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gumbud
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australia
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18-06-2018, 02:01 AM
821

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Pug ->
My mate's doctor told him he has to give up drinking alcohol.
...so he's wandering around with a beer mat stuck to his arm...
No no - just don't get one pugsie did you mean - my mates doctor told him he has to give up beer mats??
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West Riding of Yorkshire
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18-06-2018, 07:11 PM
822

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by gumbud ->
No no - just don't get one pugsie did you mean - my mates doctor told him he has to give up beer mats??
It's a take on nicotine patches to help someone stop smoking.
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West Riding of Yorkshire
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18-06-2018, 07:11 PM
823

Re: Jokes for blokes

My wife rang me on my mobile today and said, "Where the hell are you?"

"Can you remember that jewellery shop we looked in on Saturday?" I asked. "The one that had those earrings you really liked in the window."

"Yes," she said, in a much more cheerful tone.

"Well, I'm in the pub next door."
Sweetie pie
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Dorset
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20-06-2018, 08:01 PM
824

Re: Jokes for blokes

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

Here is The Weather Forecast :

"Following an explosion at the Japanese Car Manufactory, it will be raining Datsun Cogs"
gumbud
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20-06-2018, 10:11 PM
825

Re: Jokes for blokes

groans
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East Anglia,UK
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21-06-2018, 03:40 PM
826

Re: Jokes for blokes

I recall being faced with an irate 2nd lieutenant who stood two inches from me and bellowed "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!" To which I replied "Why,thank you,sir!"
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21-06-2018, 04:18 PM
827

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Pug ->
I recall being faced with an irate 2nd lieutenant who stood two inches from me and bellowed "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!" To which I replied "Why,thank you,sir!"
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West Riding of Yorkshire
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21-06-2018, 06:08 PM
828

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Pug ->
I recall being faced with an irate 2nd lieutenant who stood two inches from me and bellowed "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!" To which I replied "Why,thank you,sir!"
Sweetie pie
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21-06-2018, 07:24 PM
829

Re: Jokes for blokes

During training exercises, the Lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.

"Your car stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. "Yours is."

Two crows were flying along slowly minding their own business enjoying the scenery, when all of a sudden out of the blue an F/A-18E/F Super Hornet goes screaming past, barely missing the now somersaulting, and wildly flapping crows.

"Oh my God!" exclaims one crow in surprise. "He was sure moving!"

The other crow replies: "I reckon you would be too if you had two backsides and both of them were alight!"
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East Anglia,UK
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21-06-2018, 07:28 PM
830

Re: Jokes for blokes

When I took my maths degree,82% of the students passed the exams.

...the other 26% had to re-sit them...
 
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