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03-03-2012, 02:10 AM
21

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

"Yer a fat lazy owd scrawl! If I see it in yer kitchen again I'll wheel thee out in it for't bin men. Go and get them jobs done NOW!!"

He trundled off mumbling.

She was listening!

"Don't tell me am goin't get punished for THIS now! I cawn't keep up at all. I no sooner gets punished for one thing then I gets punished for summat else. Am goin't have't start writing 'em all down so tharrall know wor'each punishment's fo'! I don't know how her manages to keep thinkin' 'em all up, I don't honest! Nobody gets punished as much as I do an'a try to be good, bur'it always just comes out wrong. Am nor'a bad person really, Am just daft. Her shouldn't punish me for bein' daft 'cos I don't do it o' purpose!"

"You keep on an' I'll give ya a clout. I've never known anybody't whinge as much as you do. Yer a bluddy expert!"

He got rid of the kipper then wheeled the overflowing dustbin out into his back yard, still mumbling as he went.

"I can hear ya mumbling. Neh shaddap an' ger'it done!!"

He came scuttling back in again ten seconds later.

"It's bluddy cowd outside Bel. I'll just have't shove everything in a black bin bag and then when it's full I can tek it out to me bin!"

She aimed a swipe at him but he dodged out of the way.

"It's no bluddy wonder yer house stinks rotten. There'll be all bluddy sorts thrown in that bin. I wouldn't like't go rummaging through it!"

"It's mainly tins Bel, an'a don't throw any food away, ya knows that 'cos it all goes down me gullet!"

"Well anyway. An' that's another thing! In future keep yer key on a piece o' string round yer neck! It's not natural havin't keep fumbling through that bluddy lot every time ya try to find it!"

"Oh that's a good idea Bel. Why didn't I think o' that?"

"Because ya've no brains, that's why!"

"I'll not be a minute Bel. I'll just have't go an' find me tiger rug. It's buggered off again!"

She went to put the kettle on while he went on his daily big game hunt and by the time he found it trembling behind the wardrobe, Bel had made them a mug of tea each.

He grabbed at the tiger's tail and hoisted it over his shoulder, dragging the poor moth eaten beast back down to its pride of place in front of the fire.

"There! Ya know Bel, it's a mystery to me why it keeps creeping off when I'm not watching!"

He sat down, took off his shoes and put his feet on the tiger's head, which he used as a foot stool.

"Wot d'ya mean it's a mystery? If ya kept purrin yer nasty smelly owd feet on my bluddy yed I'D keep buggering off as weel! Go an' put yer kippers on and then none of us'll go slinkin' off!"

"Burram more comfy wi' no boots on Bel. Me feet keep sliding about in me boots an' it makes me walk funny."

"Yer feet keep sliding about in yer stinky little vinyl boots 'cos they're soaked in bluddy sweat. No wonder they're slippy. Does it never occur to ya to soak yer feet and ger'em clean once in a while?"

"Wot fo'?"

"So as they'll not stink, that's wot fo'!"

He sat sulking but didn't move.

"Reet then, if that's the way ya want it, I'm off. It's gerrin late anyway an' it's past yer bedtime! I'll give ya a ring when ya stops sulking!"

"How will ya know that?"

"I'll know. I allers do! Ya'd best start thinking about buying yerself a new carpet for in here an' all. This one's so bluddy owd it looks like it's been crocheted! It's full of holes!!"

"They cost a lorra money though Bel!"

"Thar'as tight as bluddy cramp thee! I'm off!"

"By the way Bel. I know wot that thing was now that ya touched in me pants! See, I'll show ya!"

"Ya dun't need't bother. I don't want to see wot nasties ya've gor'in yer pants! It dun't bear thinkin' about!"

"No look!"

He unzipped his pants and Bel went white. Then he took out the slimy, slippery thing that had frightened Bel to death.

"Si' thi'! It's only me banana! I towd ya I'd started keepin' one in me pants for when I gor'ungry!"
He sniffed at it then started to peel it.

"You filthy owd grungy arsed tow-rag. Ya shouldn't dangle summat that shape at the front o' yer pants!"

"Well if I shove it down't back it'd look like I'd done a turd in me knicks!"

