Join for free
Reply
Page 51 of 108 « First < 41 49 50 51 52 53 61 101 > Last »
Primus1's Avatar
Primus1
Senior Member
Primus1 is online now
York
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 3,223
Primus1 is male  Primus1 has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
08-05-2019, 10:19 PM
501

Re: Let's have a laugh

My wife wants me to have sex with her on the bonnet of her Honda Civic,
But if I’m going to have sex like that, it’ll be on my own accord....
Reply With Quote
Gravitas
Senior Member
Gravitas is offline
North England
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 2,061
Gravitas is male  Gravitas has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
09-05-2019, 05:17 PM
502

Re: Let's have a laugh

First the doctor told me the good news -

I was going to have a disease named after me.
Reply With Quote
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 930
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
09-05-2019, 05:38 PM
503

Re: Let's have a laugh

Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly ….. mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissingwill take you
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
Reply With Quote
JBR's Avatar
JBR
Chatterbox
JBR is offline
Cheshire, UK
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 23,376
JBR is male  JBR has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
09-05-2019, 07:30 PM
504

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
Mathematics:
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly ….. mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissingwill take you
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
Brilliant, and absolutely true.

And A-R-S-E-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 122%

Which might suggest that arse-kissing in this country will get you even higher than in America!
Reply With Quote
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 930
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
09-05-2019, 09:27 PM
505

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by JBR ->
Brilliant, and absolutely true.

And A-R-S-E-K-I-S-S-I-N-G = 122%

Which might suggest that arse-kissing in this country will get you even higher than in America!
Yes - I thought it was quite clever when I received it -- wonder how long it took the creator of those lines to develop the concept!!
Reply With Quote
Primus1's Avatar
Primus1
Senior Member
Primus1 is online now
York
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 3,223
Primus1 is male  Primus1 has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
09-05-2019, 10:21 PM
506

Re: Let's have a laugh

A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids. A lady went and sat down next to him. She asked, "Are these all your kids?" The man replied, "No, I just work at a condom factory, these are all the complaints".
Reply With Quote
Mr Ploppy's Avatar
Mr Ploppy
Chatterbox
Mr Ploppy is offline
Perth Western Australia, 3rd house on the right
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 8,798
Mr Ploppy is male  Mr Ploppy has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
10-05-2019, 07:47 AM
507

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Richmond ->
Yes - I thought it was quite clever when I received it -- wonder how long it took the creator of those lines to develop the concept!!
Yes, very clever. It sort of makes one want to play around with letters and numbers.

I tried that word which starts with 'F' and
ends in 'uck'

Only makes it to 94%, 'Firetruck'.
Reply With Quote
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 930
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
10-05-2019, 05:03 PM
508

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Primus1 ->
A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids. A lady went and sat down next to him. She asked, "Are these all your kids?" The man replied, "No, I just work at a condom factory, these are all the complaints".
Good response! LOL
Reply With Quote
Richmond's Avatar
Richmond
Senior Member
Richmond is offline
United Kingdom
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 930
Richmond is female  Richmond has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
10-05-2019, 05:05 PM
509

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by Mr Ploppy ->
Yes, very clever. It sort of makes one want to play around with letters and numbers.

I tried that word which starts with 'F' and
ends in 'uck'

Only makes it to 94%, 'Firetruck'.
Creative thinking there!!
Reply With Quote
Longdogs's Avatar
Longdogs
Chatterbox
Longdogs is offline
England
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 33,646
Longdogs is male  Longdogs has posted at least 25 times and has been a member for 3 months or more 
 
10-05-2019, 06:16 PM
510

Re: Let's have a laugh

Originally Posted by big ben ->
A corny one
Murphy said to O'Brien. "Why do Scuba divers go backwards into the water off a boat?"
O'Brien said "Well if he went forwards he would end up flat on his face in the bottom of the boat"
Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 51 of 108 « First < 41 49 50 51 52 53 61 101 > Last »

Thread Tools


© Copyright 2009, Over50sForum   Contact Us | Over 50s Forum! | Archive | Privacy Statement | Terms of Use | Top

Powered by vBulletin Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.