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09-04-2018, 11:44 PM
691

Re: Jokes for blokes

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist orders an H2O. The second scientist orders an H2O too.
The second scientist dies.
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10-04-2018, 06:20 PM
692

Re: Jokes for blokes

A vampire bat flies into his cave, his face is covered in fresh blood, as he hangs upside down ready for a rest, the other vampire bats become very excited, smelling the fresh blood, they begin to question the bat but he wants none of it, after some time, fed up with the other bats pestering him , he gives in and agrees to show them , off they fly, across the fields, over the river until they came to a clearing in a forest, all the other bats are now very excited, “ you see that big tree in that clearing “ yes, yes scream the bats now in a frenzy, “ well I bloody didn’t “ says the first bat..
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10-04-2018, 09:30 PM
693

Re: Jokes for blokes

I was out on the piss last night & pulled this gorgeous bird.
We made love several times then we fell asleep in each others arms.
When I got up in the morning though, I had the shock of my life. She had put on 5 stone during the night.
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11-04-2018, 10:11 AM
694

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Judd ->
I was out on the piss last night & pulled this gorgeous bird.
We made love several times then we fell asleep in each others arms.
When I got up in the morning though, I had the shock of my life. She had put on 5 stone during the night.
It happens Judd.
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11-04-2018, 01:05 PM
695

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Judd ->
I was out on the piss last night & pulled this gorgeous bird.
We made love several times then we fell asleep in each others arms.
When I got up in the morning though, I had the shock of my life. She had put on 5 stone during the night.
A man should know his limitations.
When I worked in Bermondsey our local was The Victoria on Page Street and they had "THE" most ugliest barmaid in Bermondsey.We would use that pub most Fridays nights after work.
I always knew when it was time to go home to the wife because the barmaid would start looking pretty.
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11-04-2018, 06:57 PM
696

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by JBR ->
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist orders an H2O. The second scientist orders an H2O too.
The second scientist dies.
What? From boredom?
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11-04-2018, 07:05 PM
697

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Fogey ->
What? From boredom?
It's the chemical formula H2O2 = hydrogen peroxide.
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13-04-2018, 01:44 PM
698

Re: Jokes for blokes

Flexibility of the word '****'

Sexual: "Let's ****"
Mischief: "Let's **** with them"
Aggression: "Let's **** them up"
Anger: "**** you!"
Regret: "**** me!"
Resignation: "Oh, **** it!"
Surprise: "Holy ****!"
Puzzlement: "What the ****?"
Greeting: "How the **** are you?"
Fraud: "I got ****ed over"
Identification: "Who the **** are you?"
Philosophical: "Who gives a ****?"
Compliment: "She's so ****ing beautiful"
Confusion: "Where the **** are we?"
Wonder: "What the **** is that?"
Amazement: "How the **** did he do that?"
Threat: "Don't **** with me!"
Realisation: "I ****ing knew it!"

So many different applications!

Actually, it is a word I very rarely use. In fact probably only when I've hit my finger with a hammer or something similar ("****ing Jesus").
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13-04-2018, 04:40 PM
699

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by JBR ->
Flexibility of the word '****'

Sexual: "Let's ****"
Mischief: "Let's **** with them"
Aggression: "Let's **** them up"
Anger: "**** you!"
Regret: "**** me!"
Resignation: "Oh, **** it!"
Surprise: "Holy ****!"
Puzzlement: "What the ****?"
Greeting: "How the **** are you?"
Fraud: "I got ****ed over"
Identification: "Who the **** are you?"
Philosophical: "Who gives a ****?"
Compliment: "She's so ****ing beautiful"
Confusion: "Where the **** are we?"
Wonder: "What the **** is that?"
Amazement: "How the **** did he do that?"
Threat: "Don't **** with me!"
Realisation: "I ****ing knew it!"

So many different applications!

Actually, it is a word I very rarely use. In fact probably only when I've hit my finger with a hammer or something similar ("****ing Jesus").
**** is normally just the start of the sentence for me.
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13-04-2018, 06:24 PM
700

Re: Jokes for blokes

Originally Posted by Longdogs ->
**** is normally just the start of the sentence for me.
You mean you start off with those words and follow up by rattling out all sorts of blasphemous phrases for half an hour or so.

Sounds reasonable.
 
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