His logic was sound but she gave up anyway and wobbled off, climbed into the Land Rover and took off for blessed peace at home. She parked the vehicle up in the garage then she went into the house, went for a wash and then bed. It was hard work keep thinking up different punishments for him, but she reckoned she could use one or two old ones that she hadn't used for a long time.

She fell asleep thinking about them.


© Mollie M
10.04.03
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04-03-2012, 01:23 AM
22

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

Another good read Mollie. Bel got a right shock fumbling around in Crusty's pockets looking for his key
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04-03-2012, 02:36 AM
23

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

Oh lol! That was funny when Bel was fumbling through Crusty's pockets Made me hoot when he said why he couldn't very well hide his banana in the back of his pants
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04-03-2012, 02:37 AM
24

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

As if hiding the banana at the front wasn't just as bad! Nasty owd beggar!
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07-03-2012, 02:17 AM
25

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

108

Crusty Fools His Bel
(and She Takes Up Baseball!)



The next morning she was awoken with the piercing shrill of the telephone demanding her attention, yet again.

She looked at the clock on her bedside table and groaned. It was just a little before seven o'clock!

"Wot the bluddy hell?"

Dring, dring!


She shambled out onto the landing and picked up the receiver.

"Wot!"

"G'mornin' Bel. How are you this fine day?"

She looked out of the window. It was barely light outside!

She felt her toes tingling, then the sensation went into her ankles, up her legs and by the time it had reached her neck her whole body was wobbling about like a monstrous jelly, every nerve jangling.

"Wot d'ya mean how am I this fine day? It's nor'a fine day, it's still the middle of the bluddy neet. Why aren't ya still asleep in yer stinkin' owd bed? Hast sh!tten in it, ya festerin' owd fart?"

"No Bel, I've not. I might've farted a couple o' times, burra don't think I followed through. D'ya want me to go an' check?"

"Worra want is for you to ger'off this bluddy phone and don't moider me at this time in a morning EVER AGAIN. Ya must wait till it's a decent hour before ya start yer bluddy pestering. Have ya forgotten thar'it teks a lor'out o' me when we do punishments? Neh bog off an' if ya still wants me for summat later, ring me at nine o'clock, or later, ya moidering owd sod!"

SLAM!!


New phone required again?

"I get through more phones than't bluddy Stock Exchange 'cos of him!"

She curled back up in bed and had an extra couple of hours.

Two Hours Later

Brr, brr. Brr, brr!

She stirred again and looked at the clock. It was just gone 7.30 a.m.

"Wossat? I'll ber'a bluddy shillin' it's Crusty again!"

It was the phone again and she hadn't quite broken it. It was still ringing, but it had lost its usual sound. She picked up and heard Crusty's hushed tones.

"Bel, Bel, can ya help me please Bel?"

"Wot the bluddy hell's up wi' ya now? Do you never sleep or does yer festerin' pit stink too much?"

"Ssshh, Bel, ssshh. Ya might disturb 'em!"

She rolled up her eyes. Now what?

"Might disturb wot Crusty? Wot's to do with ya this time?"

"Bel, Bel. There's some cackle in me back garding!"

Cattle?

"Wot sort o' cattle?"

"Cackle type cackle Bel. Ya know, cackle! Them anink mules thar'ava leg on each corner. Will ya come an' ger'em out for me? Can ya come and round 'em up for us, please Bel!"

She closed her eyes tight, shook her head and sighed.

"Alreet I'll see worra can do. I'll be theer in an hour or so now that ya've woken me up AGAIN!"

"Okay Bel, ta Bel but be as quick as ya can!"

He replaced the receiver on its stand, sniggered, rubbed his hands together with glee and shoved his tongue back into his head again with his fingers, then wiped the grunge off his hands on his dish cloth.

"Her might kill me for this, burra think her'll enjoy it! I hope her does anyway otherwise her'll have't think up another new punishment for me! Ickle do her yed in this will!!"

She drove over to Pemberton and Crusty opened the door for her before she could knock.

"Sssh! Come and look Bel!"

Very solemnly he escorted her to his kitchen and made her look out of the window.

"See Bel, can ya see 'em? There's two of 'em at the bottom down theer. Can ya see 'em?"

"I can't owd lad. Weer are ya looking?"

He pointed again, but she still couldn't see any cattle grazing in his garden.

She opened one of his cupboards where she knew there was an ancient pair of binoculars and, adjusting them, peered down and round the garden.

