Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

Time for you to take control. Make an appointment with your CBT therapist, take the initiative and insist she refers you on. CBT is fine as it goes, but "talk therapies" don't work with everyone and obviously aren't working with you. If you had a physical injury and a first aider referred you on to a specialist doctor, you wouldn't be scared, simply pleased that you were going to see the most appropriate person and receive the most appropriate treatment.

Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

I checked posts on my phone this morning and saw this and Ive been thinking about MC all day and wanting to reply.

However I can see that everyone has beaten me to it with great advice and support.
As has already been mentioned you are very brave in speaking out so frankly and openly about your problems and as Surfermum says if this were a knee injury you would not be judging yourself so harshly.

Please do not retreat and worry speak out, talk to us, to your GP, to the samaritains .. When you next see your therapist tell her that this idea of other treatment scares you and let her explain exactly what she is talking about.

The tasks she has set you in facing your fears and working through them at home is not an easy one.. Again if this were money troubles most people would know someone who just throws the bills behind the cupboard and ignores them you are facing your problems head on that isnt easy and you deserve a pat on the back for that, then there is the glucose levels.. Well done.
To have got them under control in such a short time is nothing short of brilliant..

I really hope you can read through this thread and see that there are people around who understand and who will listen if only you give us the chance..

Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

Hiya MC - my first thoughts might sound a bit stern.... but I don't mean too... I'm not good putting thoughts down, I speak them better. So forgive my wording.

If you're feeling suicidal or feel you want to harm yourself or others - you know you have to get help immediately. If you're on medication, maybe the medication needs tweaking or a new one prescribed. If it's an ongoing condition requiring hospital treatment you know you need to contact the GP.

Right, having got that out of the way....for a start I personally think it's a good step that you're feeling bloody furious with yourself. I take that as a good sign.
It's fighting talk, which I reckon will help you in the long run to 'up' your mood and get back into coping again.

Another thing...your general health is not good at the mo. I recall you mentioned COPD somewhere.... well that won't help your mood for starters. You must feel trapped if you won't be able to go for good long walks. I know I would.
Autumn is here too and maybe affecting your chest. All this will be feeding your low mood cos it's preventing you from getting out there.
Then the dog people didn't get back to you, which probably makes you feel like you're an empty space. It's all must feel a vicious circle.

Can you relate to your therapist MC? If you feel the 'homework' isn't helping you, then you need to tell her. Perhaps CBT isn't working for you ... maybe you need to try another type of therapy - there are so many. She might be able to sort that out if you discuss it with her.
As has been said MIND or Samaritans with their phones lines or day centres for talking/doing various things/meeting others or just going there to do nothing with other people.


Do you enjoy reading or TV or something else? Has the budgie livened up a bit for you? I'm made up watching the old original Star Trek movies and The Invaders every night or any old films that are on. Takes me out of boredom, humdrum life and negative thoughts. And, if I didn't have books to read regularly or puzzles I'd go stir crazy.

I could ramble on forever trying to help in my own way.... but you must do what you really feel will help you. Whether it's trying to get yourself 'up' on your own or going back to the GP admitting you're backsliding a bit. Come on here and let rip. Like you say, we can't see you and we don't know you, it all helps. Cry lots if it helps too.


Whoever made us gave us our strengths and weakness. We aren't all the same in how we deal with these. Do what you really want to do to help you get back up there and accept it's fine if it takes a while or you need help getting there. I believe it's normal to have blips but those that cause anguish and despair or thoughts of self harm - that's different and need some sort of input from professionals.

I have to say I admire you for posting this. I wish I could open up. My insecurities rather than low mood make me clam up dreadfully. I tell no-one how I really feel in the big wide world and bottle things up. So, you're betterer than me in being open.

I wish you luck MC. You will get there.... cos you're fighting it. Just get your backside in here and tell us how you're doing ....

Oi... stop yawning!

Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

Still not word.

Come on MC, we are all thinking of you. It would be good to know you are alright?

Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

Yes MC, you wouldn't believe how many forum members are thinking about you today. Please let us know you are OK.

Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

I feel the opposite.... yes I want to know he's ok, but asking him to come before he feels he is ready to, might not be what he wants to do just yet... if that makes any sense.

Bit like making the shopping list feels to much to be able to do when you're feeling down.

Hopefully MC, you're reading our thoughts and gaining some comfort knowing folk care.

Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

You might be right, Pesta, though if he doesn't want to talk I guess he will not even see our posts as he probably won't even log on.
As you say though, perhaps best to let him decide.

Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

Hi MC, I see you're online right now, good to see. I do hope you are feeling more positive today.

Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

Being a bloke who's better with his hands than he is with his head I feel totally Inadequate to offer you any kind of advice other than talk to the experts, be a pest, doctors and professionals won't help you if you don't pester them. It's the squeaky gate that gets the oil Monday's Child, be that squeaky gate! If it was me, I would bury myself into a hobby and not give my mind time to wander onto the dark side. Make sure you have plenty of sleep and good food, usually the body looks after itself if you provide the tools for repair. I wish you all the very best and look forward to hearing about your progress.....

Re: I'm really sorry but I need to talk.

Hi All.
First of all a massive thank you for all your kind words and thoughts and the PMs to which I will reply.
I was so shocked about how people here cared how I was feeling and wanted to give support.
I was very embarrassed about my post after writing it as I didn't know if people would understand. Obviously you do.
I came on yesterday after going on another forum in the US I occasionally visit, mostly to read the dog posts, but I started deleting my photos and all my details on that site due to the way I was feeling and just wanted to go into shut down mode.
Like I said its not sympathy I was looking for as I blame myself for the mess I'm in, but I was at my wits end after realising in the car I didn't want to go home and face the mess. I love my little home despite the state I've let it and myself get into so it was a real shock to feel like that.
I just felt I needed to talk to someone as I know that when I am awake in the early hours and those dark thoughts come I'm at my lowest, and thats a dangerous place for me, but I'm so sorry I laid all my problems out on you all. I don't want to be a person who people avoid "he's such a moaner"
I managed to contact my CBT therapist today and have arranged another appointment with her, and am going to have tell her that filling out the self diagnosis forms are not helping.
I think it would be more helpful to open the little locked boxes in my head and talk about the problems and fears I lock away and hide from me and the rest of the world instead.
I am so lucky, I love my home (it will be better once I've given it a damm good tidy up) I like where I live and if I can spare some me time to tidy myself up things will feel better. I don't like to take time out for me as it seems such a waste I just need to push myself harder. Plus I feel that I'm not so alone now after talking to you all.
I actually slept better last night after my confession.
So again thank you all so much for your understanding and help.