle Joe is male  Uncle Joe has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 12:06 PM
3

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

Tough love!!! - Since son is living there under licence only (he is not the official tenant) Mother must now revoke that licence and if that means son being homeless - sobeit!!!
Tpin's Avatar
Tpin
Chatterbox
Tpin is offline
UK
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 16,130
Tpin is male  Tpin has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 12:14 PM
4

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

No mention of why he steals...drugs? Gambling? Drink?

He obviously has issues and needs help....his mother is his worst enemy.

Out he goes, force him to get help.
susan m's Avatar
susan m
Senior Member
susan m is offline
DORSET UK
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 4,935
susan m is female  susan m has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 01:03 PM
5

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

Mmmm I agree with you all and do say the same , but yes she is enabling him due to her softness . He isn't on drugs or drink but we don't know what he does with the money he has .

Interesting replies
Barry's Avatar
Barry
Chatterbox
Barry is offline
North Notts
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 15,676
Barry is male  Barry has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 01:12 PM
6

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

I would have thrown him out years ago, bowing to the demands of a spoilt bully, for that's exactly what he is, always makes the situation worse. At 25 he needs to make his own mistakes and take responsibility for his own actions.
Tpin's Avatar
Tpin
Chatterbox
Tpin is offline
UK
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 16,130
Tpin is male  Tpin has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 01:16 PM
7

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

Originally Posted by susan m ->
Mmmm I agree with you all and do say the same , but yes she is enabling him due to her softness . He isn't on drugs or drink but we don't know what he does with the money he has .

Interesting replies
So...it could be drink and/or drugs.
susan m's Avatar
susan m
Senior Member
susan m is offline
DORSET UK
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 4,935
susan m is female  susan m has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 01:19 PM
8

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

Hi tpin , well , we've spoken about this , we've never seen signs of this , but you never know do you .
Tpin's Avatar
Tpin
Chatterbox
Tpin is offline
UK
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 16,130
Tpin is male  Tpin has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 01:23 PM
9

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

Originally Posted by susan m ->
Hi tpin , well , we've spoken about this , we've never seen signs of this , but you never know do you .
Drug users, by nature, are very secretive.

Drink is a lot easier to detect as we all know the signs to look for.
eccles
Senior Member
eccles is offline
South West
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,109
eccles is female  eccles has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
22-06-2017, 01:37 PM
10

Re: what would you do - unacceptable behaviour

I'd throw him out and change the locks on my home. If he's unwilling to behave in a civilised manner that would be it for me. Too many adult children sponge off their parents, manipulate them with emotional blackmail and take advantage by dumping their own kids onto them.
 
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 > Last »

Thread Tools


© Copyright 2009, Over50sForum   Contact Us | Over 50s Forum! | Archive | Privacy Statement | Terms of Use | Top

Powered by vBulletin Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.