"Neh then, weer did ya say ya'd seen them cattle Crusty!"

"Bottom left behind that big pansy that ya bought me!"

"It's a bluddy sunflower, nor'a pansy. How can cattle hide behind a flower ya daft sod. Hey up, aw look Crusty, there's two little kittens down there. They're only babbies. Oh hey up, here comes their mam to give 'em a feed! How luvly!"

Then the penny dropped.

Cats!

She'd forgotten to apply Crusty speak, teamed up with his daft sense of humour!

In The Singular = Cat

In The Plural = Cattle!

"Just you wait till I get me bluddy hands on ya, y'owd sod. Fetching me all this way just to look at a couple o' scrawny owd cats!"

She'd expected him to scuttle off, but he stood his ground sniggering his head off, his eyes streaming with laughter.

"Wot's thy bluddy giggling at? It's not funny this!"

"April Foo' Bel, April Foo'!"

She lowered her arm, which she'd been going to swipe him with, tutted and looked at him, shaking her head.

"Ya daft lookin' sod! It's Sunday the twelfth of April today, not the first!"

"Yeh, bur'it is still April in't it Bel?"

"It is ya daft owd wombat, but yer supposed to do April Fool on the bluddy first, not the twelfth!"
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07-03-2012, 02:22 AM
26

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

"Oh, I thowt ya could do it any day in't month as long as it's still April!"

He started quivering, and then he tried to scuttle off in a mad panic, but she stopped him.

"It's alreet owd lad. No damage done. As a matter of fact, that really would've been a brilliant April Fool's joke, if ya'd done it on't reet day! Ne' mind."

He started grinning again, relieved that she wasn't going to bop him one.

"Wockle we do today then Bel? It's a beautiful day in't it?"

"It certainly is owd lad. I'll tell ya wot. Why don't we have a nice day in yer garden and just sit in the sunshine. It's going to be a beautiful day. We can put yer Macaroni in't kitchen so we can listen to all them owd songs on it, then later I'll raid yer cupboards and make us a picnic. I brought some stuff wi' me, but we can always add to it. We can pur'a car blanket on't grass and pretend we're someweer else. How about that for a change?"

"That sounds beltin' Bel. Wor'a brilliant idea! Y'allers have good ideas you!"

"Well I've got to keep thinkin' up new stuff to keep you quiet haven't I?"

"Well aye, I suppose so. By the way Bel, how's yer two-arsed bikecycle? Is it all mended now?"

"Yeh it's mended and its nor'a two-arsed bike ya daft sod. It's called a tandem! When't weather gets really warm we'll have a day out on it. Would ya like that?"

"I would that, now tharra know I've got to peggle an' all! I didn't mean for it to get broke Bel, honest I didn't, but ya still punished me!"

"Aye well that's all behind us now in't it owd lad. That particular punishment is over with, for now!"

"Reet Bel. Let's go outside then shall we and ger'everything ready for when we have a feed!"

His eyeballs were spinning round in anticipation of another good day's hanching.

She let him go out first while she looked through the contents of his freezer and fridge. There was the usual fare. Sausages for his turn-ups, barm cakes for his shoulder pads, finger rolls to put round the brim of his cockle hat when he wore it, not to mention the bananas for the front of his trousers. There was also boiled ham, cheese, tomatoes and other butty making stuff, even though he hated salad. There was plenty there for a picnic.

She followed him outside and they sat in the sun for a couple of hours, just talking and for a change he didn't act daft.

"Am gerrin bluddy hungry Bel. When do we have summat ayte?"

"I'll go an' ger'it sorted now if ya want owd lad. You stop there and enjoy the sunshine! I'm assuming ya've had at least one brekkie today, if not two."

"That's reet owd lass! Ta muchly."

She prepared all the food, humming happily to herself, and then she put everything in containers, exactly the way you would if you were actually going to the countryside or the seaside. She even made a flask of tea for them and she placed everything in a cardboard box, which served as their hamper.

The blanket was spread out on his lawn and he sat cross-legged on it, then they delved into the packages. Bel got up again and sat in a specially reinforced garden chair for greater comfort while they listened to the radio.

"It's a pity we've no pies Bel. I luvs a meyt pie at a picnic."

