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tomtwodogs
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16-10-2016, 08:34 AM
1

Alternative dictionery !

Abba, - Immensley successful Swedish pop group whose name is made up from the initial letters of their Christian names, Agnetha, Bjorn , Benny,and Anna- frid. A later Swedish pop group who used the same idea and whose names were Tomas, Wilhelmina, Arnie Trudi and Stefan were no nearly so popular.

Ac/ Dc Milan - Bi -sexual Italian football team.

Aerodrome - A large area of land used for storing chocolate bars full of little bubbles.

Aga Khan. - Pakistani cooking stove

All right, so I didn't survive,- The epitaph that singer Gloria Gaynor will one day have inscribed on her gravestone.

Alzhemers Disease.- Degenerative disease which causes loss of memory. Named after the German neurologist Alois Alzheimer ( 1864- 1915 ) who first identified it..This is disputed however by the ancestors of British neurologist Arthur Holloway ( 1860 - 1916 ) who ten years before Alzheimer contracted the disease himself, successfully identified it but then forgot all about it.. ( I can believe this one )

Anchor.- An instrument for weighing New Zealand butter at sea !
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16-10-2016, 09:00 AM
2

Re: Alternative dictionery !

Bakewell - Market town in Derbyshire, home of the Bakewell Tart, and lots of other women !

Baltimore.- Second helping of curry.

Bagpipes,- Wind instrument very popular in England, when played in.. Scotland .

Barbican - Dolls lavatory ,

Bark Painting - An art form for which the Australian Aborigines are world famous. It is hard to see why, since it cant be all that hard to paint the words. Bow wow wow on a tree trunk.

Big Mac - Raincoat worn by very tall Flasher

Billy the Kid - ( 1873 - 1942 ) Derbyshire farm labourer with an unhealthy interest in Goats !

Bristol Channel.- Female cleavage
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16-10-2016, 09:42 AM
3

Re: Alternative dictionery !

I will have to severely edit a lot beginning with C !

Campanology, - The art of ringing church bells on a Sunday morning, of calling to church the 1% of the population within hearing distance who are interested in attending, whilst at the same time getting up the noses of the 99% who are trying to have a nice lie in !

Career - Takes two distinct routes in Britain,. which are, ( 1) Primary school, secondary school, university, gap year,. good job !
(2 ) Primary school,secondary school,.dole year,....Gap life !

Catastrophe - Ca,t

Catheter - You really don't want to.. know !

Chlematis - A climbing veneral disease !

Cormorant - A sea bird very similar to an Atlantic Shag, however don't go asking members of the opposite sex if they fancy a
Cormarant as it could lead to disappointment !


Crazy Horse ( 1849 - 77 ) Sioux indian chief who galloped bravely into the battle of the little big horn but was eventually captured and killed. His brother Crazy Sloth ( 1849 - 1923 ) was also at the battle but spent the entire time hanging upside down from a tree and emerged unscathed..... Not so Crazy after all then !

Cwt - Welsh schoolboy rugby union player, often the scrum half, who weighs 112lbs or less

ok phew that's all the Cs that I ( dare ) put on here
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24-10-2016, 03:34 PM
4

Re: Alternative dictionery !

Ok a few beginning with ( D)

Dame Barbara Cartland - ( 1788 - 2000 ) - Was awarded her title for single - handedly keeping three face powder factories in full employment. Author of over 300 romantic Novels which are noted for their prudishness, the only people ever to get shafted being the people who buy her...books !

David Semen - The London Rubber Company Rovers Goalkeeper !

Dead Centre - Graveyard.

Deed Poll - A dead parrot in Scotland

Defence - In the West Indies and Ireland a barrier of wood or wire that separates the garden from the ..road !

Divorce - Legal dissolution of marriage. This often leads to great suffering, especially for the father of young children, as it means he will probably have eat at Mc Donalds with his children...every Weekend !

