Re: Jokes for blokes

A blonde takes her car to a mechanic as it's not running smoothly.

He checks it out and says, "Just shit in the air filter."

"Ok," she replies, "How often do I need to do that?"

Re: Jokes for blokes

A boy is walking along the road, when a car pulls up alongside him.

"If you get in my car," says the driver, "I'll give you a bag of sweets."

The boy ignores him.

"OK," says the driver. "Get in my car and you can have two bags of sweets and £5."

The boy ignores him.

The driver says, "Listen, if you'll just get in the car, I'll give you all the sweets you want and £20."

The boy turns to the driver and says, "Dad, for the last time, I'm not getting in that Skoda."

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

I was in bed with a woman and she said,
"I want tonight to be magical!"

And it was.

After we had sex, I disappeared.

Re: Jokes for blokes

As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way.

I think, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me after all.

Re: Jokes for blokes

Re: Jokes for blokes

A bloke sat down on a packed bus and was tapped on the shoulder by a woman.
"Why don't you let this heavily pregnant woman laden with shopping bags sit down?"
"Why should I?" he replied "I've paid my fare the same as her. Besides, she can sit down when we get home"

Re: Jokes for blokes

The dentist asked "Is it the back top left tooth that's bothering you?"

"Actually" the female patient replied, "It's my front bottom I need you to look at"

"And this, your honour, is where the confusion started"

Re: Jokes for blokes

A lady went to a car dealer to buy a Skoda only to be told that, due to new EU regulations, she had to provide an account of her medical history before she could purchase the car.

Mildly irritated, she complied and returned the following day with the required information. The salesman read through her documents, but said, "Sorry madam, you cannot buy a Skoda."

"Why on earth not?" she asked.

"Because," said the salesman, "It says here that you've had a hysterectomy, and you have to be a complete c**t to buy a Skoda."

Re: Jokes for blokes

A mathematical problem

If you go to bed eight hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have an hour of sex, how much sleep will you get?

Answer: Seven hours and fifty-nine minutes.