"There is some pies lad. I fetched some wi' me earlier on as I thowt I'd stop and spend an hour or two wi' ya. Here y'are lad. Get that down yer throat!"

He snatched it off her greedily with both hands and shoved it down his gullet making his usual hanching and snorting sounds, but this time Bel didn't confront him about it.

She just wanted a nice, quiet, peaceful, relaxing day.

Hah, fat chance!!

"Bel, Bel help me Bel!"

She jumped. She'd just started to doze in her chair when Crusty started squawking again.

"Wot's up owd lad?"

"Look Bel, look. There's a wasp landed on th'end o' me snout!"

"Oh, is thar'all! Hang on a minute and don't move owd lad. We'll soon get shut of it. Don't move or it might sting ya!"

She got up and went into the kitchen, opened a drawer and took something out, then returned to the garden where Crusty was sitting on the ground with his eyes tight shut.

"Are ya back Bel," he asked squinting one eye open.

"I'm here lad. We'll get rid o' that wasp for ya now!"

When he saw what she had in her hands his eyes bulged in anticipation of what was about to happen, then they shut again. He was just thinking that he'd rather the wasp sting him than she get rid of it this way. She took her stance, waggled her backside like a baseball player, and aimed!

Thwack, wallop, crunch!!

"Ouch, ouch, me bluddy hooter!"


"Reet lad, April Foo'! That's getten shut of it. It'll not bother ya again!"

She went back into the kitchen and put the rolling pin back in the drawer, after first scrubbing it down, of course.

Once again she sat in her chair while Crusty held on to his bruised nose. No wonder it was a funny shape with all the things that kept happening to it.

Suddenly Bel started laughing.

"Worra ya laffing at me now fo', Bel?"

"Thee!"

"Why, worrava done this time?"

"It were when ya were wearing that bluddy owd Arab frock in't Cat and Canary t'other neet. Ya favvered Abu Hassem!"

"Oh well, Abu hassan't gor'em anymore Bel!"

They both started tittering.

"Mustafa Fart! That were good that were owd fettler!"

"How about Mustafa Crap for next time Bel, or Mustafa Pee?"

She was tittering her head off.

"That were good too lad! Yer gerrin better all't time, but ya favvered bluddy weel in thar'outfit!"

"Ta Bel! I tell ya wot though Bel. That grub ya pur'up this affy were bluddy good. I've really enjoyed me hanchin' today!"

"You enjoys yer hanchin' every day! I've never known anybody't ayte as much as you. Ya've gor'a bluddy gullet like a mine shaft!"

"Are we goin't chippy now? Ickle be just about opening!"

Paaarp!

"Why don't ya give yer bally and yer arse a rest? The more ya shoves in the more it comes out. Phew, hast been aytein' bluddy cabbage? That's wor'it smells like, ya nasty sod!"

"Not tharra can remember Bel, burra aytes all sorts. Ya cawn't expect me't remember everything I've etten in a day. Me brain's not big enough to pur'all that information in!"

"Well that's true!"

"Bel! Have ya gor'a lickle bit o' string I can have?"

"Ya've getten some in't pocket of yer owd black jacket. Wot d'ya want it for?"

"To thread it through me key so tharra can wear it round me neck, like ya said!"

"Oh, aye! Well, look in yer jacket pocket. I'm sure I felt some t'other day when I were having a quick fumble!"

"Oh reet then!"

Since she'd got rid of the wasp for him, she hadn't actually looked at him whilst they'd been chatting but as she decided it was time to take her leave, she got up and turned to face him.

"Wot the bluddy hell have ya bin doin' now? Th'owd snout's gone purple! Ya favver summat off't bluddy Muppet Show!"

"Well it's bound to have gone purple Bel. Ya whacked me one on't conk wi' me rowlin' pin!"

"Oh, aye! I'd forgetten! Well, it's been a lovely day Crusty burrave got to go now!"

"Aw, have ya got to Bel?

Paaarp, paaarp!!

"Yeh, I've got to!! See ya again soon owd lad, and try and let yer bally have a bit of a rest. Ya looks as if ya've getten a bluddy beach baw tucked away in yer nasty owd pants! Folk'll start thinkin' that ya've getten a growth!"

"Well I don't see worra can do about it Bel!"

"Try an' ayte less for a start! I thowt I could ayte, but you can ayte five more praters than a bluddy pig an' then another five on't top o' that!"