Doctor Jekyll and Mr Hyde - Classic horror story, many times filmed. By drinking a potion of his own invention the mild mannered Doctor Jekyll transformed himself into his dark side, the wild malevolent Mr Hyde . The author of the book is believed to have got the idea from observing his wife during the few days leading up to her monthly ..period !

Dyslexia. - Wrod Bildness
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JBR
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24-10-2016, 04:21 PM
5

Re: Alternative dictionery !

Excellent!

I hope there's more to come.

How about some beginning with 'E'?

(I bet you get stuck when we get to 'X'!
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24-10-2016, 04:42 PM
6

Re: Alternative dictionery !

I can get through the whole alphabet, I am just typing em from my alternative dictionary,. at times I think I have been ripped off lol
anyways glad you like it thanks ! but I have had to miss a few out ! ( winks)
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24-10-2016, 05:02 PM
7

Re: Alternative dictionery !

( Some but not all,) beginning with E

EasyJet - Outcome of successful operation on prostate gland !

Egon Ronay - Restaurant Critic. !

Egon Toast, Transport Café critic !

Eisteddfod.- Welsh festival devoted to competition in oratory skills,singing,and playing the harp. It was the idea of an Englishman, who reasoned that if they were singing, harp playing etc in Wales. they wouldn't be doing it in..England !

Elton John. - Public convenience in the village of Elton, Cambridgeshire !

English Law,- A system of justice built on the principle that a man is innocent until barristers, solicitors and judges have squeezed so much money out of him that by the end of the trial,.. he couldn't care less what the decision of the court was !

Entity - Chicken Breast !

Erogenous Zone.- Any bus shelter after dark !

Evelyn Waugh ( 1903 - 66 ) English author ( Brideshead Revisited ). Started writing when he was only eighteen months old by dipping his penis into a paint pot and using it to write a short story on the nursery wall. This came as a great surprise to his parents because up to then,... they thought he was a girl !

Ok that's all the E,s I dare put on !
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06-08-2017, 07:29 AM
8

Re: Alternative dictionery !

Fallout - The part of a female breast which is still visible after the rest of it has been squeezed into a brassiere by its overweight owner !

Fashion Statement, - You look really stupid in that Vivienne Westwood dress.

Far East, - .................... East !

Fayre, - Old fashioned way of spelling fare. Used mostly today by pubs who sell food, e.g., try our traditional fayre !. Don't because it is invariably traditional,..craype

Film Score,- Superman 3 Rocky 4 ( after extra time )

Five Mile Sigh Club - The name given to a club whose female members are people who have had sex in an aeroplane when it is five miles high, but it didn't last very long.

Football, - A team game played with a large round leather (now mostly plastic ) sphere... Known as " The Beautiful Game ", although whoever coined this expression had obviously not had the benefit of a close look at John Terry !

Football Agent, - Piece of Shite !


Freemasonry,- .... Sorry its a secret .

Friends of the Earth, - Enemies of the comb, haircut,soap, shampoo,shave,
and body deodorant.

Friends of the Earthquake, - Architects, Builders Glaziers etc.

Friendly fire, -Bullets, shells, rockets etc,which always smile and say hello
before killing you !
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JBR
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06-08-2017, 12:16 PM
9

Re: Alternative dictionery !



The thing about the 'beautiful game' that I don't understand is what's beautiful about spitting and gang fighting?
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tomtwodogs
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06-08-2017, 01:12 PM
10

Re: Alternative dictionery !

Originally Posted by JBR ->


The thing about the 'beautiful game' that I don't understand is what's beautiful about spitting and gang fighting?
Me neither ,..I never watch it , I am one of the few that believe that the Supreme Achievement in human evolution, during the last few thousand years, is something other than the ability to kick a ball across a playing field ! over rated, and certainly overpaid ( in my opinion.) sorry I couldn't be bothered to type... i.m.o. lol
 
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