26-04-2017, 11:33 PM
72
Re: Jokes for blokes
My wife was standing, nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old and fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I replied, "You're eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started.
27-04-2017, 11:45 PM
77
Re: Jokes for blokes
A university professor notices exchange student Angelo is a bit of a master when it comes to the ladies and as he's having no joy with the wife these days he asks Angelo what his secret is..,"Well sir" he says, "Before sex I whack my dick on the dressing table to numb it up, so I have less sensation and last for hours sir"!...So the professor makes his way home with the advice in mind..,,he gets in the front door and goes upstairs and hears his wife in the shower, thinking it's the perfect time for when she comes out he starts whacking his cock on the dressing table when he hears from the shower.,,"That you Angelo"?.27-04-2017, 11:46 PM
78
Re: Jokes for blokes
Five Rules For Men To Follow To a Happy Life:1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
28-04-2017, 10:07 PM
80
Re: Jokes for blokes
A man, getting along in years (over 50!), finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to the doctor, who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say 'One, two, three' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies, "When your partner can take no more sex and it completely raddled, all she has to say is 'One, two, three, four' and it will then go down. But be warned, the pork sword will not rise again for another year."
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says "One, two, three," and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffy ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say 'One, two, three' for?"
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