"I likes praters!"

"Oh ne' mind then! I give up. See ya again soon owd lad!"

"Bye Bel!


© Mollie M
12.04.03
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07-03-2012, 11:56 PM
27

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

LOL at Cattle Bet he doesn't ask Bel for help next time a wasp lands on his hooter!

I was watching the Dog Whisperer the other day and there was a bulldog named 'Crusty'.......I couldn't take it seriously
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08-03-2012, 12:14 AM
28

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

Ha ha only Crusty could play an April Fool's prank on the wrong day
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08-03-2012, 12:34 AM
29

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

I recently heard that there's a Crusty or Krusty on The Simpsons. I'd no idea as I only ever watched one episode of that and didn't like it, so I didn't nick the Crusty name off there.
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09-03-2012, 01:36 AM
30

Re: Crusty's Comical Capers (part three)

109

Bel Surprises Crusty
(and He Dyes!)



A few days after their garden picnic, Crusty lolloped into his little hallway to answer the phone, wiping the flour off his hands onto his filthy pinny, muttering and mumbling as he went. He picked up the phone and spoke into it.

"Good morrow, oh bounteous personage! Crusty will assist you all he can, bur'if yer selling owt he dun't want owt 'cos he's gor'a pie in'th oven an' he dun't want it to brun otherwise he'll not be able't ayte it! Goodbye!"

"Howd yer watter ya moth etten owd numbskull! Morning Crusty. It's me, Bel!"

"Oh, hiya Bel. It's a good job I didn't hang up then in't it? I didn't know it were you, but then again I didn't give ya much chance to say much didda?"

"Belt up! Listen lad, I've got to go somewhere for a few days so if ya think about starting to ger'a bag ready I'll tek ya ........ "

Z o o o o m!!

"Crusty?"

She heard a whooshing sound down the phone, which sounded like a mini tornado. She sighed, rolled up her eyes, hung up the phone and went out to her car, then drove over to Crusty's Crummy Cave, arriving half an hour later. She let herself in as he was whizzing round the house faster than the speed of light, picking things up and dropping them as he went.

She shook her head, marvelling at the sight.

"By heck! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a flying pigmy!! Pigs do fly after all! I've seen it wi' me own eyes now!"

The phone was still resting on its side on the table where he'd dropped it as soon as she'd mentioned the words "ger'a bag ready" so Bel replaced the receiver.

On entering his crummy hovel she'd distinctly smelled something burning so had gone into the kitchen and looked in the oven where she saw a blackened shrivelled up pie, which stunk to high heaven. In his haste to pack he'd forgotten all about it!

She didn't even attempt to imagine what he'd put in it, but started tittering her head off, knowing that'd he'd be so disappointed. She switched off the oven and opened the back door to let the smoke out.

Wor'a bluddy shame!

Then she went into his living room to wait for him and five minutes later she saw him in the hall picking the phone up again.

"Hiya Bel. Reet, I've done that. I've packed me stuff. Weer are we goin' this time? Are we goin' on a proper jaunt or are ya goin' to another one o' yer meetings? Will I need me passport? Is there a seaside and will ya make sure that ya pack yer butty bag as well? Oh, and while I'm thinking on, I'd prefer it if we went to wherever we're goin' in't Jag! Bel? Bel? Are ya theer owd lass?"

Questions, questions!

She tapped him on the shoulder from behind. He jumped and his hair stood on end, but didn't turn round to see who it was.

"Don't do that! I'm talking to my Bel on't phone. Ya can see am busy so stop prodding me on me shooder or me prater pie'll drop out. Bel? Are ya still theer or have ya gone owd lass?"

She grabbed the phone off him and put it back in its cradle.

"I've gone!! Thar'a bluddy lame brain. I'm here ya rottin' owd turd!"

He backed away cautiously.

"Who're you?"

"Wot d'ya mean who am I? Has that last bluddy brain cell de'ed and gone alt'gether? It's me ya daft owd dung heap, your Bel!"

"Impossible! My Bel were just on't phone talking to me and ya've put phone down on her so how can you be my Bel? Ya looks like her and ya sounds a bit like her, but how can ya be her when I were just this second talkin' to her on't phone? Now then clever clogs, you answer that one!"

"Alreet then, I will. When I said to you on the phone to think about gerrin a bag ready you whooshed off to pack a bag, didn't ya?"

"Yes, how did you know that?"

"So worra did, instead of hanging on for half a bluddy hour for thee to come back to't phone, I hung up, gor'in me car and drove here. It were bluddy quicker and cheaper than waiting for thee to pack yer scummy clobber in yer carrier bags!"

He still wasn't convinced.

"But how canna be sure that yer really my Bel. Ya could be a pigment of my menageration, or a hippopotamus for all I know."

"Ya means impostor, ya gormless owd gobsh!te. You are definitely without gorm! Here, tek this, that'll prove it to ya!"

She brought her fist back and punched him in the stomach, which made contact with a thud.

"Neh, is that proof enough?"

"Ouch, me bluddy plums, thar'urt!"

"Sorry owd lad, me aim must've been a bit off! I didn't mean't hit ya theer!"

"That proves it! My Bel's aim is never off. Her's allers bob on target when her gives me a punch!"

"Oh bog off Crusty. D'ya want to come on a jaunt wi' me or not?"

"Want!"

"Well shurrup then and stop messing about!"

"Okay Bel, sorry Bel. Oooooch, me bluddy plums are throbbin' now!"

"Shut yer hole, ya mardy arsed little wench! I hardly touched ya! Neh then, wor'ave ya packed so far. Let's have a look!"

"Hang on Bel. I've gor'a pie in th'oven so I'll just check to see if it's alreet 'cos I can smell a funny smell!"

He whooshed off then came back a minute later and realising that Bel had caught him out and that he'd burned his pie, he said nothing, and she said nothing.

She sat down and picked up his carrier bags one by one.

"Worra ya tekkin' these for? Ya don't need these bluddy owd fithers again!"

She threw them in a heap at the side of her.

"And worra these bluddy things? Didn't ya get these in Skoffenburg?"

"I did that Bel. It's me German outfit! Me lickle leather shorts and me trilby wi't fither in. I thowt I might find a use for 'em. Weer is it we're goin' anyway?"

"Yer bluddy fither mad! We're goin't Amsterdam, burra suppose ya can tek them!"

"Hamsterdam? Weer's that?"

"It's in Holland!"

He started snorting and she looked at him in absolute amazement.

"Ham(sterdam) barm cakes and Holland's pies! I likes the sound o' that Bel!"

"Shaddap!! Yer not tekkin' these bluddy owd things either!!"

"But that's me seaside outfit. It's the one I took to Wales wi' me ages ago!"

"Well yer not tekkin' 'em to bluddy Holland 'cos there's no seaside there!"

She tipped the contents of all the carrier bags out onto the floor and held her nose.

He'd packed all his outfits. There was his begging outfit, his toyland outfit, his Sherpa Tensing outfit, his crash helmet, his bicycle clips! You name it, he'd packed it.

"Phew, when's't last time any o' this lot were pur'in yer Crustamatic? They stink bluddy rotten!"

"Oh aye! I'd forgetten all about me Crustamatic. Will I go and shove all't lor'in it now Bel, and ger'em all smelling nice and clean. I know worra sensitive nose ya've getten!"

"Aye, ger'it done, but check under yer bed first for any owd nasties lurking under theer. I'll ber'a bluddy shillin' there's some nasty owd knicks and socks there. Go on, ger'it done and then we can sort through all yer rubbish and see wot ya can tek wi' ya! I'm pur'in't kettle on!"

"When is it we go Bel?"

"Not for another week yet so ya've plenty o' time't ger'all yer washing done!"

He scampered off happily now that his Bel was there. He was always happiest when she was around and he hoped she'd keep him company for an hour or two.

And do his ironing for him.

"And when ya've done that ya can ger'em all bluddy ironed as weel. Yer not wearing crumpled up clothes if yer comin' wi' me!"

Sulk!

He trundled off into the kitchen and put all his dirty clothes into the washing machine then stood back, thumb in mouth, while he tried to remember how to work it. He didn't dare ask his Bel because he knew she'd yell at him again.

"Howld up a minute! Ya've forgetten summat!"

She walked into his kitchen with the old black jacket. Oh no. Don't be silly! She wasn't actually holding it. She'd picked it up with the tongs from his fireside companion set!

"Bur'it dun't need washing that Bel!"

"Get them pockets emptied and ger'it in!!"
 
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